Left Behind
by Aislinn Carter
Summary: New chapter! Chp. 27 is up! Voyager wasn't able to come back for Kathryn and Chakotay on New Earth...at least not until seven years later. They are surprised and saddened by what they find. Definitely JC, AU after Resolutions.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but they are poor, abused children who need to be taken care of, so I'm just mothering them for a little bit.

A/U after Resolutions. What if they hadn't been able to get the cure from the Viddians, and just had to make their way home without their command team?

Please review! Please, please, please!!!!!!!!!!!!

Left Behind

By Aislinn Carter

It was these nights he would miss.

Summer had come to this planet. It was a summer very much like Earth's, with the scent of grass and the buzz of insects and the warmth of the sun. The daytime heat had long since faded away to the mild cool of nighttime, and Chakotay sat on the porch to enjoy it. They wouldn't have many nights like this left.

He gazed up at the stars. They had become familiar to him, and he would miss them. They had made constellations, he and Kathryn. Many nights they had lain on the grass next to each other, attempting to place old legends on some stars, making new ones for others. Hi favorite was, of course, the one she had named 'the angry warrior'. He didn't really see it, but it meant a lot to him all the same.

He smiled as he heard Kathryn reading out loud from inside. She was always so inquisitive, and she loved to read. She read all the time…out loud, to herself, in the house, in the garden, in the woods, on the rock in the field. He would come in at night and see her on her stomach in the living room, engrossed in a PADD, barely acknowledging him. His favorite times were when they would sit on the porch together, and she would read out loud in the silence of the night. He would miss that, too.

The call had come several days ago, a long ago echo of a life left behind. The Starfleet equipment had long since been buried under boxes of cast-offs, things they didn't need in their life here. He hadn't even noticed the beeping at first, absorbed as he was in his sand painting. It was only when Kathryn's head snapped up with a puzzled expression that he noticed something was amiss. He jumped up, quickly burrowing through the boxes and containers until he saw what it was.

It was the subspace communicator.

Someone was trying to contact them on a Federation signal.

He concentrated on his breathing as he unearthed the device and placed it on the table. They must've still been a ways off if they were using this instead of communicators, but they were still closer than any Federation ship had been in years. His mind quickly fell back into that of a Starfleet officer as he deftly worked the controls, and a burst of static assailed their ears.

"…to Captain…Voyager to…come in Captain, Commander, do you…"

He looked at Kathryn. She looked frightened, but he knew he had to do this. He had to answer this call. They would come anyway, and besides…they deserved a better life than this. They hadn't asked for this, and now, it might be time to go home.

He took a deep breath. "This is Commander Chaotay," he said, ignoring the looks of surprise as he spoke officially in this long forgotten title. "I can read you."

"Commander, it is good to hear your voice." It was Tuvok. "It has been a long time."

Chakotay's breath hitched. "It has. How is Voyager?"

"You will be pleased to hear, Commander, that Voyager returned to the Alpha Quadrant seven years ago."

His mouth dropped open. "You were only here for a few months after you left us?"

"Yes. It is a long story, but suffice it to say, we were able to find a wormhole and we returned home."

His heart felt like it was breaking. A few months? Only a few months? If they had never stopped on this damned planet, they would have been home by now.

"I do feel the need to inform you, however, that I disobeyed Captain Janeway's orders. We did attempt to seek a cure form the Viddians. It was an unsuccessful venture, unfortunately."

"That's…all right, Tuvok. I congratulate you on your return," he said numbly. "But what are you doing back here?"

"Starfleet was able to design a crude version of the Borg's transwarp conduit. It took quite a while, but it was finally tested and approved. During that time, the virus you and Captain Janeway were exposed to was studies in great detail at Starfleet Medical. Several months ago, a cure was discovered, and our mission to bring you home was approve by Command." There was a brief pause. "Am I correct in assuming that you and the Captain want to return with us?"

Chakotay swallowed hard. He felt eyes on him, and it was all he could do to regain his composure. "Tuvok…I'm sorry to have to tell you…" He blinked back tears. "Captain Janeway has been dead for five years.."

There was completer silence. Then Tuvok cleared his voice. "That is…regrettable. She was a very fine woman. A fine friend. May I ask how she died?"

Chakotay glanced at the faces in front of him. "She died giving birth," he said softly. Little Katherine took Edward's hand, and they stared solemnly at their father. Even at five, they knew what had killed their mother.

_TBC_

* * *

The wormhole Voyager used to get home was the one from 'False Profits', the ep with the Ferengi. I feel that Tuvok wouldn't have let the Ferengi dally about while the crew searched for a solution. In my world, Tuvok beamed the Ferengi right to the brig and made some sort of holographic production or even just the crew dressing up as them in order to explain to the people that they were leaving. Then Voyager flew through that wormhole before it could collapse and voila, home sweet home. Of course, their guilt over their command team made them work for years to find a cure and a way back…Wanna hear more? 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

I don't own them, just playing for a lil bit.

* * *

He continued to stare at the stars.

Kathryn and Edward were playing one of the clapping games he had taught them, the one he always saw his sisters playing when they were young. _Doe in the tree, breeze in the air, one two three four, braid my hair! Sun will shine, rain will fall, always hear the eagle's call! _He decided to teach them that instead of Miss Mary Mack. One of the boys at the Academy had a little sister who would visit and sing it all day long. It was irritating.

He wondered if Kathryn had played Miss Mary Mack. He had never asked her, and now he regretted that. It was the little things he didn't know about her that drove him insane. He didn't know what her first word had been, for instance. Little Kathryn's first word had been 'tree', and Edward, who was much quieter than his sister and hadn't started talking until he was three, had started out simply with 'daddy'. Chakotay's first word had been 'baby', since his sister was born only a year after him. But he had no idea what Kathryn's first word had been. And that really bothered him.

But they had talked about her childhood, quite a bit actually. He was grateful for that, grateful that he'd be able to tell her children about what she had been like as a girl. He read her favorite fairy tales to them, fairy tales that Kathryn herself had composed from her memory while she was pregnant. He remembered the first time they had talked about it, when they had first taken the boat out on the lake, testing it before they took it down the river. It had been a beautiful day, and the comfort between them was starting to increase into something just a little bit more than friends. And he knew that slowly, her walls were starting to come down.

_

* * *

__Seven years ago…_

_Kathryn had never looked more beautiful._

_Of course, he knew she was beautiful. He wasn't blind, after all. But he had always equated her beauty with a sort of strength, no so much femininity. But here, as she lounged in the rays of the mid-afternoon sun, her long hair flowing around her like a cloud, she looked every bit the woman that she was and nothing at all like the Captain._

_She opened one eye and smiled lazily at him. "What are you looking at?"_

_He grinned. "You look so relaxed. I've never seen you look so lazy."_

_She laughed. "That's because until recently, whenever you saw me I was preparing myself for the inevitable red-alert. Not much a chance of that here." She let a hand trail over the side of the boat into the water. "This boat is spectacular, Chakotay."_

_Chakotay leaned back and looked around. He was actually very proud of this boat. He had worked so hard on it, making sure the backrests were sanded to silken smoothness (he knew Kathryn's back was sensitive), that the wood didn't have any tiny holes that could become a problem, that it was aerodynamic and buoyant enough, etc. He had decided not to paint it, opting instead for a high gloss which made it look more natural. He was pleased to see how it complimented the auburn in Kathryn's hair, and the flush on her cheeks. Then he mentally kicked himself for being so sappy. What was happening to him? She was just a woman, after all! It wasn't like he had never been alone with a woman before._

"_She is a beauty. The only thing missing now is a name."_

"_Well, we haven't named the monkey yet, either."_

"_I thought he was a primate," Chakotay teased._

_She shook her head ruefully. "I've decided to succumb to monkey, no matter how…imprecise it is." She swirled her hand in the still lake. "But I have been thinking of a name for him, actually." She grinned. "What do you think of Abu?"_

_He snorted. "Abu! How did you come up with that?"_

"_It was the name of a monkey in an old holovid my mother used to put on for us. Have you ever heard the legend of Aladdin?"_

_Chakotay quirked an eyebrow. "I can't say as I have."_

"_It's and old Arabic tale, about a poor street urchin who finds a genie. There have been so many different versions of it. In some, he finds the genie in a ring, but the most common version had Aladdin finding the genie in the lamp. The version we watched had that. It was a Disney vid…I guess you don't know about Disney, either."_

"_Didn't have holovids at all, Kathryn." He said, amused._

"_Right. Well, Disney was this huge conglomerate hundreds of years ago. They didn't shut down until the third world war, and once the dust settled from that, after First Contact, they began to rebuild. Disneyworld still exists on Earth." She grinned. "My parents took us there. It's an amusement park. Anyway, they produced thousand of movies between the 20th and 21st centuries, and Aladdin was one of them. It was my favorite. Well, besides The Little Mermaid." She blushed. "And…Sleeping Beauty. That was my absolute favorite." She covered her face. "I can't believe I'm talking about this! It's so childish."_

_Chakotay laughed and pulled her hands down from her face. "It's kind of cute. You hardly ever talk about being a kid. I bet I would've liked you as a kid. And actually, I have heard of Sleeping Beauty. I saw a production of the ballet in Russia while I was at the academy. The score is beautiful."_

_Kathryn laughed. "You went to see a ballet? I'm sorry, I just have a hard time imagining it. I can't see men being anything other than bored at ballets. I know my father hated them, and Mark said they were an absolute waste of time. Admiral Paris would beg me to come up with plausible excuses whenever his wife wanted to go."_

_Chakotay sniffed. "Well, I suppose I'm not like other men. I actually enjoyed it."_

_She smirked. "Is that what you told the beautiful young lady who made you go?"_

"_For your information, Miss Know It All, I went to see it with my cousin and his wife. They were the only family I had on Earth from my mother's side, and they invited me one night. I admit, I was dubious about it at first, but really, I thought it was wonderful."_

"_You never mentioned you had relatives on Earth."_

"_Yeah, my cousin lived in Ohio. And since…" he swallowed. "Well, since. My mother and sister spend a lot of time visiting them. Or, at least last I heard they did."_

_Kathryn smiled softly. "Well, would you like to know the legend behind Sleeping Beauty?"_

"_Is the version I saw not the original?"_

"_Oh, no, not at all. That's a more recent incarnation. Sleeping Beauty goes as far back as…well, the 15 or 1600's. And it's a little different from the modern version."_

"_Well," he grinned, glad she had switched the subject back from his family. "You had to listen to my Angry Warrior tale. So go ahead. Tell me a story."_

_She smiled. 'Well, if you insist…There are several different versions. For some reason, roses also seem to show up in these stories, but roses are usually featured in a lot of fairy tales. Anyway, generally, there was a princess who was much waited for. At her christening, the fairies who were invited blessed her with many gifts, such as beauty and wit, but there was an evil fairy who hadn't been invited. Enraged, she placed a curse on the baby, saying that she would prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die. This was supposed to happen when she was fifteen or sixteen, so until then, her father ordered all the spinning wheels in the kingdom destroyed. But it all happened as the evil fairy said; the princess found a spinning wheel in the castle, usually said to have been put there by the evil fairy, and she pricked her finger, falling into a deep sleep. A wall of thorns or deep woods surrounded the castle, and the whole kingdom fell into a deep sleep like the princess. After many years, a prince came, and the princess woke up when he entered her room."_

"_Sounds like the tale I know."_

"_Then they went to live with his mother and had twins. The mother was an ogre, and she demanded the children be made into her dinner. So they were substituted with animals, and hidden so that the queen wouldn't know."_

_Chakotay's eyes widened. "These are the kimnds of tales you learned as a child?"_

_Kathbryn laughed. "No. I researched it myself when I got older. I wanted to know where it came from. That version was written by someone called Perrault, I believe. Of course, it ended with the prince retunring from his travels and saving his wife and children. Always a happily ever after." She thought a moment. "But there is another version I always found interesting. I don't remember who it was from…I think it may have been a related tale by someone called Basile? I'm not quite sure. In this version, the prince came to her when she was asleep, and he either raped her, or he had someone secretly marry them and then consummated the marriage, all while she was asleep. She became pregnant, and gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl. She didn't wake up until one of the babies sucked whatever she had been pricked with out of her finger. So she wakes up, the prince shows up, and of course, they live…"_

"_Happily ever after." Chakotay said with a grin. "Yeah, I get that part."_

"_That version is actually one of my favorites."_

"_Let me guess…because it wasn't the prince who woke her up?"_

_She tossed a towel at him "As a matter of fact, yes. I liked that it was her children who pulled her out of her sleep. It was something for her to live for,"_

"_She didn't want to live just for the charms of her handsome young rapist?" he asked, flashing his dimples at her._

_She smiled wryly. "I'm sure that wasn't one of her motives. She only woke up when she gave birth. To me, that's pretty signifigant."_

"_So you're saying that if you happen to fall into…I don't know, a magical coma, you'll only wake up if I impregnate you?" He nodded. "Note to self, impregnate Kathryn should she ever-"_

_Then there was the sound of a splash, and of Kathryn laughing as he flailed around in the lake. "You pushed me in!" he shouted in disbelief._

"_Serves you right," she giggled. Taking on him, she helped him back into the boat, and handed him a towel. "Sorry, it was just too tempting."_

"_You do realize that I am the captain of this vessel."_

"_Well I guess you'll just have to throw me in the brig." She said sarcastically. "Anyway, it's what you get," she said primly. "Even Snow White wasn't treated this disrespectfully."_

_He groaned. "Okay, who the hell is Snow White?"_

"_Kind of the same as Sleeping Beauty, actually. Only instead of a evil fairy, it was an evil step-mother, and there were seven dwarves who hid the princess. She was poisoned by her step-mother, and they all thought she was dead. They put her in a glass coffin, until a prince came and begged the dwarves to let him take it, because he found her so beautiful." She handed him a sweatshirt she had in her bag. She could see he was starting to get chilly. "As they were carting her off to his castle, they knocked the coffin, and the thump made the piece of poisoned apple fly out of her throat. In other versions, like in Sleeping Beauty, the prince kissed her and she woke up. And they lived happily ever after."_

_Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Of course. You know, I like that version of Sleeping Beauty you talked about, the one where one of her babies sucks out whatever it was stuck in her finger, and she wakes up. That's really inspiring, that her baby saved her life."_

_Kathryn grinned. "One can only hope that one's child is that enterprising."_

_"I have to say, I'm seeing a whole new side to you today. I would never have guessed you were so into fairy tales."_

_She shrugged. "It's my secret indulgence. I guess I didn't want anyone to know I liked them because they portray women as such useless creatures who always need a man to rescue them. But I'll admit, there was always a part of me that wanted to live a fairy tale." Then she grinned wickedly. "And might I remind you, sir, that there's a lot you don't know about me?"_

_He smirked and held her gaze. "Well, I'm willing to find out."_

* * *

Now, as he listened to his children, and searched the stars for _her_ ship, come too late to take her home, he couldn't help but think that their lives here had taken a grotesque spin on her favorite fairy tales. Only this time, it had been the twin babies who had put her to sleep, not woken her up. And he was certainly no prince to be able to give her the kiss of life. 

Although Kathryn had gotten her wish...she had become a fairy tale...Sleeping Beauty…laying in eternal slumber inside Snow White's glass coffin.

But there was no happily ever after in this story.

_TBC_

* * *

Sorry to be so gloomy! I promise to make the next chapter a little upbeat. 

So, what do we think? Hate it? Love it? I know the fairy tale stuff was a little tedious, but I got a little carried away. I promise the next one will be better!

But now at least you know the stories behind some fairy tales. Perrault and Basile actually are responsible for versions of what we know as Sleeping Beauty, so I guess I disclaim them. Credit to them, credit to them! The other fairy tales obviously don't belong to me, I make no profit off any of this, yadda yadda yadda.

So review!


	3. Chapter 3

Usual disclaimers.

chp. 3

* * *

They would be in orbit in six hours. 

Tuvok contacted Chakotay yesterday on the dusty combadge he had pulled from beneath a pile of junk. In six hours, they would be here to help him pack up the last seven years of his life. He had already started to, but it was difficult. He had packed away most of Katherine's things a long time ago, and having to unearth them was depressing, and brought back too many memories. Some were good, but some, like the memory of her death, were excruciating. The two years they had spent with each other hadn't been without its pitfalls, but for the most part, they had been very happy. And that was the hardest thing to remember of all.

Just an hour ago, he had put the twins to bed, and given them each a little memento of their mother to fall asleep with. It was just a few little things he had found while he was sorting through one of the storage closets, but he thought Kathryn would have liked the children to have them. He had actually forgotten all about them.

To his daughter, he had given a small porcelain ballerina figurine that Kathryn had brought with her from Voyager. It was a delicate little thing, dressed in pink with long blonde hair. Kathryn had once confessed to him that she had always had a secret urge to be blonde, especially as a child.

"_**I had an awful time in ballet when I was little," she laughed. "Generally, tutus were pink."**_

_**"Tutus?"**_

_**"Yes, those are what the puffy skirts on ballerinas are called. Little girls in ballet class tend to wear pink tutus. But my hair was such an awful shade of red when I was a child that it clashed horribly. I drove my mother insane with my fits about it, I begged her to let me dye it, but of course I was so little that she wouldn't let me. I wanted to have long, beautiful blonde hair, like one of the girls in class, Tammy. She had such beautiful hair, and the pink tutus always looked so good with it. But I had to suffer with the color I was born with," she said ruefully.**_

_**"I think it's a lovely color."**_

**_"Now, maybe. You wouldn't have thought so then. I was so obsessed; I wouldn't have any doll unless it was blonde. My mother, of course, thought it was encouraging a negative self image, but my father didn't see the harm in it, and eventually, I lost my interest in ballet and blondes." She smirked. "I never even liked blonde men. But I did keep a few of my blonde dolls, just to remind myself how silly I was once."_**

Now the little blonde ballerina was firmly enclosed in the warm hand of his five year old daughter. She had never been in a ballet class, or worn a pink tutu, so she didn't understand the significance behind it. She didn't even have red hair; her hair was a deep chocolate color, with a hint of auburn to it. But she did know it belonged to her mother, and that made it worth everything to her.

Edward now had in his possession an object which had belonged first to his grandfather, then his father. It was actually a family heirloom.

**_A long time ago, pilots used to wear these on their uniforms. Not so much shuttle pilots. It was in the days before shuttles, when commercial transportation involved airplanes. The airplane pilots would wear these as a symbol of what they were doing." She had smiled softly as she handed him the little gold wings to look at. "My father told me they were meant to represent the fact that the pilots could fly, like birds. But I always thought of them as angel's wings. The pilots were responsible for flying hundreds of people across large distances, and at the time, it was a fairly new method of transport. So I always saw the pilots as angels, since they were responsible for all those lives. Of course, that was when I was very little, but I always kept the wings close to me. They belonged to an ancestor of my father's."_**

After she died, he had been too distraught to keep her things out, and had packed most of it away. He had forgotten about these things until he found them today, and he felt a pang of guilt that he hadn't given them to the kids by now. Although they were only five, but still. So he was glad they were tucked into their beds, their little hands wrapped around a piece of their mother.

And now he was outside again, staring at the stars like he did every night, wondering how his life ended up like this. Sometimes he wondered if he would trade the twins to have Kathryn back again. Would he? It scared him that he didn't know the answer. After all, he had known them longer than he had known Kathryn. He couldn't even know how he and Kathryn's relationship would have progressed had she lived, even though they would have been the only two adults on the planet. Hell, he didn't know how it would have ended up between them if they had never been stranded here. For all he knew, they would have gone through the rest of their time on Voyager as polite strangers, or at best, good friends. All the variables and unknowns ate away at him.

The Angry Warrior was out tonight, reminding him even more of Kathryn. There wasn't a day that went by that didn't remind him of her. But every time this constellation was out, it was a sharp twist in his gut, hitting home yet again that she was gone forever. But he would stand here anyway, staring up at it, torturing himself. Thinking of her, of the way it was, of the way it started, and the way it ended.

_**

* * *

**__**He woke up one morning to the smell of something faintly burning. Once, that might have alarmed him, but after six months with Kathryn, he had gotten used to it. It usually just meant she was making breakfast**._

_**He stared up at the ceiling of the shelter, listening to her moving around in the kitchen. Six months. Had it been six months already? It felt like just yesterday he stood next to her as she delivered her heartfelt good-bye speech to her crew. After that, they had attempted to get through their time on New Earth together. She had been convinced that they probably wouldn't be there that long, and he had decided not to bank on a 'probably'. After the plasma storm had destroyed all her work and equipment, she had finally started to let go of their old life. It had been difficult, but little by little, she was letting go of her life as a captain and embracing this new world they now lived in.**_

_**And little by little, she was letting down the walls she had raised against him.**_

**_He got out of bed and made his way to the small sonic shower which stood in the corner of his room. He couldn't wait form the additions to the shelter to be finished. He had added two nice, spacious bathrooms to the new design, and it would be a relief to not have to squeeze into this tiny space every morning,_**

_**Once he was dressed, he left his room and entered the kitchen. Kathryn was sitting at the table, her eyes on a PADD and her hand wrapped around a steaming mug of coffee. She was still in her bathrobe, and her long hair was in a messy ponytail. He smiled. Over the last few months, he had seen a new side to Kathryn, a lazy side. She loved to stay in her nightclothes, just lounging, for as long as possible in the morning.**_

_**The table was covered with food – some of it burnt – and he realized how hungry he was. He took a seat at the table, and without looking up, she handed him a mug of tea.**_

_**"Thanks." He took a sip. "What are you reading?"**_

**_"Catcher in the Rye," she mumbled. Then she looked up, and grinned. "Sorry, I barely heard you come in!" She jumped up and grabbed a towel covered plate from off the stove. "Happy six months!" she exclaimed, then whipped the towel off the plate._**

_**"Well, now that looks like a mushroom omelet!" he said happily. "I didn't see any mushrooms around here."**_

**_"There aren't any, as far as I know. I used the replicator for the mushrooms. But I made the omelet." She gestured to the muffins on the table, next to the burnt toast and the raw looking pancakes. "I made all that, too."_**

**_He smiled as he appraised the food. "The muffins look good."_**

_**"Oh, you!" she threw the towel at him. He laughed.**_

**_"Why do I feel like you're always throwing something at me?"_**

**_"Why do I feel like you're always giving me cause to throw things at you?" she retorted._**

**_They sat at the table together, enjoying the omelets and muffins and tacitly agreeing to recycle the toast and pancakes. They engaged in their usually morning banter, and Chakotay couldn't help be a little grateful for it. They had never talked like this on Voyager. Hell, on Voyager, they rarely talked about anything that didn't concern ships business._**

**_"I'm surprised you remembered what today was."_**

_**She quirked an eyebrow. "Why? Because I'm not you?"**_

**_"Touché." He shook his head. "No, I just didn't think anniversaries were your thing. And it is only six months."_**

_**"Six months we survived…without killing each other."**_

_**"I never thought we would." He held her gaze as he took a bite of his omelet. "You know, this is pretty good."**_

_**"Thanks." She idly twirled a spoon around her coffee mug. "What are your plans for today?"**_

_**"I actually thought we might take a day off. I know you want to work more on your crops, and we both know I still have a lot to do on the house, but I thought maybe we could just relax. Maybe we could go take a swim."**_

_**"Well, the warm season is ending soon. It might be out last chance to do that for a while."**_

_**"Do you have an idea of how long winter is going to last?"**_

**_She sat back and rubbed her eyes with a sigh. "Well, spring was just starting when we arrived. This planet follows a three hundred day rotation, twenty-six hour days. That averages to roughly eleven Earth months. We had three months of spring and three months of summer, so I'm going to hazard a guess and say fall and winter will probably be about that. It's a good thing the rotations and revolutions of this planet aren't very dissimilar from Earth." She grinned. "I sure do hope you're done with the house by the time winter arrives."_**

_**"We can always huddle together for warmth," he teased. She blushed.**_

_**"Maybe we shouldn't take that swim. I would hate to keep you from your work." She said sweetly.**_

**_"Don't you worry about my work. You go on and get ready, and I'll clean up breakfast. We'll see if all those stories of you about being a good swimmer are true."_**

_**"Hey!" she yelped. "I'll have you know I used to swim in the underground caverns-"**_

_**"Yes, yes, the underground caverns of Mars, so you've told me." He raised an eyebrow. 'Pity I don't have evidence to corroborate that."**_

_**She glared and stood up. "Eat up, Chakotay. You'll need your strength.**_

**_

* * *

_****_The walked the short distance to the lake, and piled their things close to the shoreline. He blinked as she pulled her t-shirt over her head to reveal a two piece swimsuit. Her t-shirt had been long, and had disguised exactly how short her shorts were. She kept the shorts on, and kicked off her sandals as she made her way to the water's edge. She dipped a toe in._**

_**"It feels pretty warm." She turned around and looked at him. "What?" Is something wrong?"**_

_**He shook himself out of his daze and grinned at her. "Been working out?" He gestured to her flat, slightly defined stomach.**_

_**She curled her lip at him in disgust. "Men. You all only think with one organ."**_

_**"Now that's just not true. I think with my stomach, too."**_

_**"Of course." She rolled her eyes. "Actually, I think I may be in the best shape of my life. All the manual labor we've been doing here, and the walking, it's all toned me up. I guess sitting in that chair for hours on end made me a little paunchy."**_

**_"Hardly. But I know what you mean. I definitely feel like I've dropped a few pounds." He pulled his short over his head, and this time it was Kathryn's turn to stare appreciatively. He busied himself with finding the sunscreen hypo while she took in his chest and shoulders. He pretended not to notice, but inwardly, he was smiling._**

**_"Here, you should take the sunscreen hypo. With your complexion, you'll burn pretty quick." He approached her and she tilted her heads to allow him access to her neck. He pressed the hypo to her neck, and then to his own. "There, we're all set. So it's warm, huh?"_**

**_"Yeah, it's really nice, I really though it might be…"Her sentence was cut off by her own shriek as Chakotay lifted her into his arms and ran into the lake with her. He laughed as he lost his footing and they both toppled into the water. Kathryn resurfaced, sputtering. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and glared at him while he continued to laugh._**

_**"That was not funny!" she exclaimed. He just kept laughing. "Chakotay, it isn't funny!" she frowned when he didn't stop, and in retaliation, pushed a large wave at him. No it was his turn to sputter and her turn to laugh.**_

_**"Oh, you terrible woman!" he headed towards her, and she evaded him, still laughing.**_

**_They spent a large portion of the day in the lake, alternating between water fights and actual swimming. Every now and then they would lay in the sun for a bit, but they were having too much fun to stay out of the water for long. The sun started to set, and they were still in the lake. Chakotay resurfaced to find Kathryn in the shallow part of the lake, where she could stand with the water only up to her shoulders. She was gazing at the sky, a look of sadness on her face._**

_**"Kathryn?" he swam over to her, and she looked over at him, chagrined. "You look upset."**_

_**"Oh, I was just thinking. I'm fine, though."**_

_**"Want to talk about it?"**_

_**She continued to stare at the sunset. "It's just…it's odd, sometimes, you know? Six months ago, I was the captain of a starship. I was heading home. I was…I don't know. I guess I was someone else. I'm not her anymore, am I?"**_

_**"No," he said softly. "No, you're not. But I think you might be who you were back home, whenever you weren't the captain. I never met her, but I can imagine that she would be like you are now."**_

_**"They really are different, aren't they?" she laughed. "The captain and Kathryn. Two completely different women. And the captain doesn't really exist anymore, does she?"**_

_**"I wouldn't say that. If anything, she's adapted to the new life she has. No, actually, that's not true." He said. "I think that the captain, and Kathryn, are finally able to be one person." He grinned. "And I am very thankful for that. I was getting a terrible headache keeping track of you two."**_

**_She smiled softly. "It's just so strange. I'll never see Earth again. I'll never see my family."_**

_**"You don't know that, Kathryn. We can't know what the future might bring. We can only live for today."**_

_**She laughed. "Well, that sounds familiar."**_

_**"I do feel like I have to reiterate that to you a lot!" he laughed too, moving closer to her. "I know this isn't what either of us expected out of life. We made lives for ourselves, such as they were, on Voyager. And that was an adjustment to being with. Now it's just you and me, alone together for the rest of the foreseeable future. I'm surprised you aren't heading for the hills in horror."**_

_**"Oh please, you're not that bad."**_

_**"Gee, thanks." He inched his way even closer. "I do have to say, though, that you've been very pleasant to be marooned with. I doubt Tom Paris or Tuvok would have been as much fun." He pushed a lock of hair back out of her face. "Or as attractive." He said, wiggling his eyebrows at her.**_

_**Kathryn regarded him for a moment. "Chakotay, may I ask you something?"**_

_**He rested his hand on her shoulder. "Of course."**_

**_"If we were stranded here, with other people, other women…would you still be about to kiss me?"_**

**_He stared at her, silently, for a moment. "It would only ever be you I would be about to kiss," he said, just as he pulled her towards him and pressed his lips to hers._**

**_It was more than he had expected it to be. As spiritual as he could be, Chakotay had never been one of those people who bought into the whole 'power of a kiss' romanticism so many others did, but this kiss was about to change his mind on that. They wrapped their arms around each other, pressed against each other so tightly it was as though they were trying to become one. He ran his hands through her long hair and she dug her fingers into his back, and it was an explosion of every glance and every smile and every laugh that had gone unanswered over the past six months, and even over the last two and half years. Ever since that day their eyes met over the view screen and a fire was started right then and there, and it had been building into an inferno until this moment._**

**_"_Finally,_" he thought._**

_**Finally, they broke the kiss, still clinging to each other in the morning, breathing heavily. They stared into each other's eyes solemnly. "We can't ever go back no, can we?" she asked quietly.**_

_**"No, we can't."**_

_**"Everything will change now, won't it?"**_

_**"Everything changed six months ago, Kathryn."**_

**_She ran a hand down his jaw line. "We belong to each other now, don't we?" she whispered._**

_**"We belong to each other." He confirmed. "Forever."**_

_**She smiled sadly. "Forever is a long time."**_

_**"Not for us. I promise." He rested his chin on her hair and she buried her face in his neck. "We can only go forward from here, Kathryn. But wasn't it inevitable anyway?"**_

_**"It was," she said, her voice muffled. "If we had stayed on Voyager, this wouldn't have happened. Not until we got home."**_

_**Surprised, he leaned back to look at her. "When we got home? You had planned on that?"**_

**_She grinned. "Once I had your name cleared of all charges, I would have seen if maybe you would have liked to have dinner."_**

_**He laughed. "And I would have said yes."**_

_**"Oh, out of gratitude, I suppose," she said sarcastically. "For keeping you out of prison."**_

_**"Well, you did that when you destroyed the array." He smiled. "That definitely kept me out of prison."**_

_**"Well, what am I even saying? By the time we got home, you may have found someone."**_

_**"No," he whispered. "Remember what I told you, all those months ago? I only want to ease your burden. My life has belonged to you, been intertwined with yours since the day I beamed onto your bridge. I would not have found someone else."**_

_**She leaned her forehead against his. "Forever?"**_

_**"Forever."**_

* * *

But, he reflected sadly as he watched the sky, it had been just as she said. Forever was a long time. And she wasn't here to spend it with him. 

He supposed nothing could last forever, not really.

_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

Chp. 4

Usual Disclaimers.

Review please!

**_

* * *

_****_They made love for the first time that night. There didn't seem much of a point in waiting._**

_**They woke up together the next morning, looked at each other, the immediately began to knock down some walls – literally.**_

**_They spent the day rearranging the shelter, making one bedroom bigger and moving everything from the other into it. As the sun set, a full day after their first kiss, they sat together on the grass in front of the shelter, gazing up at it. The gray exterior of the shelter had, in the months since their arrival, almost disappeared under the criss-crossing of logs Chakotay had carved out. He had tripled the square footage, and he was hoping to be done in the next few weeks._**

"_**So, what's the new floor plan?"**_

_**He sighed and leaned back on his hands. "I guess we don't need the two bedrooms anymore."**_

**_"Well, until today we had planned on two bedrooms, a living area, a kitchen, dining area, two bathrooms and a den. Sooo…now we just turn one of those bedrooms into a…library?"_**

_**Chakotay was silent for a moment. "Oh, no."**_

_**"What?"**_

_**He sat up straight. "Oh, no, no, no."**_

_**Kathryn sat up next to him. "Chakotay, what?"**_

_**He looked at her, his eyes panicked. "Kathryn, we haven't had a physical since we left the ship. We're supposed to have one every year. Mine was supposed to be three months ago."**_

_**"So?" she asked, puzzled. "My yearly was supposed to be a month after we got here. What's your point?"**_

_**"Kathryn, we're not up to date on our boosters."**_

_**"Which boosters are you…" her voice trailed off as she realized what he meant. "Oh."**_

_**They stared at each other. They looked away from each other, then back again. The sun finished setting while they sat in silence.**_

_**Kathryn finally spoke up. "There's only a very small chance, Chakotay. It was just once, and I'm not as young as I used to be. It might not have happened."**_

_**"Would we be able to tell now?"**_

_**"No. I'd say probably a week."**_

**_Chakotay ran a hand through his hair. "I should have thought about this. I can't believe this. How could I have been so stupid?"_**

_**She frowned. "Chakotay, I was there too, you know."**_

_**"I initiated it! I should have remembered…"**_

**_She grabbed his hand. "Listen, there was no reason to think about it. We've both been on boosters since we entered the academy. Actually, I've been on them since high school. They're just something we take for granted. They're administered automatically unless you specify otherwise, so there's never a reason to think about it. This isn't anyone's fault. And I might not even be pregnant. I don't think you should be worrying about it until we know for sure." She snuggled up closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "If I'm pregnant, we'll have a baby."_**

_**"Kathryn! What kind of life can we give a baby? Growing up with just us? And then when we die, it'll be all alone."**_

_**"There's the shuttle. And we don't know that we'll be here forever. We also so don't know if we'll always be alone here." She looked up at him and smiled. "Aren't you always saying we don't know what the future will be?"**_

_**He frowned. "Hey, don't use my words against me!"**_

_**She laughed. "Well, you're being silly. I really don't think I'm pregnant. If I am, you'll make one of those rooms a nursery. If I'm not, you'll make it a library. And until we know anything, we'll just have to be careful. I'm afraid the doctor neglected to include boosters in out cache of medical supplies."**_

_**"I guess he didn't think we'd end up like this."**_

_**She raised an eyebrow at him. "Or maybe he did."**_

_**

* * *

**__**As fate had it, she wasn't pregnant, and they didn't have to wait a week to find out. She came out of the shower three days later while he was laying on the couch reading after a hard day of working. She leaned against the doorframe, still in her towel, and crossed her arms. "Well, I just got my period."**_

**_He slowly laid the book on his chest and looked up at her. "I'm assuming part of our medical cache is medication for that."_**

_**"Naturally. And in the replicator files." She grinned wryly. "Let us pray we never run out and that the replicator never dies."**_

_**"Well, I'll certainly be speaking to my spirit guide about it." He sat up to make room for her, and she sat down next to him. "So we'll have to be very careful from now on."**_

_**"We could replicate condoms."**_

_**"What?"**_

_**She looked up at him. "You've never heard of them?" He shook his head, and she giggled. "Well, I'll show you one later. Let's just say it's how people prevented against pregnancy before boosters."**_

_**"Ummm…okay." He pulled her close to him. "Kathryn, I'm sorry we can't have children. I would love to have a baby with you."**_

**_"I know. And I would love to have one with you. If we could find a cure, we could leave and have a family. But I don't see how we can at this point. I'll do what research I can, but I really can't do much."_**

_**"Well, that's that, then."**_

_**She sighed. "I guess it is." Then she brightened. "But we'll always have each other."**_

_**"How poetic."**_

_**She punched him in the arm. "Don't condescend to me!"**_

_**"Oh, you don't like my condensation?" he reached over and tickled her. "You sure about that?"**_

**_She laughed harder. "Stop! Stop it! My towel's going to fall off!"_**

_**"You just said the magic words." And with one swipe he pulled the towel off of her and threw it across the room, still tickling her.**_

_**She shrieked. "Chakotay!"**_

_**He leaned down and kissed her, and all thoughts of babies were forgotten.**_

_**

* * *

**__**"Happy one year!"**_

_**Kathryn stood inside the kitchen door, her mouth open in surprise. "What's all this?"**_

**_Chakotay moved towards her and took her basket. She had been out looking for berries all day. "It's dinner."_**

_**She took off her light jacket and placed it on the hook near the door. "But you made me breakfast this morning!"**_

_**"And now it's dinner time." He pulled out a chair for her and gestured for her to shit down. She did, and marveled at the table setting in front of her while he went back to the kitchen.**_

**_Chakotay had completely carved the table in the dining room, fashioning it from a nine foot long, five foot high tree stump he had found deep in the woods. It had been back breaking labor – for both of them – the get it back to the house, even with being able to carve it out with their phasers. But it had been worth it. It shown like a polished gem, and the wood was smoother than silk to Kathryn. She had knit a pale green tablecloth for it, and tonight, four silver candlesticks and white china adorned it. The candles were lit, and were the only lights in the fading twilight. The wineglasses were filled; a crystal vase in the middle of the table held a dozen multicolored roses, and a basket of fluffy biscuits were next to it. A large box was on the seat next to hers, and she wondered what was in it, but decided to wait for Chakotay._**

_**He came out of the kitchen holding two steaming bowls. "Here you go, my lady. A bowl of chicken soup to help settle your stomach." He set it down in front of her.**_

_**She smiled. "I'll assume yours isn't chicken."**_

_**He set his soup down and sat at his place. "Mine is rice and vegetables."**_

_**She spooned some soup from the bowl and took a taste. "I wish you would tell me what your secret ingredient is! This is amazing!"**_

_**He grinned, flashing his dimples at her. "You really want to know? I might just tell you, since it is out anniversary."**_

**_It had been a year. Not a year since they had arrived; they celebrated that six months ago. They had spent the day then trying to find the monkey who had been hiding from them all winter, only to find him with another primate and a baby one. Kathryn had been enchanted with the infant monkey. She had promptly named Abu's wife Lilo and the infant male Mowgli. When he questioned her about it, she said that she was keeping the Disney holovid tradition and was naming them after characters. Lilo had been a character in Lilo and Stitch, about a little girl and her pet alien, and Mowgli was the name of a boy raised in the jungle in The Jungle Book. He had just laughed softly and wrapped his arms around her as they watched the new family._**

_**After that, they took a boat ride down the river, and spent the night laying in the field near their newly finished home, watching the stars and reminiscing about Voyager.**_

_**"Our lives there are so far away," she said sadly. "I wonder where they are now. I wonder if they…survived."**_

_**"I'm sure they did. Tuvok is a wonderful tactician. Our crew is one of the best I've ever had the pleasure of serving with. They'll make it home."**_

**_Tonight, they were celebrating the one year anniversary of their first kiss. The beginning of their relationship as lovers, and not just friends. She was touched that he had gone to so much trouble for her, and she was especially touched by the soup. They had eaten a bad batch of what they called blueberries a few days ago. She had eaten the most, and as such her sour stomach was lingering. But for a while, they had both been suffering pretty bad._**

_**They chatted while they finished their soup, and then Chakotay picked up the dishes and disappeared back into the kitchen. He came out with two plates, and set them down carefully.**_

**_"Since you're still not feeling great, I decided a light pasta dish would be good for tonight. It has a light pesto sauce. I think it should be okay for you."_**

_**"Oh, this smells great!" She took a bite and closed her eyes. "Oh, my God, this is so good." She continued to eat while he looked on with amusement. **_

_**"I see you're feeling better." He said, grinning.**_

_**"Hey, I didn't eat for days. I have a lot of eating to catch up on."**_

**_He shook his head, still smiling, and began eating his own dinner._**

_**They finished dinner, which was followed by a vanilla crème brulee. Everything was delicious, and Kathryn was thrilled with it. She was even more excited when she opened up the gift on the chair to find an assortment of bath beads and bubble bath.**_

_**"Oh, Chakotay! These smell amazing!"**_

_**"I noticed you always use the same scent, so I came up with a few for you to try."**_

_**"This is wonderful." Her eyes welled up with tears. "You're too good to me."**_

_**He took her hand. "No, you're too good to me. You fill my soul."**_

_**Her tears spilled down. "Oh, honey. That's so hokey."**_

_**He laughed. "Well, it's the way I feel." He stood up and pulled her to her feet. "So, shall we try them out?"**_

_**She led him to the bath.**_

**_

* * *

_****_Most days they spent together, but there were some days they would be off doing their own things. One day, about a week after their anniversary, Chakotay went to forage for wood to stock up on for the winter, and Kathryn stayed home to finish preserving the fruits and vegetables they had gathered. He had taken the shuttle to bring the wood back in, and it was nearly dark by the time he got back._**

**_"Kathryn?" he called as he entered the house. "Honey, I'm back."_**

_**He took off his coat and hung it up. The weather was starting to get chilly, a lot sooner than it had last year. He was glad the house was completely done. They had rearranged the shelter and used it as walls for the interior. It was a cozy house, warm and decorated beautifully by Kathryn. It was the kind of house he would have liked to have raised a family in, but he was happy just to have Kathryn.**_

_**"Kathryn?" He called again. It was silent. He checked the bedroom, but she wasn't in there. "Kathryn? Where are you?"**_

_**He checked the rest of the house until he got to the bathroom. Thinking she might be taking a shower, he knocked on the door and opened it. She was sitting on the toilet lid, staring into space.**_

**_"Hon? Didn't you hear me?"_**

_**She turned her head to him, her eyes still glazed over.**_

"**_I'm pregnant." _**

_**TBC**_


	5. Chapter 5

First of all, I want to thank all my ardent supporters who have enjoyed this story. Thank you so much for your glowing reviews! I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the previous ones.

Also, I changed the rating at the suggestion of addrianna818. After re-reading the previous chapters, I realized that If I had kids, I sure wouldn't want them reading about replicating condoms and towels coming off and whatnot. So this story is no longer K.

And without further ado...we leave off with Kathryn telling Chakotay she's pregnant! Gasp!

_**

* * *

**__**Silence.**_

_**More silence.**_

_**He could hear the antique clock she had replicated for his birthday ticking in the living room.**_

_**"Okay." He said. "So that's that, then. We'll have a baby. Nothing we can do about it now."**_

_**"There are two." She hissed.**_

_**He sagged against the doorframe. "Two?" **_

_**She nodded, her face pale.**_

_**"Are you sure?"**_

_**Wordlessly, she handed him a tricorder from the counter. He looked at it. There were two.**_

_**Silence.**_

_**Then he saw tears falling from her eyes. She wasn't making a sound, just staring ahead of her as more tears fell.**_

_**He crouched in front of her and cupped her cheek. "Kathryn? Don't you remember what you said the last time? That if you were pregnant, we'd have a baby?"**_

_**"It's different now," she choked out. "Back then, I had some hope that we might not be here forever. But with every day that goes by, it feels more likely that we'll never leave. And now we'll have two children who will have no hope of a future."**_

_**"You don't know that. Come on, don't you remember what you told me? You said I couldn't know what would happen. We don't know. There are so many variable. So many possibilities."**_

_**She looked him in the eyes. "Chakotay, you're lying. You're just repeating what I said last year to keep me from panicking. I can see the sweat on your forehead. You're terrified."**_

_**He let out a breath. "There's not much we can do. We can't terminate, not here. Unless you have a miscarriage, we're having twins."**_

_**"Maybe I could-"**_

_**"Don't you even think about it." He said sharply. "You have no idea what would happen. You could end up dying." She looked guilty. He sighed. "Look, we'll deal with it. And look at the bright side. At least they'll have each other."**_

_**She nodded. "Well, you're right about one thing. There's not much we can do about it. It's too late. But I really thought we were being careful."**_

_**"Yeah, I thought so, too."**_

_**She looked back at him. "Oh, Chakotay." She whispered. Her face crumbled, and she started to weep.**_

_**He gathered her into his arms and pulled her down to the floor with him. "Sh, sh. It'll be okay, don't worry. I'll take care of you. I'll take care of you all."**_

_**

* * *

**__**"Do you think I'm fat?"**_

_**Chakotay looked up from the log he was splitting and shaded his eyes against the sun. "What?"**_

_**She stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at him. "You heard me. Do you think I'm fat?"**_

_**He stood slowly, contemplating the possible answers to that question that wouldn't lead to her tearing his head off. "Well, Kathryn," He said. "I think you look a little pregnant. But not fat."**_

_**Her glare intensified. "Pregnant **_**is**_** fat, you moron!" she shrieked.**_

_**Chakotay winced. Over the last few months, the little quirks in Kathryn's personality which he had previously found adorable had intensified. Her hormones were out of control, and when she wasn't starting arguments with him, she was crying about something. He knew that a double pregnancy intensified everything, but his nerves were frayed. Most days he just made sure he had enough to do to keep away from her. He still had a hard time remembering that this was the same Kathryn Janeway who came chasing after him in the Badlands, that this was the same Kathryn Janeway who captained Voyager, and that this was the same Kathryn Janeway who possessed a diplomatic grace that had gotten them out of more than one tight situation. Because this Kathryn Janeway – this hostile, emotional woman – didn't seem to have much in the way of diplomatic grace anymore.**_

_**"Kathryn, you're four months pregnant with twins. The only change in your body is your stomach and your breasts, and really, what did you expect? Your thighs are still sexy and your arms are still toned. And quite frankly, I'm a little tired of having to tell you this every day."**_

_**"I suppose it's a good thing we're alone on this planet. Otherwise you'd be running for the nearest supermodel!"**_

_**He frowned. "What the hell is a supermodel?"**_

_**"Don't patronize me. What are you doing, anyway? Don't we have enough wood?"**_

_**"No." he picked up another log. "I want to make sure we have more than enough. You'll be having the babies at the end of winter, and I want to make sure that you and they are kept warm at all times. Last winter we had a little bit of a shortage, remember?"**_

_**She smirked. "How could I forget? We had to finds other ways to keep warm."**_

_**He laughed. "Well, we'll still be able to do that, but I want to make sure the kids are warm."**_

_**Her face softened and her eyes got a dreamy look to them. "The kids. I love the way you say that." She scrutinized him. "I guess you've really accepted them."**_

_**He decided not to question her abrupt change of mood. It happened frequently enough that he was becoming used to it. "I'd have thought the cribs I carved would have made that clear." He returned her scrutiny. "Have you accepted them?"**_

_**She ran a hand over her protruding belly. "When I wake up in the middle of the night, and I feel them moving, that's when I can accept them the most. I lie in bed and listen to you breathing, and I imagine that we're sleeping in our home in San Francisco. I imagine that all I have to do is get up and go to the window to see the moon shining over the Golden Gate Bridge. Tomorrow I'll get up, and I'll have messages from my mother and Phoebe, wanting to go shopping for baby clothes. I feel them somersaulting inside of me, and I imagine taking them to Golden Gate Park, or wheeling them in their strollers into Starfleet Command, and all the Admirals gathering around to coo at them. And as long as I can have that fantasy in the middle of the night, it makes it a little easier to accept that they'll never know my mother and sister, and that no one but us will know they exist."**_

_**"They won't be here forever. We've made sure of that." He said, referring to the serum she had developed from the little of her materials which had survived the plasma storm during their early days on New Earth.**_

_**"We still don't know if the vaccine will work. But I can tell you that every time I let them out of the house, they'll be slathered with insect repellent."**_

_**He smiled. "I noticed you didn't mention Voyager in your fantasy. You can't see them toddling all over the bridge, or driving B'Elanna crazy in Engineering?"**_

_**She flinched. They hardly ever mentioned Voyager anymore. Then she smiled at him sadly. "Raising them in San Francisco seems more plausible in my fantasies than raising them on Voyager. They never would have existed there. There was never that possibility, and you know it."**_

_**He nodded. It was the truth, they both knew. If they were still on Voyager, their relationship would have never started. "I can't imagine loving you this way, and having to sit next to you every day and not be able to show you."**_

_**She came closer and sat on a stump next to him. The late autumn sunlight shone red on her hair, and lit her blue eyes brightly. "When did you know you loved me?" she asked quietly. "Was it on Voyager?"**_

_**He frowned and gazed up at the sky. "I was certainly fond of you on Voyager. But I was never really able to get to know you. I suppose I was infatuated with you from the beginning. You were so…fiery."**_

_**She laughed. "Fiery?"**_

_**He grinned. "You kicked ass, baby."**_

_**She laughed even harder. "What, were you taking lessons from Paris?"**_

_**"Well, it's true. I hadn't ever met a woman like you before. Most women I've known in positions of power – or who wanted to be in positions of power – would use their femininity in order to get what they wanted. They would use the fact that they were a woman in order to get he upper hand."**_

_**"Like Seska?" she said softly.**_

_**He grimaced. "Like her, yeah. But you never did that. You never tried to hide your femininity, but you never tried to exploit it. And in doing that, it became one of your greatest strengths. But that wasn't all, either. You were fair, compassionate…" He grinned. "A little bi-polar at times, but with the stress you were often under, I guess that's to be expected."**_

_**She raised an eyebrow. "Bi-polar?" she said flatly. "Really."**_

_**He laughed. "Don't look so insulted, Kathryn." His smile faded, and he became serious. "You were brilliant. Beautiful. Imposing. Yeah, definitely imposing! You were so small, and yet you had such an imposing stature. When you spoke, we listened, and not just because you were the captain. You were so eloquent. Do you have any idea how shocked I was at how quickly you gained my crew's loyalty? It was because of you that the merging of the two crews went as smoothly as it did. It could have been so much worse."**_

_**She smiled. "Sounds like you were in love with me for a lot longer than you thought."**_

_**"Don't get cocky. Actually, I think I know when my feelings first changed from hero worship to the beginnings of love." He looked into her eyes. "When we met Amelia Earhart and the 37's."**_

_**She raised her eyebrows. "Really? Why is that?"**_

_**"You showed me more of yourself than you had before. Not only was I able to see her through your eyes – as an inspiration – but I learned that you were only human. You had your own hero's, and your own insecurities and fears. You showed me your fear, Kathryn, when you worried that the crew would want to stay on that planet. I think that's when I was first introduced to Kathryn, and didn't just see the Captain."**_

_**"Maybe we should have stayed on that planet." She said bitterly, running her hand over her stomach. "Things could have worked out better, for all of us."**_

_**"How do you know Voyager isn't home?"**_

_**"Well, then things could have worked out better for the four of us." She said sadly.**_

_**He couldn't say anything to reassure her. There just wasn't any assurance to be had. **_

_**They were quiet for a moment. Then Kathryn squinted up at him. "Do you ever think about Seska?"**_

_**He sighed and sat on the ground next to her stump. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. "Only with contempt."**_

_**"Do you ever think of the baby?" she asked quietly.**_

_**He pursed his lips. "I try not to. I try not to think about where she is with him, what kind of life he's having."**_

_**She put a hand on his arm. "You don't even know for sure he was yours. She could have been manipulating you."**_

_**"I prefer to think of it that way. As long as I do, I can believe that I don't have a child out there somewhere. I'll never meet him anyway. I'm sure that **_**Cullah**_** will be raising him anyway, regardless of who his father is." He said bitterly. **_

_**"I don't think he was yours, Chakotay." She said softly. "It's just a feeling, but I really don't think he was."**_

_**He smiled at her. "I'll trust your feelings over Seska's claims any day."**_

_**She grabbed his hand and pulled it up to her stomach. "Feel it?"**_

_**He pressed down and smiled when he felt the little bump. "It's a foot, isn't it?"**_

_**"It must be, the way it keeps trying to poke its way out." She ran her other hand through his hair. "That's your child, Chakotay. Not a tube of DNA that may or may not have created a baby. This, right here. This is the one who is going to call you 'Daddy'."**_

_**"Thank you, Kathryn." He said softly. "I needed that."**_

_**"I'm sorry I'm such a dragon sometimes. I can't help it. I just feel all these emotions pressing to burst out, and I can't keep them inside. It's nothing against you."**_

_**"I know. I really do. What you're going through, I could never do it. And you're not fat. In fact, you're more beautiful than I've ever seen you." He patted her stomach. "And you'll be the most beautiful when you're holding our children in your arms."**_

* * *

There was only three hours left now. In a way, he was dreading it. In a way, he was dreading it. He was dreading the inevitable questions, the speculations. He was dreading explaining things, not just to his rescuers, but to his children. To them, a starship was a fairy tale. They had never seen the world their parents had come from. They never knew that the gentle father they loved, who told them stories and ran their household and spent much of his days working on some sort of project to make their lives easier, had once been the second most powerful person on a massive starship, a huge bird flying through the stars. They knew it from the stories he told, but to them it was just that, a story. They could never imagine their father in a uniform, sitting everyday next to their mother, wearing the same uniform. They couldn't grasp that the mother they mourned not knowing, the beautiful princess from their fairy tales, was once the captain of that powerful starship. Once, their mother commanded over a hundred people. Once, their mother led a mission across the far reaches of the galaxy, and she wouldn't rest until she saw her people home.

They didn't know that about their mother, and he didn't know how to tell them.

They weren't from that world.

He couldn't imagine carrying Kathryn in his arms off of the transporter pad, with Edward clutching his hand. He couldn't imagine walking through the corridors of the ship their mother commanded. He didn't know how they would respond. It was so drastically different from anything they had never known. He couldn't imagine it.

What he could imagine was the shocked expressions on the crew's faces when they saw him with two children. Kathryn's children. The _Captain's _children. He knew that much of the original crew had come on the voyage with Tuvok, and he knew that the news must have spread quickly about Kathryn's death and the birth of the twins. But knowing something and seeing it were two different things, and he knew the look of shock that would be on B'Elanna's face, and Tom's and Harry's. He knew even Tuvok would raise his Vulcan eyebrow higher than it had ever been at the sight of Captain Janeway's five year old twins with her Maquis first officer.

Tuvok, once Chakotay informed him of Kathryn's death, had informed him on the status of the crew since returning to Earth. The Maquis had been dismissed of all charges if they consented to continuing their service during the Dominion War. Eager to battle the Cardassian's, every single Maquis crewmember from Voyager had opted to stay in Starfleet, especially after learning of the massacre at Tevlik. Chakotay had been devastated to hear of it, but he had been reassured to know that his former crew had fought in their memory. The war had ended with insanely heavy losses on both side, but with the Federation as the victor, for what it was worth. Nearly the entire crew had remained on Voyager during the war, and while there were several casualties, they had come through it largely unharmed. He was grateful for that, and grateful that Starfleet had finally opened their eyes to the Cardassian atrocities. After the war, the crew had, for the most part, remained together. Tom was Tuvok's first officer, Harry was the chief of security, and B'Elanna was still the chief engineer. The EMH had been supplemented – not replaced, at the crew's insistence – by a new staff from Starfleet Medical. A vast array of holo-emitters had been installed throughout the ship, and now the Doctor could move around the ship at ease. His creator, Dr. Zimmerman, had even developed a device which allowed him to download his program into it and leave the ship for periods of time. He would be coming down to the planet to examine Chakotay and the children, and administer the cure. Chakotay had told Tuvok that he was fairly sure the children hadn't contracted the virus, but it wouldn't hurt for them to be checked out. After all, they had gone their whole lives without a full physical exam.

His conversation with Tuvok had filled him in fairly adequately about basic information, but he wondered about what Tuvok hadn't felt necessary to tell him. What had life been like when they got home? Was Tom still a cocky bastard? Did B'Elanna still explode at the slightest provocation, and were she and Tom still at each other's throats? How had Kes and Neelix coped among a Federation where they were the only ones of their species? Was Kes still alive? No, he didn't suppose she was.

He wondered what the morning would bring.

_TBC_

Review! Tell me your thoughts!


	6. Chapter 6

Chakotay watched as the blue transporter beams formed in front of him. Kathryn and Edward each held one of his hands, tightly. They had never seen this before. He hadn't thought he would see it again.

Edward rubbed his eyes sleepily. The twins hadn't gotten much sleep last night. In fact, he'd had a difficult time getting them to sleep. It wasn't until he'd given them a memento of their mother that they had finally fallen asleep, and that was well after 2600. He groaned inwardly at that. He was going to have to get used to a twenty-four hour day again. It had taken long enough for him and Kathryn to get used to twenty-six hours as it was.

But here it was now, shortly after daybreak. Tuvok had hailed him five minutes ago to inform him that they were in orbit. Even thought it was only seven on the morning and they didn't usually wake up until nine, he got Kathryn and Edward out of bed and into their robes. Kathryn's long dark hair was a mess of curls around her face, and Edward was having a hard time keeping himself upright.

"Daddy, why do we have to stand here?" Kathryn whined. "It's cold and I'm tired."

He absently patted her on the head. "This is where my friends are coming to meet us. Just wait a few minutes, honey. Then we'll all go inside, and one of my friends will check you both over to make sure you're…" he hesitated. Kathryn was prone to hysterics, and if he said the doctor just wanted to make sure they were okay, she would wonder why he would have cause to think they might not be. "He wants to see how big you've grown!"

Kathryn beamed up at him. "I'm five."

"I know, sweetie." He looked down at Edward. "Edward? You okay, buddy?"

His son looked up at him with bleary dark eyes. "I'm tired, Daddy. Can I go back to bed?"

Chakotay squeezed his hand. "Soon."

Now, thoughts of sleep were the furthest thing from the children's minds as three humanoid forms began to coalesce in beams of blue light. He glanced at each of them and saw that both of their mouths had dropped open. He smiled, and looked ahead to see who would appear. And as he did, he couldn't help but think of how wrong it was that Kathryn wasn't standing there with them.

_**

* * *

**__**She could hardly walk anymore, and she wasn't very pleasant about it, either. Chakotay would often have to help her sit and stand, and she wasn't gracious about it at all. She would snarl at him and blame him for her current predicament, and then in the same breath cling to him and tell him how much she adored him. Most of the time, he kept his mouth shut.**_

_**They sat together one night towards the end of winter. It was snowing out, big fat fluffy flakes that make the snow on Earth look like slush. Kathryn sat on the couch next to the window, staring out into the twilight at the falling snow. Chakotay was at a chair in front of the fireplace, settling logs into the fire he built for them. It was colder than usual, and he had already covered Kathryn with several blankets, a few of which she had knitted herself. Her knitting had gone forgotten tonight, the scarf she was making for him lying on the couch beside her.**_

_**The crackling of the logs as they burned and the sound of Chakotay's knife as he carved a piece for the babies' dresser were the only sounds in the room for a while. It was the way they spent many evenings, comfortable in each other's company, relaxing in the warmth of their home. At first, it had been irritating to Kathryn. After so many years of never being able to get a minute to herself, the lack of things to do at the end of the day frayed at her nerves. But eventually she learned to relax, and now they sat in comfortable silence.**_

_**"What do you want to name them?" she said suddenly, still staring out the window.**_

_**He smiled down at the wood in his hand. "Kathryn, you know we can't agree on a name."**_

_**She laughed lightly. "We're going to have to. In two months, we're going need names for them. We can't just call them 'he' and 'she' forever."**_

_**"I think we'll know what to name them once we see them."**_

_**She was silent for a moment. "I'd like to name the boy after you," she said quietly.**_

_**He looked up at her. She had turned her head from the window and was staring at him. He couldn't believe how beautiful she was. The firelight reflected the red in her hair and added a blush to her cheeks. Her eyes blazed as though with fever. Wrapped up in her quilts, she looked like younger than she ever had.**_

_**"Why?"**_

_**"Why shouldn't he be named after the greatest man I've ever known?"**_

_**He grinned. "I think I'll keep you around. You're good for my fragile ego."**_

_**She snorted. "Your ego is anything but fragile."**_

_**"Ouch. You wound me."**_

_**"Well, you're not taking me seriously."**_

_**"I am." He hesitated. "But I thought we might name him after your father."**_

_**She raised an eyebrow. She had told him the story of her father and her fiancé' one night at the beginning of their time on New Earth, as they sat one warm night under the stars. It was the only time she had ever spoken of it, and he knew that it had made a huge impact on the person she became.**_

_**"Really?" she whispered. "Chakotay, that's so wonderful of you."**_

_**He shrugged. "He shaped the person you are. He shaped the woman I fell in love with. I want to honor him."**_

_**"Well, like you said, we may as well wait too see them. He might not look like an Edward. If he's dark and handsome like his father, then maybe we could name him Kolopak." She said slyly.**_

_**He grinned wryly. "That's quite a mouthful for a little guy to learn."**_

_**"Um, I think it has about the same number of letters as Edward."**_

_**"The syllables are different. It's just harder for a child to pronounce." He blushed. "I couldn't pronounce it when I was a child. I mean, I didn't have to say it often, since of course I didn't call my father by name. But since we didn't have last names, whenever I wanted to distinguish myself, I would have to call myself 'son of Kolopak'. It didn't usually come out sounding like that." He said sheepishly.**_

_**She smothered a giggle. "Last names would have been easier."**_

_**"It could be worse. My grandmother's name was Gray-eyed Spirit Dancer. My mother told me she gave up learning her mother's name until she was right or nine…" he trailed off as Kathryn burst into laughter. "Hey!"**_

_**"I'm sorry, I just can't imagine a child learning their own name when it's that long. Your poor grandmother!" she continued to laugh, and Chakotay pouted.**_

_**"Well she **_**was**_** gray eyed." He muttered.**_

_**"Oh, honey, I'm really just kidding. I'm sorry. But okay, we'll make sure we give them names they'll be able to learn."**_

_**"Good. Are you done laughing?"**_

_**"For the moment." She turned her head back to the window. "They're going to have so much fun making snowmen when they get older. The snow here is amazing. It's not like this on Earth."**_

_**"That's because Earth used to be an industrial waste land. I'm sure World War III didn't help matters, either. The atmosphere here is pure. I'll bet snow on Earth must have been like this hundreds of years ago, before the Industrial Revolution."**_

_**She looked back at him. "You were a history buff in school, weren't you?"**_

_**"And environmental sciences. And anthropology and archaeology. If it wasn't math, I loved it."**_

_**"You weren't good at math?'**_

_**"I got by. I hated it, though."**_

_**"Not me, I loved it. It's always constant. Two times two is always four."**_

_**"Good. You can give them their math lessons." He smirked.**_

_**She made a face. "No thanks. You taught at the academy for a time. You can be their teacher."**_

_**"Nice try, Kathryn. We'll **_**both **_**be teaching them."**_

_**"We'll see." She grinned. Then the smiled slipped from her face and she put a hand to her stomach. "Oh!" she gasped in pain.**_

* * *

Tuvok, B'Elanna and Tom appeared in front of him. They stood there, staring at them, and he appraised them as well. Tuvok wore the red of command and four pips on his collar to go with it. He looked exactly the same as he had seven years ago. Tom had three pips, and he looked much older than he had. He was thinner than he had been, and there were strands of gray threading through his dark blonde hair. He looked tired, but his blue eyes lit up at the sight of Chakotay.

B'Elanna had changed the most. Three pips also graced her collar, which was unusual for a chief engineer. Normally, they were only Chief engineers up to Lieutenant Commander. After that, most went on to be a first officer on another ship. But he wasn't really surprised. B'Elanna belonged in an engine room. Her passion was the warp core. Her dark hair was still cut to her shoulders, but there were lines around her eyes. Other than that, she hadn't aged. The biggest change was in her physique. He was surprised to see that B'Elanna was pregnant.

Edward and Kathryn both huddled in to his side, and B'Elanna gasped as she caught sight of them. He knew why. It wasn't that they were his and Kathryn's children. It was the fact that aside from her dark hair, little Kathryn was the image of her mother. He couldn't believe it himself, sometimes. And Edward looked so much like the face he saw in the mirror that it was scary. If he didn't know any better, he would say that these children had been cloned from him and Kathryn.

"Commander Chakotay," Tuvok said, breaking the stunned silence. "It is an honor to see you again."

"Likewise, Tuvok. Thank you for coming to get us."

He glanced at the large log home Chakotay had built. "Your home is impressive."

B'Elanna must have finally decided she couldn't control herself anymore. She rushed forward and grabbed Chakotay in a hug. He could feel her tears on his neck. "Oh, Chakotay." She whispered. "You have no idea how much you were missed. How much you were both missed."

He released his children's hands to wrap his arms around B'Elanna. His own eyes filled with tears. "The feeling was mutual. These last few years without her have been…difficult."

She pulled back to look at him. "You'll be coming home, now." She said softly. "We'll make sure things are better, now."

"They never will be, B'Elanna." He looked down at the twins, who were staring up at B'Elanna. "I'd like you to meet my children. This is Kathryn, and Edward. Kids, this is B'Elanna."

"My daddy told me about you!" Kathryn said excitedly. "He said you were one of his best friends. What's that on your forehead? Why do you have a big belly?"

Chakotay smirked at the astonished look on B'Elanna's face. "Yeah, that's a good question. Why _do_ you have a big belly?"

Tom took that as his cue to step forward. He grabbed Chakotay's hand. "I think I can answer that, Commander, considering it's entirely my fault."

Chakotay's eyes widened as Tom shook his hand. "Excuse me?"

B'Elanna held up her left hand. "We're married. We've been married for five years."

Chakotay shook his head in shock. "Wow. And here I thought you two were going to kill each other. Actually, I thought you were going to end up with Harry. And I thought you had a thing for Kes, Tom."

A look of sadness passed over B'Elanna and Tom's faces. Even Tuvok looked solemn.

"As lovely as Kes was, I found myself falling head over heels for B'Elanna," Tom said softly. "During the war, we found we could count on each other as friends. And then we found that a day didn't go by that we could stay away from each other. And as for Kes…well, I'm sure you know what happened. She died last year."

"Nine years old," Chakotay said sadly. "What a tragedy."

"If it is any consolation to you, Kes had a very full life." Tuvok spoke up. "Knowing her lifespan, Kes did more with her nine years than many do with a hundred. We were the better for having known her, and I think I can say for all that our lives were richer with her in it."

Chakotay stared at the Vulcan. "That's wonderful of you to say, Tuvok. And I have no doubt that Kes made the most of her time here. But there was nothing that could be done?"

"No." Tom said. "Kes said that once, her people were long lived, but dependence on the Caretaker changed their physiology to the point that their bodies were almsot set on a clock. None of them lived longer than nine years, and unfortunately, Starfleet Medical couldn't make Kes the exception. Hopefully, they can come up with something for her daughter."

"Her daughter?" Chakotay exclaimed.

"What, you're the only one who can procreate?" B'Elanna teased. "She and Neelix had a daughter. Her name is Alixia, and she's six. She only just went through the Elogium, so the Doctor is hopeful that since she's only half Ocampan, her life span might be extended. Kes did say it took Alixia longer to grow. She wasn't full grown until she was three. And her son is six months old and he's still only a toddler."

"Kes and Neelix have a grandson?" Chakotay said softly. He smiled. "That's wonderful."

"They're on board. You'll be able to meet them." Tom looked down at the twins. "Well, hello there. I'm Tom."

"I'm Kathryn. This is Edward."

Tom looked at Edward. "Hello, Edward."

Edward grinned up at him. "Hi."

"And this is Tuvok." Chakotay added. The twins grinned up at Tuvok, who graced them with a small smile.

Tom crouched down in front of Kathryn. "You know, I knew your mommy. She was a beautiful woman, and you look exactly like her."

"That's what Daddy says."

"My father was very good friends with her, and when I met her, she became a good friend to me, too." Tom straightened up. "Gretchen Janeway is onboard, Chakotay. We nearly had to lock her in her quarters to keep her on the ship."

He broke out in a cold sweat. Kathryn's mother was here? "Does she know?"

B'Elanna nodded. "She was devastated. But she wants to meet you, and she very much wants to meet them. As soon as you're all cleared, we'll have her come down. It might be better for the children to meet her in a familiar environment."

"I agree." He smiled. "Spoken like a mother-to-be. B'Elanna."

She snorted. "Mother-to-be? We have a daughter already. Her name is Miral, and she's almost two. She's got quite the mouth on her."

"Wonder where she got that from." Tom quipped.

Before B'Elanna could retaliate, Tuvok's combadge beeped. _"Doctor to Captain Tuvok,"_

Tuvok tapped his badge. "Go ahead."

_"I'm ready to join you. Please let the Commander know to ready the children."_

"Understood."

Chakotay kneeled down and pulled the twins in front of him. "Okay, now this is my friend I told you about. Remember how Daddy uses the tricorder sometimes if one of you is sick?"

They nodded.

"Well, this man is going to do the same thing, and maybe some other things. He's a friend, and I don't want you to be frightened. Everything he's going to do are things he's done to Daddy before. He's a doctor. Remember about doctors?"

"I thought they were only for sick people.' Kathryn said.

"They are for sick people, but a lot of times they check out healthy people to make sure they won't get sick. That's what he'll be doing here, okay?"

They nodded again.

"Okay, good." He stood up as the Doctor materialized. "Doc, good to see you."

The Doctor beamed at him. "Likewise, Commander." He looked at the twins and smiled. "Hello, there."

"Hi," they said together.

"I must say, the resemblance is remarkable. They look just like you and Captain Janeway." The Doctor sobered. "I was very sorry to hear of her death, Commander. I wish I had been here to help."

Chakotay nodded. "Why don't you all come inside and we can get started?"

* * *

_"What is it?" he jumped up in alarm and rushed to her side._

_"I don't know," she hissed in pain. "Oh, God, I feel like I'm being ripped apart."_

_He helped her up. "Okay, let's go in the bedroom so you can lie down."_

_She walked only a few steps before standing straight up, her face draining of color. "Oh, God!" she gasped. "I think my water broke."_

_Chakotay looked down to where a puddle of liquid was forming around her feet. His heart skipped a beat. "Okay, come on. Let's go lay down."_

_"What are you going to do?" she asked hysterically. "It too early!"_

_"I don't know, maybe we can stop it." He said, his breathing uneven and his heart racing._

_"You can't once the water breaks." She whispered in horror as he led her into the bedroom. They stopped and stared at each other. He grasped her hand. _

_"It'll be okay. I'll make sure it's okay."_

_"Chakotay," she said urgently. "If something is wrong, and it comes down to me or them…chose them over me. Promise me!"_

_"I won't promise that. Nothing is going to be wrong. Please lay down. I need to get some things."_

_She lay down on the bed and he handed her a nightgown. "Here, get changed. I'll be right back."_

_He ran into the kitchen to collect what he would need. He picked up the PADD with childbirth information he had downloaded from the computer files. Suddenly, it hit him. She was right. Once the sac broke. There was no stopping birth. She was going into premature labor, and there was nothing he could do about it._

_They didn't say anything as he helped her through her contractions. They both knew the babies were coming tonight. The tricorder confirmed that both sacs had broken, and right now one of those babies was on its way out. As the hours passed, he began to panic. He knew that the more time that went by after the water broke, the less chance the baby had of survival, especially if it was premature. But Kathryn was struggling with the labor, and it wasn't progressing. Her face was colorless, and her hair and nightgown were soaked from the exertion. He was trying for her sake not to panic, but he was at a loss. One minute they had been sitting there talking, the next all hell had broken loose._

_"Chakotay, I can't do this anymore." She panted. "You have to do something. Pull them out yourself if you have to."_

_Chakotay was studying the tricorder readings. Twelve hours had now gone by, and one of the babies was stuck in the birth canal and refusing to move. He paled. "I think I might have to," he whispered. "The baby is a breach."_

_She gave a small sob. "Oh, God."_

_"Kathryn," he put down the tricorder and grasped her hand. "This is going to be very painful. I was a breach birth, and my father told me my mother was in agony when they pulled me out. I can replicate something to give you-"_

_"No," she panted. "No, it might hurt the baby. No, just do it. Do it now."_

_He nodded and went down to the end of the bed. He locked his eyes with hers. "Ready?"_

_She nodded weakly. He took a deep breath, and began to pull the baby out._

_Her screams were more agonized than they had been through the entire labor. He tried to work as quickly as possible, but every second seemed to pass in slow motion, and her screams grew louder until finally, mercifully, she passed out. He sighed with relief and finished getting the baby out. It was his daughter, crying loudly and flailing her legs._

_For being two months premature, she looked to be a healthy size. Kathryn came around a few minutes later, after he had cut her cord and cleaned her. He placed her in Kathryn's arms, and she gazed down at her daughter with sleepy, pain filled eyes._

_"I think you have a little while before he tries to make his appearance." Chakotay said softly. "Rest while you can. Isn't she beautiful, Kathryn?"_

_"I can't believe she's here, and that she's real." She whispered. "And that she's ours. Oh, how can you love someone so much who you just met?"_

_"Well, she had been taking up residence inside you for more than half a year." He teased._

_The baby snuffled and Kathryn smiled. "My beautiful little girl." She murmured._

_It was three hours later that their son was born. Unfortunately, he was also a breach, and this time Kathryn passed out sooner than with their daughter. It was late afternoon when she woke up, her face white and her lips blue, her body fighting against the blood loss. She insisted on holding both of them, and he had to prop up her arms with pillow because of how weak she was. He scanned her with the tricorder while she inspected the babies and his heart froze in his chest. She was burning up._

_He looked at her. How could she have a fever and still be so pale? He made her drink a glass of water, and he pressed a hypo to her neck that he prayed would bring her temperature down. He administered everything he could think of to stop the infection that was beginning to form in her uterus. He was frantic. She had delivered both placentas, hadn't she? So what was the problem? Why was an infection spreading, and so quickly?_

_She slept fitfully into the next day, with the babies in their cradle next to the bed. Her fever rose and the infection raged out of control. Chakotay finally sat next to her, open mouthed, knowing now that barring a miracle, she was going to die. He had done all that he could._

_He made final preparations. He wanted to hold on to hope, but her condition was deteriorating rapidly. Her fever was only rising. Now her skin was bright red, her eyes glassy when they were open. He sat next to her, bathing her face and holding tightly to her hand, begging him not to leave her._

_"I've named our son, Kathryn." He said softly in her ear on the second day after the birth. "I've named him Edward, after your father. So now you have to stick around, so you can tell him about the man he was named after. Can you do that for me, Kathryn? Please?"_

_"Mm..love you…" she mumbled._

_He pressed her hand to his cheek. "I love you. I love you so much. Please don't leave." He pressed another hypo to her neck. Why wasn't the medication working? He didn't understand! "Don't you want to watch them grow up?" his voice broke. "I can't do this along, Kathryn! Please!"_

_Kathryn opened her eyes, looking at him with her blue gaze for a last time. Her breath hitched. She hadn't been breathing right for hours, and now he could hear her wheezing. She held his gaze, and then slowly, her eyes began to close. _

_The wheezing stopped._

_And there was silence._

* * *

"Well, I have to say these two are in remarkable shape, Commander." The Doctor patted Edward on the head and the little boy smiled shyly. "Your daddy has taken very good care of you, young man."

"Our daddy is the best." Kathryn said from the couch.

Tuvok was sitting on the couch beside her. They had been there for an hour, and he had barely spoken the whole time. Now, his gaze was on a picture of Kathryn on the mantle. Chakotay had taken it while she was pregnant. She was sitting in front of the house, the day of the first snowfall, wrapped in a shawl. Her hands were on her stomach and she was beaming.

Chakotay followed Tuvok's gaze to the picture. "She was beautiful when she was pregnant," he said quietly. "She had a hard time accepting it at first, but once she felt them moving around, she was in her glory."

"It was a difficult birth?"

"Very." He glanced at Kathryn, who was frowning at him. "We'll discuss it later. Now, Doctor, if you don't mind…"

"Ah, of course." He held a hypospray to Chakotay's neck. He heard the hiss and felt the cool flow of the medicine shooting into his body. "Let's just wait a few minutes. I want to make sure it takes effect."

He nodded. "Edward, Kathryn, could you two go get dressed, please? We have a long day ahead of us."

They nodded and ran off to their room. B'Elanna watched them leave.

"They're so beautiful, Chakotay." She said. "Captain Janeway would have loved them so much."

"She did. She held them as long as she could until she died." He blinked back sudden tears. "Tell me, how did the crew take it?"

Tom shuddered. "Not very well. Everyone on the bridge was in shock when they heard you say she had died, and they were even more shocked when they heard it was giving birth."

"To be candid, I was not surprised that an intimate relationship had formed between you and the Captain." Tuvok said. "It was the only logical course of action."

Chakotay sighed. "Logic didn't have much to do with it, Tuvok." He turned to look at the Doctor. "By the way, why weren't boosters added to our medical supplies?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I really don't know. Maybe they weren't considered essential. Believe me, Commander it wasn't my intent to make sure you got her pregnant. It was an honest mistake that the boosters weren't added. I never even thought to add them. I suppose the idea of a romantic relationship between the two of you never seems plausible to me. The rank was always in the way."

"We didn't have rank down here." He sighed again. "You know, I'd just like to get his over with. It's going to be difficult acclimating the children to a new environment, so I just want to get everything beamed up and get the hell out of here. They'll be fine meeting their grandmother on the ship."

The Doctor scanned Chakotay. "Well, you'll be happy to hear that the virus is out of your system. We can leave whenever you're ready."

"I have several crewmen standing by to come down and finish gathering your things." Tuvok said. "It would be a good idea for us to get underway."

_"Janeway to Tuvok."_

If Chakotay didn't know any better, he'd swear Tuvok ground his teeth. "Yes, Mrs. Janeway?"

_"Are you ever going to allow me to meet my grandchildren?"_

"We'll be transporting shortly. You may meet us in the transporter room."

_"Gee, thank you ever so much."_ Her voice dripped with sarcasm. Chakotay bit back a laugh. He wasn't surprised. She was a Janeway, after all.

* * *

The children had never transported before, so the Doctor gave them each an anti-vertigo hypo. "They're likely to get dizzy from the disorientation. They've never been exposed to another gravity field or atmosphere before. This should make the transition easier."

Chakotay nodded. "I remember the first time I transported. I was nearly sick all over Captain Sulu's shoes."

"Well, while that's a delightful image Commander, let's try to avoid an encore, shall we?"

Chakotay leaned over to Tom/. "I see he hadn't changed."

Tom smirked.

Tuvok called for a beam out, and they rematerialized on Voyager.

It was so strange to him, to be back on board this ship. He never thought he would come back here without her. It was her ship, after all. Not his.

A dark haired woman stood across from them. She gasped and put a hand to her mouth at the sight of the children. "Oh, my God. She's the very image of Kathryn."

"Well, that's my name." the little girl said brightly, showing no signs of disorientation whatsoever. She bounced off of the transporter pad and approached the woman. "Who are you? Did you know Mommy, too?"

Edward followed his sister and they both looked up at her with questioning faces. Gretchen's eyes filled with tears. "I knew your mommy. I was her mommy. I'm your grandmother."

Kathryn's eyes lit up. "Really? Daddy said that grandparents give lots of presents and candy and let you do things parents don't let you do."

"I don't know if I put it in those words, Kathryn." Chakotay said, stepping off the pad and holding his hand to Kathryn's mother. "Gretchen, I'm so happy to meet you. And I'm so sorry you came here to find her and didn't."

She took his hand and smiled. "Maybe I did find her. These are her children, after all." Her face fell a bit. "Still, it was quite a shock. I had prepared myself for the possibility that she might not be alive, but of course I hoped…Still, look at these two! What lovely children they are. And your Daddy's right. Grandparents will spoil you rotten."

"What does that mean?" Edward asked.

"You'll see." Gretchen said. She knelt down. "May I hug you?" she whispered.

They nodded, and she pulled them into a tight hug.

They walked through the corridors of Voyager. The children held onto his hands, and every few minutes they ran into a crew member who wanted to welcome him back and see the twins.

"I have to say, Commander, she looks just like the Captain," Lieutenant Wildman said when they ran into each other in the turbolif. "And he is the spitting image of you."

"Thank you, Samantha. How's Naomi? She was just a baby when I saw her last."

"Oh, she's quite the little lady now. She on Deep Space Nine with her father and my son." Her smile faded. "I was so sad to hear about Captain Janeway. We all adored her so much, we really did."

"Thank you." He said quietly.

They ran into several more crewmembers who all said pretty much the same thing. He was elated when they ran into Harry as they walked towards his old quarters. "Well, Lieutenant Commander Kim!"

Harry shook his hand enthusiastically. Chakotay was relived to see he hadn't changed at all. "Commander it's so great to see you again." He grinned at the twins. "I'm Commander Kim. Your mother recruited me right out of the Academy."

"The what?" Kathryn said.

"I'll explain later. It's so good to see you, Harry. Kathryn would have been so proud of you."

The smile slipped off his face. "I was devastated when I heard. She was an amazing woman, and I think I still don't quite believe what happened." He glanced at the twins, who had heard more about their mother's death in one day than they had in five years. "Are you kids excited to be on a starship?"

They nodded. "Yeah, Daddy says we're in the sky!" Edward said.

"You certainly are. Wait until you see the view!" They had reached the door to Chakotay's old quarters. "Commander, your old codes still work. No one has lived here since you have."

Chakotay's eyes had been on the door down the hall, but he forced himself to look at Tom. "You didn't want the first officer's quarters, Paris?" he joked. "Figured you'd jump at the chance."

"Nah, I liked my quarters well enough. Besides," he cleared his throat. "It was a sort of unwritten understanding that your quarters and Captain Janeway's were to remain the way they were until you could come back to them. We never gave up hope, Commander."

He looked at Tuvok. "She would have been touched." He said. "Thank you."

Tuvok nodded.

He entered his codes and they all filed in. The sense of nostalgia hit him full force. He couldn't believe he was back here.

"Wow! You used to live here?" Kathryn was already running around. "Wow, Edward, come look! There are stars _everywhere_!"

He joined his children at the window and they looked out together. He pointed to the planet. "That's where we lived. Our house is down there."

Kathryn giggled. "Daddy, that's a big ball. How can our house be down there?"

"Remember I taught you about planets? That's the planet we lived on."

"Really?" Edward pressed his nose against the clear surface. "It's really pretty."

"Daddy, why do we have to leave?'

"Well, we're going to Earth. That's where Mommy is from. She wanted to go back there really badly, and I think it would be nice if we could go back there for her."

Gretchen came over and out a hand on his shoulder. "She would be very happy." She leaned closer to Chakotay. "She would have been so proud of them, Chakotay. You did a wonderful job."

"Thank you. I just wish she could have been here."

They spent the next few hours with Gretchen. Tom, B'Elanna, Tuvok, Harry and the Doctor had to return to their duties, and Chakotay knew that an away team had been sent down to dismantle his home. No trace could remain of them on that planet. It was a little disconcerting to think of his home being taken apart, but all he cared about at this point was the future his children could now have. Besides, he and the twins would be beaming down before the house was taken apart to say good-bye.

He was thrilled when Alixia, Neelix and Kes' daughter, came to visit them. "My father is occupied for the moment, but he said he'll be by to see you shortly." She said brightly. Chakotay couldn't believe how beautiful she was. He wasn't sure how she would look, considering the huge differences in Kes and Neelix' appearances, but she really was quite stunning. A lithe figure clad in a flowing dress floated across the room. She had a long cloud of silvery blonde hair, and the orange and yellow spots that covered her father's face were gathered at her hairline, leaving the rest of her skin a smooth, creamy pale amber. Her eyes were titled slightly up, and were blue as her mother's had been, and he could see her ears were Ocampan. Her forehead was high like Neelix's, causing her hair to fall over it in a cascade. She had her son with her, a small boy who appeared to be three – or he would be three if he were human- and who had her ears, eyes and hair, but aside from a smattering of Talaxian spots at his hairline, had decidedly human features.

"My husband is human." She said when she saw him looking at the baby. "He was able to get a posting on Voyager, and he's one of Harry's security officers. You'll meet him. But this is Benaren. I named him after my mother's father. She would have been pleased, I think."

"She didn't know of him?"\

"No. I went through the Elogium shortly after she died."

"Can I hold him?" Kathryn asked in awe. She had never seen anyone smaller than her before.

"Of course. Here, sit down and I'll put him on your lap." She placed Benaren on Kathryn's little legs. He giggled.

"Did you know my mommy, too?" Kathryn asked.

"No, but I heard a lot about her. My father was very fond of her, as was my mother. She always said that Captain Janeway treated her like a daughter."

"Why does everyone call her that? Daddy. I thought her name was Kathryn, like me."

Chakotay smiled. "Well, that was her name, but her title was Captain. I told you this before. Mommy ran this ship. She was in charge of it."

"Oh, I thought you were kidding."

Edward came running from the other room where he had been looking through a box of things Gretchen had brought to give Kathryn. "Daddy, look! It's Mommy when she was little."

Chakotay took the framed photo from his son and stared at it. It was Kathryn and Phoebe at Christmas. She was probably four or five years old, and she was adorable. He could see now how strongly their daughter looked liked her. If not for the hair, they could almost be twins.

"That was Phoebe's first Christmas." Gretchen said. Chakotay focused on the baby lying in Kathryn's arms. "Kathryn was really not happy about having to share her presents." She said, laughing. "The only way we could get her to smile was by telling her that Santa would bring her a new Flotter adventure.

He smiled. "She told me a lot about Phoebe."

Gretchen sat down beside him and pulled Edward into her lap. "I don't know how I'm going to tell her that her sister is dead." She said tearfully. "She missed Kathryn so much, Chakotay. When we first thought Voyager was destroyed, we were devastated. Then, when we heard the ship popped out of a wormhole, we were so happy. We couldn't wait to see Kathryn again." She sighed. "Then Owen Paris came to tell us the news. My daughter wasn't even on her own ship. I couldn't believe it. So I made sure that I was on this trip. I told Admiral Paris that I didn't care about civilian nonsense or liability or any of that. I was going to the Delta Quadrant and I was going to bring my daughter home." She sniffled. "Well, I was right. I am bringing her home, just not in the way I expected."

Before Chakotay could respond, the door chime chirped. "Come."

The Doctor entered. "Hello, all. Hello, Alixia. How is Benaren today?'

"He's doing very well. As you can see, he's taken a liking to young Kathryn. But actually, we have to be going. His nap time is coming up soon." She took him back from Kathryn. "Thank you for holding him. I hope you and your brother will come by and see us."

Kathryn beamed and nodded.

"It was wonderful to meet you all," she said, and left.

"Commander I have something of a delicate nature to discuss with you." He glanced at the children and Gretchen. "Maybe we could go into another room?"

Chakotay nodded and led him to the bedroom. "What is it? Are the kids okay?"

"Oh, of course. Everyone is fine. It's just, well…um…not to be indelicate, Commander, but we need to…that is, Mrs. Janeway wants her daughter's...er, remains to be brought back to Earth." The Doctor actually looked flustered. "Can you tell me where you buried her?'

"I didn't." he said softly. "I couldn't bear the idea of putting her in the ground."

"What do you mean?" the Doctor said slowly.

"Mommy is sleeping in her glass coffin." piped up a little voice from the doorway. They all turned to see Kathryn standing there. "She's waiting for the spell to be broken."


	7. Chapter 7

The Doctor looked at them both in confusion. "What do you mean? Commander, where is the Captain's body?"

Chakotay tool a deep breath. "I didn't bury her. I knew that one day we might somehow get off the planet. I wanted to make sure that when we did, she would be coming with us. And I couldn't stand the thought of putting her in the ground, of her…" he glanced at his daughter. "Well, I couldn't do it. So I put her in on of the stasis tubes we were beamed down in."

"Mommy is a princess." Kathryn said, smiling. "She's very beautiful."

The Doctor stared at him in disbelief. "Are you saying she's been in stasis for five years? How did you have the energy for that?"

"Well she's not really in stasis, Doctor. She's dead. But her body has been preserved. As for power, I just hooked it up to the shuttle." He smiled faintly. "B'Elanna isn't the only one with engineering skills, you know."

The Doctor continued to stare at him until he felt mildly uncomfortable. "Is there a problem?"

"No." The Doctor said softly. "No, I don't think there is. How long-"

_"Tuvok to Commander Chakotay."_

Chakotay frowned and tapped the combadge he had so recently re-affixed to his shirt. "Yes, Tuvok?'

_"Would you come to the bridge? We have some things to discuss." _Tuvok paused, and said, almost grudgingly, as though he had been forced to, "_And you may bring the children, if they wish to see this deck."_

Chakotay grinned. He wondered if Paris was behind that. "Thanks, Tuvok. On my way." He closed the channel and turned back to the Doctor. "Look, I know it may seem odd to you that I did that-"

"No." The Doctor interrupted. "No, I don't find it odd at all. I'll accompany you to the bridge. Someone needs to keep an eye on these rascals." He smiled fondly at Kathryn, who smiled sweetly. Chakotay smirked. Even the Doctor's holographic heart had been captured by his little mix. He wondered of Kathryn had been like, that, too, as a child.

They turned to leave, but the Doctor put a hand on Chakotay's arm. "I noticed something." He said softly. "You haven't called Tuvok 'Captain' once, not that I've seen. Did you know that?"

Chakotay nodded. "I can't." He said firmly. "In my mind, Kathryn will always be the Captain of Voyager. I can't replace her in my mind."

The Doctor nodded in understanding, and they headed for the bridge.

Gretchen decided to go visit the mess hall, where Neelix still held court. She claimed to have become quite fond of him, and Chakotay nodded, wondering if she was as fond of his cooking.

They walked into the mess hall. A few people came over to extend their welcomes, and their regrets. The twins were fawned over, which was how the twins liked things to be. With only their father to shower attention on them in their short lives, they were in their glory here on their mother's ship, where everywhere they went they evoked their mother's memory.

* * *

_He laid Kathryn gently in the stasis tube. He couldn't let her beautiful body decay, not here. Someday, he hoped they would be able to leave this place, and when they did, he wouldn't leave her here alone._

_Laying one last kiss on her still warm brow, he closed the stasis tube._

_It wasn't until he activated the stasis field and stood there staring at her lifeless body that it crashed on him at once._

_He leaned over the tube, embracing the cool, hard surface, his cries echoing in the shuttle._

_She was gone._

_He didn't know how long he stayed like that, clutching her coffin, sobbing. He finally realized that it had been too long, and that now he had two small lives to be responsible for._

_He closed the shuttle and walked back to the house, his tears still falling._

_They were still asleep when he looked in on them. They lay together in the cradle near the bed, which was still warm from Kathryn's feverish body. He lay down in the spot where she had died, feeling her warmth being absorbed into his skin. He turned his face to gaze at the babies. They slept quietly, peacefully, not knowing that the horror show that had brought them into this world had ended their mother's life. He reached out and ran a finger down his son's cheek. Edward slept soundly, one little hand flung up and resting on the dark fuzz on his head. Chakotay focused his attention on his daughter, who had shown more animation than her brother. Her sleep was punctuated with the occasional twitch. He hadn't named her yet._

_She turned as he ran a finger down her cheek, seeking her father's warmth. Truly, he didn't know what to do, but he supposed they would all learn together. He had helped his mother with his baby sister from the day she was born, one scant year after his own birth. He would be rusty, but they were his children. He was all they had, so he had better get reacquainted with parenting quickly._

_"What shall we call you, little one?" he whispered tearfully. "My poor little babies."_

_His daughter's eyelids fluttered. He stiffened. So far, neither of them had opened their eyes. Was she about to?_

_Her eyes opened halfway or a brief moment, then close again. She relaxed in her slumber._

_But not before he saw the silvery blue flash of color behind her eyelids._

_And he realized what her name would be._

* * *

Neelix came out from the galley. 

It was odd to see him without Kes by his side. But he had changed very little. His cheery face still beamed around the room at everyone, and he was still clad in his hideously garish outfits that had always managed to make Kathryn smile. He had been of great assistance to them when they had been flung across the galaxy, and he had been a true friend. He knew Kathryn had missed him dearly.

Neelix's face was somber as he approached them. Chakotay reached out to shake his hand, but Neelix enfolded him in an embrace instead. They hugged silently for several moments, until Neelix released him and clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Commander, I can't express how happy I am to see you, and how devastated I was to learn of the Captain."

"Thank you, Neelix. I'm happy to see you, too. I know Kathryn missed you. I just want you to know how much she valued your presence on our journey."

"The pleasure was all mine. I was proud to serve here." He noticed the twins. "Well, look at these two charming young things! You are the very image of your mother, young lady. And you sir, are your father's son, aren't you?"

Edward looked up at his father. "We've been told that a lot today."

Neelix laughed. "Well, for a good reason! Come, sit with me. I have lots of stories about your parents that you'll love to hear."

"Ooo, I want to get in on this." Gretchen said impishly.

"Neelix…" Chakotay warned.

"Relax, Commander. I'll edit them to preserve your character."

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Okay, you two go with Grandma and Neelix. But don't believe _everything_ he tells you."

"Okay Daddy, bye!" they ran off to join Neelix and Gretchen. He turned to the Doctor.

"Yesterday, I was the center of their universe. Today, it's 'okay Daddy, bye'."

Suddenly, Kathryn and Edward came flying back to him. "Daddy, where are you going?"

"I'm going to speak to Tuvok, honey. But it's okay, you can stay here if you want."

The twins exchanged a worried look. "Daddy, we don't want you to leave us." Edward said.

"Oh. Well, you can come with me, then." He held a hand up to Gretchen and she nodded to indicate she understood. He took their hands and they left the mess hall.

"Sounds like you're still pretty important to them, Commander." The Doctor said kindly.

Chakotay grinned. "I guess so."

He and the Doctor discussed the twins' developmental landmarks over the years as they made their way to the bridge. Kathryn and Edward smiled brightly at everyone they passed and shook their hands. Chakotay could tell everyone who met them was immediately charmed.

"I was a little worried," Chakotay said as they entered the turbolift. "Edward just didn't seem to want to talk. And seeing as how he was born last, and had been in there for so long, naturally I was worried that he had been oxygen deprived. Then I just realized that Kathryn did all the talking _for_ him."

"Well, as I said, they are in exceptionally good health, and I suspect, as intelligent as their parents. I suspect Edward was just waiting until he was good and ready to talk, weren't you, Edward?"

Edward smiled and nodded.

The turbolift stopped and the doors opened. Chakotay took a deep breath and, taking his children's hands, walked out on to the bridge.

It was exactly as he remembered it, and he felt as if Kathryn's ghost were everywhere. If there was an area on this ship that was most stamped with her presence, it was this one. He choked back tears as he looked around. The bridge crew had all risen from their stations, and simultaneously began to clap.

He smiled graciously, even though he was crying inside.

Tuvok approached him. "Welcome back to the bridge, Commander."

"Thank you." His gaze drifted to the command chairs. Tom was standing in front of where he used to sit, and their eyes met. Tom nodded in understanding.

Kathryn and Edward ventured further onto the bridge, and the crew who hadn't seen them yet looked at them with wide eyes. He saw one of the Delaney twins- he didn't remember which one – at the station on the upper level, behind the command chairs. Her mouth was hanging slightly open.

Kathryn skipped over to Tom, and Edward and Chakotay followed her. "Hello again!"

"Well, hello." Tom grinned. "Welcome to the bridge."

"What's a bridge?"

"This is Voyager's command center, sweetie." Chakotay said absently, his thoughts still focused on the chairs.

"Oh." Kathryn wandered over to the chairs. Tilting her head in a startling image of her mother, she contemplated the center chair before climbing on and settling herself in. There was a collective intake of breath around the bridge, and many of the crew glanced at Tuvok to see his reaction to a child commandeering his chair. Kathryn wriggled around to find a comfortable spot. She grinned up at her father. "This is a really comfy chair. Can I sit in here the whole way to Earth?"

"No honey. That's where the Captain sits."

"I can be the captain, Daddy. Watch." She pointed to Lieutenant Rollins, who was manning the helm. "You there! Take us to Earth, now!"

Chakotay pressed his lips together in amusement. The rest of the bridge crew just stared at this miniature version of their former beloved Captain. It was as though the words had come right out of Captain Janeway's mouth…well, sort of.

"Did I do it right, Daddy?"

He smiled. "Well, your mother would usually say it a little more…politely. She was ask Tom – Tom was the pilot back then – she would ask him to set a course, and then she would say 'engage'."

"Okay let me try it again." She looked up at Tom. "Mr. Paris, set a course. Engage!"

Tom laughed. "Yes, _ma'am_."

She giggled. 'Daddy says that to me. He says it when I'm acting like a little princess."

Tom laughed harder.

"Mr. Paris, please try to control yourself on the bridge." Tuvok said, almost wearily. Chakotay was surprised Tuvok wasn't a raving lunatic, with Tom as his first officer.

"So can I stay in this chair, Captain Tuvok?" Kathryn beamed up at him.

Tuvok appraised her for a moment. "It is against Starfleet regulations for the Captain's chair to be occupied by a civilian. But I suppose, while we are in orbit, an exception can be made. You may sit in the chair, provided you are not disruptive, and provided you let your brother have his turn."

"Thanks!" she exclaimed. The faces of the bridge crew seemed to be permanently stuck on 'shock'.

"That was your mother's chair," Chakotay said to his children. "She sat in that chair every day."

"And gave orders?" Kathryn asked mischievously.

Chakotay smirked. "Often. But not as often as you."

Tuvok glanced around the bridge. "You may return to your duties."

The bridge crew tore their eyes away from Captain Janeway's children and resumed their earlier activities. Tuvok looked at Chakotay.

"Since your children seem to be reasonably occupied, shall we adjourn to the ready room?"

"I'll accompany you, if that's all right." The Doctor said.

Tuvok nodded. Chakotay glanced at the children. Edward had climbed into Tom's chair – his father's old chair. He and Kathryn were looking at the viewscreen, which had an image of the planet rotating beneath them. He blinked. It was like seeing himself and Kathryn sitting in their chairs, all those years ago.

"Tom, do you mind?" he asked the first officer quietly.

Tom smiled at the sight of the twins. "Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on them. These two don't seem half as bad as my Miral."

He smiled back. "I can't wait to meet her. Let me know if they start acting up."

Tom's smile faded. "It's like looking at you and her, especially your daughter. My God, she is Captain Janeway all over again."

"I know. I was just thinking that myself." Chakotay waved at his children, then followed Tuvok and the Doctor into the ready room.

If there was a room on this ship that screamed 'Kathryn' more than the bridge, it was the ready room. As soon as he entered, he was assailed with memories of her. He could see the two of them, laughing together on her couch, she with her coffee and him with his tea. They would go over reports together at the desk. This was the room they had argued in, bantered in, made decisions in. He could almost see her again, sitting behind her desk, looking up as he entered.

"_Well hello, Commander. What can I do for you today?"_

He shook his head to rid himself of the image. It wasn't Kathryn behind that desk anymore, it was Tuvok. Kathryn would never be at that desk again.

"I wanted to speak to you about any tactical issues which might have occurred over the years. I also would like a report about Captain Janeway's death."

He nodded, and took the seat next to the Doctor. "There were almost no tactical issues. In the seven years I've lived here, I've never seen another person anywhere on that planet. Granted, I wasn't able to explore the whole planet, but we determined when we first came here that there was no sentient life. We weren't bothered by predatory animals, and even though I searched the sky every night, I never saw any indication that anyone else had entered this system."

"The Vidiians never appeared here?"

"No. I worried about it, because I know we're close to their space. But if they were here, I never saw them."

"We had an encounter with them shortly after we left you and the Captain here. The Doctor was able to speak to Denara Pel, and she indicated that they were aware of this planet and the insects which had infected you. She offered to give us a cure, but her people ambushed us."

"It gave us hope, though." The Doctor said. "We knew that a cure existed. As soon as we got home, Admiral Paris put Starfleet Medical to work on it."

"And once the war was over, Starfleet was able to focus on improving their propulsion systems. Using technology scavenged from encounters with the Borg, the Engineering Corps was able to make their own transwarp drive which could open a conduit through space. Commander Torres was instrumental in it's development."

"I'm not surprised. She's very talented."

"As for the Captain's death, I am sure Starfleet will want a full report."

"We understand it will be hard for you to talk about it," the Doctor said, shooting Tuvok an irritated look. "But it is essential that we know what happened."

"I understand," Chakotay took a deep breath. "Well, we did everything we could to make sure she wouldn't get pregnant, but she did anyway. Her pregnancy was going fine until one day in her seventh month, without warning, she went into labor. Both of them were born breach, and I had to pull them out. I suspect that if we were here, she would have needed a c-section."

"More than likely." The Doctor said,

"Well, the labor alone just about killed her. She wasn't breathing right and she kept slipping in and out. Then she started burning up. Somehow she had gotten an infection, even though I sterilized everything and made sure everything stayed clean. It was out of control. I've never seen an infection spread so quickly. She was dead just a few days later. I did everything I could. Every anti-viral and anti-bacterial we had on file, I used. Nothing helped. I was completely powerless." He said, staring vacantly ahead. "It was a nightmare."

The other men were quiet. "It may have been the properties of the atmosphere which exacerbated the infection." The Doctor said softly. "I would have to do some research. And an autopsy."

Chakotay flinched.

"Where is Captain Janeway buried, Commander?"

"She isn't." The Doctor glanced at Chakotay. "He placed her in her stasis tube. She has been preserved."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Commander how long was she dead before you placed her body in stasis?" The Doctor asked.

"A few minutes, maybe. I had prepared it before she died, when I knew she wasn't going to make it. I made sure her heart had stopped and that she was actually dead before placing her in there. I just couldn't…" he trailed off. "I couldn't let her fade away, not at all."

"Did the children know?"

"Yes. They would visit her with me. I made up a story for them from Kathryn's favorite fairy tales. They saw their mother as a sleeping princess. They understood that she wasn't alive, but the fairy tale comforted them. The shuttle and the stasis tube are in a clearing not far from the house."

"Would you come down with me to get her?" The Doctor asked.

"Yes. I should be the one to bring her home."

Tuvok stood, and they followed suit. "I've scheduled a memorial ceremony for the Captain for tomorrow. I understand you've had your time to grieve, but the crew must be allowed to say good-bye. This is new for them. Until now, they believed the Captain was alive here with you."

"I understand. Once the Doctor completes…" he swallowed. "Once he finishes her autopsy, perhaps the crew could be permitted to view her. It might be easier to say good-bye that way."

"That would be acceptable. The ceremony will be in the cargo bay at sixteen hundred hours. We'll leave orbit shortly after. If you would like to bring the children to see their home one last time, tomorrow morning would be the best time for that."

"Thank you, Tuvok. I'll…I'll have a report for you before we get back to Earth, about the past seven years, and about Kathryn's death."

Tuvok nodded. "Dismissed."

* * *

"These are the coordinates." Chakotay handed his tricorder to the transporter operator. She input them quickly and handed it back to him. 

He stepped on to the platform with the Doctor. "Energize."

They rematerialized in a clearing bordered by a grove of tall trees. The shuttle was in the middle, showing little sign of wear and tear despite the years of being bombarded by the elements. Chakotay keyed his code into the pad by the shuttle door.

He and the Doctor watched as the door opened. "Do you see her often?"

He nodded. "I come here at least once a week."

They stepped inside. Kathryn's stasis tube was in the rear of the shuttle, the status indicator blinking steadily. The Doctor peered inside.

"She looks just like she did when we left you." He said sadly. "She really does look like a sleeping princess."

Chakotay snorted. "She would decompile your program for that, Doc."

"I have no doubt." He opened a tricorder and began to scan her. "Well, I'd say the stasis tube did its job. She is perfectly preserved." He looked at Chakotay. "Mrs. Janeway will be pleased to be able to say good-bye."

Chakotay nodded. "Are you finished? As you can imagine, this isn't easy for me."

"I'm almost done." The Doctor continued scanning. "I have to say, despite Captain Janeway's death, you've made quite a pleasant life for yourself here. Are you so sure you want to leave it behind? There won't be any peace and quiet where we're going."

"Despite my children being born and raised on this planet, I am haunted by Kathryn's death here. It's been a peaceful life, but the twins deserve more. I'm not sorry to be leaving."

"What will you do when you get back to the Alpha Quadrant? Will you go back to your home world?"

"Not right away. Kathryn and Edward deserve to get to know their mother's family, and I don't think Gretchen will let me leave with them anyway." He smiled.

The Doctor raised his eyebrows as he passed the tricorder higher. "I can see where Captain Janeway got her…tenacity from. Mrs. Janeway has been a thorn in Tuvok's…" He stopped suddenly, and a look of shock passed over his face. He immediately slapped his combadge. "Doctor to Voyager, medical emergency! Beam Commander Chakotay and myself directly to sickbay." He put a hand on the stasis unit.

"What-" Chakotay started to say, but then he was in sickbay and all hell was breaking loose.

"Get the Captain out of the stasis chamber!" The Doctor was shouting at his staff. He rushed to fill a hypo spray and as soon as the stasis chamber was opened, he oressed it to Kathryn's neck.

"What the hell are you doing?" Chakotay shouted.

"Injecting her with the cure."

"Why? She's dead! What are you doing to her?"

"Just stand back, Commander, and give us room to do our jobs. Ensign Fields, get a cortical stimulator on her. Lieutenant Rolbama, get me 20 ccs of inaprovaline. I want to start direct synaptic stimulation and resequencing. Let's go, people, move it!"

Chakotay stepped back. He slapped his combadge. "Chakotay to Tuvok."

_"Yes, Commander, what is-"_

"You'd better get down to sickbay, and bring B'Elanna. I think the Doctor is malfunctioning. He took Kathryn out of stasis and he's doing…I don't know what he's doing!"

"_We'll be there shortly."_

Chakotay watched in disbelief as the Doctor started synaptic stimulation on the long dead love of his life. "Start at fifty millijoules. Now!"

He watched in horror as Kathryn's lifeless body jumped from the pulses being shot through it. He grabbed the doctor and shook him "What are you doing? She's dead, why are you doing this!"

"There is electrical activity in her brain!" the Doctor shouted back at him. "If we can get her brain going again, we can get her heart started! Now go away so we can do our work! Crewmen Lockhart, get Mr. Chakotay out of my sickbay!"

Chakotay didn't resist as a faceless crewman led him out into the corridor. His was in shock, and he didn't even respond when B'Elanna came running up to him, followed by Tuvok, Harry and a security team. They filed into sickbay while B'Elanna sat out in the corridor with Chakotay, repeatedly trying to get him to talk to her. But he couldn't. He just stared straight ahead, his face colorless, feeble tears running down his cheeks.

A few days ago, Chakotay had been living a simple life with his children. Yes, his lover was dead, but he had accepted that long ago. The children made wreaths out of leaves in the autumn, and as their mother predicted, they made snowmen in the winter. He took them swimming in the lake in the summer and for boat rides in the spring. It was predictable, but it was comfortable.

Now, in the space of a few days, his entire world had changed.

And in the space of a few hours, it had been turned upside down.

He was still staring into space as Harry came out into the corridor, his face just as white as Chakotay's. "You should go in there." He told him weakly.

Chakotay stood up, and with B'Elanna supporting him, he entered sickbay.

_TBC_

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	8. Chapter 8

Big spoilers for (as in direct dialogue from) Caretaker, The 37's, Maneuvers and Resolutions.

Thanks again to all my supporters who leave me the greatest reviews!

* * *

The sickbay doors opened, and they all stood aside to let him pass. 

He could see the Doctor standing over her on a biobed towards the back. It was deathly quiet.

With every step he took, images of his life with her flashed through his head.

_"The Starfleet ship is hailing us!"_

"_B'Elanna isn't anywhere onboard, Chakotay."_

"_Perhaps the Starfleet vessel can shed some light on our predicament."_

_Chakotay closed his eyes at the onslaught of voices coming at him. "Open a channel!"_

_Her face came on the viewscreen, imposing and beautiful. "Commander Chakotay. My name is Captain Kathryn Janeway."_

_He stared at her in confusion. "How do you know my name?"_

_"We were on a mission to find you when we were brought here by the array."_

Another step. The sickbay lights were harsh.

"_Commander, you and I have the same problem. I think it makes sense to try and solve it together, don't you?"_

The faceless crewman who threw him out looked at him with sympathy.

_She stepped right in front of him, the heat radiating off of both their bodies, tense and taut and ready for battle. "You're speaking to a member of my crew. I expect you to treat him with the same respect as you would have me treat a member of yours."_

The Captain and Kathryn. Maybe he had loved her from the beginning. Maybe he had loved both of them.

_"I don't see that we have any other option than to merge the crews. I can't put you all in the brig for seventy years, and I'm certainly not dropping you off anywhere. It would be better to pool our talents and work together."_

_"What would Starfleet think about that, Captain?"_

_"Probably the same thing they would think about you being my first officer."_

_His eyes widened. "Are you insane? Do you _want _a court martial when we get home?"_

_"It makes the most sense. You have the training. Your service record was nothing to sneeze at. You received glowing commendations from every commanding officer you served under, and you taught at the academy. You were a Starfleet officer. And the Maquis need someone in a position of authority they can trust if we're going to make this work."_

_"But you don't trust me."_

_She smiled wryly. "Well, you blew up your ship to save mine. I'm inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt."_

She had been so beautiful…

_"That's why Commander Chakotay and I have agreed that this should be one crew. A Starfleet crew."_

She had such fire in her eyes…

_"Commander, huh? Okay, now hear this Commander. There's a gun pointed at the lady's head right now, so you call Washington right now and tell them we're holding your people prisoner and they're not going anywhere until I personally talk to J. Edgar Hoover! You've got one hour."_

_Who the hell is J. Edgar Hoover, he thought. Then he shuddered. A gun at her head? "Captain?"_

_"It seems we're being held hostage, Commander." Her voice came through strong and clear. "I suggest you pay attention to what the gentleman says."_

She had her own insecurities, and he had been able to just be there for her…

_"Am I the only one who's so intent on getting home? Is it just me? Am I leading the crew on a forlorn mission with no real hope of success?"_

_"You're not alone," he said, wanting to pull her into his arms and give her a hug. "I want to get home, too. And there's not a day that goes by when I don't hear someone mention Earth."_

_"The people here have built a new Earth. We could stay, help them build a human civilization in the Delta Quadrant. Isn't that an exciting prospect? Shouldn't we be grateful for the opportunity they're giving us?"_

_She looked so sad. But he knew that staying here wasn't the right thing to do, and he knew she knew that, too. She just didn't want to be alone in her decision._

_"It is a tempting prospect, but when I hold it up against the prospect of seeing the sun rise over the Arizona desert, or swimming in the Gulf of Mexico on a summer's day, there's just no comparison. I want to go home."_

And now he was going home, to swim with his children in the Gulf and camp with them in the Arizona desert. But would she be there with them? Please, he begged silently. Please, please, please.

_"I don't want to lose anyone. We've all been through so much together, it wouldn't seem right. But I couldn't blame anyone for staying behind." She hesitated. "I'm not sure I want to go in." She looked ready to panic._

_He put a hand on her shoulder, comforting her as best he could. "No matter what happens, we'll make it. Remember that."_

But they hadn't made it. They _hadn't_. But would they?

_"Just tell me one thing. What were you thinking?"_

_"About keeping our technology out of Kazon hands. I thought if I did it on my own, I could keep the rest of the crew out of danger."_

_"That may be a very noble sentiment, but it wasn't your decision to make." She looked at him, her eyes filled with pain and uncertainty behind her Captain's Mask. "Oh, Chakotay. We've spent the last ten months together on this ship. I thought we had an understanding. Why did you choose to ignore procedure?"_

_Procedure, procedure, he thought. It was always about technicalities with her, even when he thought it might be more personal. "Seska was my problem. A problem I felt it was my duty to solve."_

_"So you had a personal score to settle."_

_"I thought I was doing the right thing."_

_"Really? Tell me this. How do you expect me to keep order when the first officer takes it upon himself to run off like some cowboy because he decides it's a good idea? What you did was commendable. The way you did it was not. You set a terrible example. And on a personal level, you have made my job more difficult."_

_His heart sank. She wasn't mad. She was disappointed. "If that's so, I regret it."_

_"I'm putting you on report," she said wearily. "In case that means anything anymore."_

_"It means something to me, Captain." He said truthfully. "It means I've let you down, and for that, I'm truly sorry."_

More steps, more images. Nine years passing by him in seconds.

_"You know, Chakotay, it occurs to me. We aren't exactly in a command structure anymore. Maybe you should call me Kathryn."_

_He stared after her, a smile of disbelief on his face. "Give me a few days on that one, okay?"_

Her name on his lips...

_"I'm building something."_

_"Building? What could you be building?" she chased after him. "And why can't you tell me?"_

_He stopped walking and turned to her. "You can't stand it, can you?" he teased. "You're like a little kid, wheedling."_

She had always been so strong.

_"I've never liked saying good-bye, so I'll make this brief. But I want you all to know that serving as your captain has been the most extraordinary experience of my life. No captain could ask for more than what this crew has given."_

The way she touched him, even before they became lovers, had always burned him right to his soul.

_She gasped as he lifted his hands off of her eyes. "Oh, Chakotay!" she clapped her hands excitedly and made circles around her new toy. "A tub!" she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly before resuming her examination of his creation. "Oh, this is fabulous." She grinned at him. "You shouldn't have."_

_"Well, you were starting to smell a little ripe…" he trailed off as she lunged for him, but he evaded her, laughing. "Okay, don't abuse me! I just wanted you to be comfortable, that's all. We're doing a lot of physical labor here, and it wouldn't hurt for you to soak those muscles."_

_"This is so nice, Chakotay. Thank you." She squeezed his hand, her eyes shining."_

She had tried to stop it...

_"We have to talk about this." She said solemnly as she sat at the table._

_He knew this was coming from the way she reacted to the massage. "All right."_

_"I think we need to define some parameters about is."_

There had been no parameters, not really.

_**"I can't sacrifice the present, waiting for a future that may never happen."**_

"_See that grouping of stars, over there in the Northwest? I think that looks like an angry warrior."_

_He burst into laughter. "You're crazy. It looks like a bunch of stars."_

_She shook her head stubbornly. "Nope, it's an angry warrior. And that's what we're going to call it."_

_**"If we were stranded here, with other people, other women…would you still be about to kiss me?"**_

_"I'm pregnant."_

_**"And you'll be the most beautiful when you're holding our children in your arms."**_

_"If something is wrong, and it comes down to me or them…chose them over me. Promise me!"_

_"__**Mm..love you…" **_

_**"I love you. I love you so much. Please don't leave. Don't you want to watch them grow up? I can't do this alone, Kathryn! Please!"**_

_"My poor little babies."_

His steps were bringing him closer. She would still look the same, the way she did five years ago. The way she looked the night the twins were born. The twins…their children, whom he had raised on his own.

_"Come on, Edward." He pleaded. "Can't you please take the bottle for Daddy? Please?" Chakotay glanced outside. A late winter snowstorm had blown up, even though yesterday had been a beautiful day. The wind was howling outside, and he was terrified the cold would get in. He thought of Kathryn, alone in the shuttle. His eyes welled up with tears._

_The last few weeks had been terrible. He could never seem to please the babies, and they were always crying. He was always crying, too. He couldn't do this. Just them and him, on the planet, alone for the rest of their lives? No, he definitely could not do this._

_He couldn't help but think about Kathryn's fairy tale, about the twins who had save their mother with their birth._

_That obviously hadn't happened here._

_He would never blame them for her death. After all, they hadn't asked to be made. But the simple fact was that their mother had given her life for them to be born. It tore at him, this divided loyalty. His heart broke all over again every morning when he woke up and she wasn't there beside him, and yet when his son grasped his finger tightly or when his daughter looked up at him with her mother's eyes, he couldn't help but be grateful for them. He loved them unconditionally. _

_But they were as stubborn as their mother._

_He closed his eyes in frustration as he heard Kathryn begin to cry. Edward was refusing to keep the bottle in his mouth, and Kathryn had been fussy all morning. The two of them needed his constant attention, and he had begun to feel too paranoid to leave them alone for too long. That meant his forays outdoors were limited, and he wasn't getting anything done. And the isolation was eating away at him. He almost felt like this was a form of Cardassian torture. He had no one to talk to._

_**"Is that a smile? Is that a smile for Daddy?" he held his daughter up and grinned at her. "Oh, Kathryn, you're smiling! Look at you!"**_

_**She gurgled in response.**_

_**He settled her back on his hip and continued his one handed work on the vegetables he was sorting. He and Kathryn had managed to plant a substantial array of crops when they first arrived here. He was grateful for it now, especially since he was worrying more and more about the replicator. The babies needed a lot of things, much more than he and Kathryn had. And they needed a lot of food, too. **_

_**"We're gonna mash these up for you and your brother, sweetie." He cooed at her. "I promise, it'll taste just like chicken." **_

_**The baby didn't get the joke.**_

_**The last three months had been the most stressful of his life. He lived in constant fear that he would accidentally hurt one of them, or neglect them in some way. Yes, he had helped his mother care for his sister, but the situation was completely different. Here, he was alone with two infants. And the first few weeks were the worst. Then, the twins had just been two crying, eating, pooping blobs. They hadn't had much of a personality, and the strain of being alone had eaten at him. But over time, he noticed his children becoming…well, people.**_

_**But he mourned every milestone. Even now, with his daughter's first real smile that couldn't be attributed to indigestion, he couldn't help but be devastated that Kathryn wasn't here. He could see it so clearly in his mind. She would be holding the baby on her hip just as he was, and she would yell for him to come see. They would coo over her together, and smile together at the development of the baby they made together.**_

_**He sighed. Then he cringed. Edward was crying. Damn. **_

_"Edward! Come to Daddy, Edward!" Chakotay held the holorecorder out in front of him as he watched his son crawl around on the blanket he set down for him. "Come on, buddy, come to Daddy."_

_Edward looked up at him with his intent dark gaze. Unlike Kathryn, who was constantly giggling and flailing about, Edward was a quiet baby. He rarely smiled, opting instead to study everything around him and take it all in. But now, he did grin, and bounced on his hands with delight._

_"That's it, little guy. You're doing it!" Another milestone. But with each one that passed, he was able to focus more on what the twins were doing than on what their mother was missing._

_At night, when the twins were sleeping, he sat on the porch and gazed at the stars. If he needed to talk just to hear the sound of his own voice, he would make a log. He had more sand paintings and wood carvings than he ever had in his life. He couldn't wait until the twins started to talk. _

_**Kathryn slammed her fist down into the little cake he made them. She giggled, and her brother smiled faintly.**_

_**Chakotay laughed, his ever present holo-recorder capturing the moment. He didn't know if Voyager had gotten home. He didn't know if they ever would. But if they did, and if Starfleet came looking for them, he wanted to have documentation of their lives here on New Earth. He had Kathryn had used the holo-recorder quite a bit, especially during her pregnancy. Now, as the twins grew, it was almost constantly in his hand.**_

_**"Happy Birthday, guys! Look at Daddy!"**_

_**They both looked at him, and Kathryn squealed and tossed a piece of cake his way.**_

_**"Gee, thanks."**_

_**Their first birthday. They were already walking, small steps, but steps nonetheless. In a few days, Kathryn would be dead a year. He tried not to think about that, and focused instead on the fact that his children had been alive for a year.**_

_**But still, some birthday party. The only guest was Daddy.**_

_**He really wished they could go home.**_

_Please, please, please…The words drummed an incessant beat on his brain as he held the tricorder over his son. Little Edward held a hand over the bright red mark on his arm, his big eyes filled with silent tears as he stared pitifully up at his father._

_His heart was racing. He scanned Edward three times. "Oh, thank you." He breathed a sigh of relief, and might have burst into tears if his son hadn't been staring at him. "It's okay, bud. It's just a little bug bite. Daddy will clean it off, okay?"_

_Edward just smiled._

_He had put the twins on a blanket in the sun while he worked in the garden. Edward had started wailing, and when he went to investigate, his heart skipped a beat at the angry red welt on the baby's arm. It was the same kind of bug bite that had gotten him and Kathryn stuck here._

_But there was no trace of the virus in Edward. And it had showed up almost immediately in his parents._

_"Thank you, Kathryn." He said softly to himself. The vaccine she had developed for their children, which he had administered shortly after birth, had appeared to have saved them from an entire lifetime on this planet. _

_**"Tree."**_

_**Chakotay spun around, startled. He stared at Kathryn, who was sitting up in the playpen he had made for them when they started to walk. "Kathryn?"**_

_**She grinned and pointed at the leafy tree overhanging their house. "Tree." She said clearly.**_

_**His mouth dropped open. "You talked!"**_

_**She just kept smiling. **_

_**He ran over and lifted her out of the pen, hugging her to him. "Oh, sweetie, you said your first word!" Tears filled his eyes. "I have someone who will talk back now!"**_

_**"Tree. Tree. Wan tree!"**_

_**"You want to see the tree?" he walked over to the tree with her and held her up to the lowest branch. She giggled and flung her hand at the leaves. **_

_**"Tree!" she laughed.**_

_**He held her close to him, relieved to hear the sound of someone else's voice.**_

_"Who she?"_

_Chakotay held a twin in each arm, but the question had come from Kathryn. At nearly two, she was speaking quite well, a fact which made him nervous about Edward. While he was constantly studying the world around him, he had yet to utter an opinion on it. Unlike his sister._

_"That's your mommy." He said softly. There, his Kathryn slept, looking just as she had when she died._

_He wondered if it was healthy for him – for any of them – that he hadn't buried her. He knew she was dead. Of course he knew that. But having her in stasis was almost like a refusal to accept her death. Here, he could imagine that she was just sleeping. He could reconcile it, but would the children be able to?_

_"What mommy?"_

_He didn't know quite how to explain the concept to a toddler who had never seen a woman in her life. "Well, you know how Daddy takes care of you?"_

_She nodded._

_"Well, mommies do, too. In fact, you grew in Mommy's tummy."_

_Her eyes widened. "How?"_

_Hmm. "You just did. And then you and Edward came out."_

_"How?"_

_"I'll explain when you're older. But that's your mommy."_

_"Why she no wake?"_

_"She died, honey." He sighed. "Death is like sleeping, only you never wake up."_

_"She no wake?"_

_"No honey, she'll never wake up."_

_Kathryn patted her father's cheek with her chubby little hand. "Sorry, Daddy."_

_And that about summed it up._

_**"Come on, Edward!" Three year old Kathryn ran out into the snow, jumping into a snowdrift and giggling.**_

_**"Hold on, Kathryn!" Chakotay shouted after her. He double checked to make sure his son was bundled up. "Everything okay, Edward?"**_

_**His son nodded.**_

_**Chakotay sighed. "You don't have anything you want to say to me?"**_

_**He shook his head.**_

_**He bit his lip. "Okay. Go ahead and play with you sister."**_

_**Edward turned and ran out of the house. Chakotay grabbed a steaming mug of tea with his gloved hand and followed them out, closing the door securely behind him as he did.**_

_**The twins had just turned three a few days ago, and yesterday had been the anniversary of Kathryn's death. He took them to place roses – which he replicated especially for her – on her stasis unit. They finally understood who Mommy was – largely from the interactive fairy tales Kathryn had programmed before she died – and they knew she was gone forever, but it didn't stop Kathryn from making up stories about her.**_

_"And when I'm bigger, me and Mommy are gonna go in the boat on the river. And you know what, Daddy? Mommy's gonna let me row, cuz you never do." She glared at her father, her expression so eerily like her mother's that it scared him._

_"Honey, you know Mommy isn't going to wake up, right?" he asked softly._

_She tossed her long dark hair. "I know that, Daddy. I'm just saying if."_

_"There is no it, Kathryn. She won't be waking up. Not ever." It broke his heart to tell her that, but she had to understand._

_"Oh, I know. I'm just making up stories. I know Mommy won't wake up."_

_**Now, as he watched them play in the snow, he wished Kathryn was standing there with him. He wished it a hundred times a day.**_

_**"Hey, you two!" he shouted across the yard. They stopped and looked up at him. "You want to learn to make a snow man?"**_

_"Daddy."_

_"Just a minute, Kathryn." Chakotay didn't look up from the console he was working at. "Did you need something?"_

_"Daddy." More urgently now. Suddenly, he realized it wasn't Kathryn's voice. He looked down, startled, and was stunned to see Edward standing there._

_"Edward?" he whispered._

_"Daddy, I have to potty." He said, his voice strong._

_Chakotay just stood there, openmouthed. He had talked. Edward had finally talked! He grinned. "I knew finally taking you two out of training pants was a good idea." He picked his son up and hugged him. "Come on. I'll help you. But this better not be a one time thing here, buddy. I want to hear you talk more often."_

_"Kathryn talks enough. You don't need me to."_

_Chakotay was amazed by the strength and clarity of his son's voice. "Do you do any talking at all?'_

_"I talk to my toys at night when everyone's sleeping/"_

_He stifled a laugh. It made sense, he supposed. Edward probably couldn't get a word in during the day if he wanted to. Kathryn never seemed to stop talking._

One more step. He came up neck to the Doctor, who was staring down at Kathryn with an expression he couldn't read.

"Doctor?" Chakotay whispered.

He looked up at him. "We got her heart started. There was very little loss of brain activity. But she's not responding to the cure for the virus. She's in a coma."

"Did she wake up at all?"

"No. I'm sorry to have raised your hopes, but going into a coma directly from stasis…" he trailed off. "It took Starfleet scientists years to develop that cure. I don't see how I can help her if it's not working. I'll try, but I don't think there's much I can do."

Chakotay trembled. 'So what does this mean? Is she going to die again, or is she going to stay in a coma?"

"I don't know yet, Commander. I'm going to work as quickly as I can to find a solution. I won't let her go without a fight, now that we have her again."

"But she was dead, right?" he demanded, almost hysterically. "I didn't put her in stasis while she was still alive, did I?"

"Her heart was stopped. If you hadn't put her in stasis, her brain would have died, and there would have been no reviving her at all. So yes, she was definitely dead. But as soon as I scanned her brain, I saw that there was still heavy electrical activity. You must have placed her in there almost immediately after her heart stopped. I also think something else was at work here. Perhaps the same unusual properties of this planet's atmosphere which kept the virus at bay in both of you helped keep her brain active even after death. The rate of deterioration isn't what you would normally see in someone who has been dead for even a few minutes. After six minutes, the brain begins to die. I don't see that here."

Chakotay stared in horrified fascination at Kathryn. Her chest was rising and falling, her cheeks filled with color again. He couldn't believe it.

"How long until the virus kills her again?"

"Only hours. I need to get started right away."

"Do it. Find something, Doctor. Just make sure she lives. I've gone too long without her to be able to say good-bye again."

"Bring the children to me. I want to examine their immune systems. Since they were raised on the planet, maybe I can find something that can help me out. And I want to do an examination of you, as well. I don't know why the cure isn't working on her, but I intend to find a way to overcome it."

"Fine. But I don't want them knowing about this. Make sure they don't see their mother. If you can't save her…there's no use in them knowing."

The Doctor nodded, and Chakotay stormed out of sickbay, ignoring B'Elanna's attempt to talk to him. He raced to his quarters, collapsing on the floor the minute the door slid shut, his body shaking with sobs. He crawled up in the fetal position, pressing his fingers to his eyes.

How many times could one's heart break, before it was impossible to fix it again?

_TBC_

Review! I know you all hate me by now. You want me to just get on with it, don't you? hahaha


	9. Chapter 9

He sat in the mess hall, staring down out the window at the world he had lived on for seven years. It had felt like home when Kathryn was alive, but now, despite raising the twins there, it had become just a place he lived. Every day he had looked to the sky, hoping that day would be the one they were rescued. Now, he looked down at New Earth with a grudging respect, and a silent thank you that it may have saved Kathryn. Or not, depending if the Doctor could cure the virus.

The news had spread rapidly. After sobbing on the floor of his quarters, Chakotay decided he needed to pull himself together and do what he could to help Kathryn. He immediately brought the twins to sickbay, hauling them into the Doctor's office before they could even catch a glimpse of Kathryn. The Doctor took blood samples from all three of them, and then he brought them back to Gretchen. She had already heard that her daughter might be alive, but she wisely chose not to discuss it with Chakotay. He knew that she could read his state of mind, and knew it was best that he not talk about it right now. She was oddly perceptive in that way, just as her daughter had been.

He knew she would keep an eye on them until they had news, and he had every intention of brooding in his quarters when he realized that his stomach was empty, and it was making him nauseous. He could have eaten in his quarters, but they suddenly felt confining. So, ignoring any strange looks thrown his way he headed for the mess hall.

B'Elanna found him there an hour later, a half empty plate in front of him and a tumbler of clear liquid in his hands. He was staring down, thinking. He didn't even look up when she sat down.

She took the glass out of his hand and sniffed it. She wrinkled her nose. "What the hell is this?"

"Vodka."

She raised her eyebrows. "Where did you get it?"

He sighed and looked up at her, resigned to having to have a conversation. "Neelix. He just poured me a glass and walked away. He said it was courtesy of Tom Paris."

She smirked. "I wasn't aware Tom had a stash onboard. I'll have to speak to him about it."

"It's not like you can have any."

"That's very cute. Thanks." She took one of his hands in hers. "How are you doing?"

"I'm really not doing well, B'Elanna. I don't think I can watch her die again." He lowered his head so she wouldn't see his tears. "Maybe I should have just buried her in the first place." He mumbled.

B'Elanna's grip on his hand became painful and he gasped. "Don't you ever let me hear you say that again," she growled in a low voice. "She might live. And if she does, you can have a life with her, with her and your children. They might know their mother."

"_Might,"_ he spat at her. "I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing that word. Kathryn might live, we might find a cure, Voyager might come back for her, might, might, might, might!" he tore his hand from B'Elanna's. "Don't talk to me of might's, B'Elanna. You were able to go home and find love and live a normal life with your husband and child. What did I get?"

"Normal?" she hissed. "Do you think any of our lives have been normal? Forget the fact that I started out as a half Klingon outcast, and became a rebel fighter wanted by Starfleet. Ignore that I ended up on the other side of the galaxy with a crew who I would have just as soon killed as worked with. Dismiss me falling in love with a man I once would have thrown out an airlock. Do you have any idea what it was like, when we got home? The only reason we weren't imprisoned was because Starfleet needed us to fight their little war. You don't know the things we saw, Chakotay. It made being in the Maquis look like a picnic on Risa. I saw a lot of good people die. I had to come up with more ingenious solutions for warp core breeches than I ever thought possible. The day I found out I was pregnant – the first time - was the day I learned of my mother's death onboard a freighter which was blown to bits by the Cardassians. She was coming to see me, Chakotay. We hadn't spoken since I returned home, and we were finally going to see each other again. And do you know what happened to that baby I was pregnant with? Voyager was listed as destroyed in a major battle by Deep Space Six. Tom wasn't there for the birth, Chakotay. I had been on leave for a month, and I gave birth to him – alone – on Earth. He was two hours old when they came to tell me that my husband was dead."

"He? I thought you had a daught-"

"Do you know where Tom was, Chakotay? He was onboard a Cardassian battle cruiser that Voyager was hiding from. He and ten other crewmembers had been captured. Voyager laid low for weeks in order to get them back. My son was three months dead before his father returned home, Chakotay. And he wasn't the same man he was when I left Voyager for my maternity leave. The Tom Paris you see now is not the carefree man you knew seven years ago. He hardly ever jokes anymore. In fact, sometimes I wish we were still in the Delta Quadrant. Then maybe my son wouldn't have died."

"How did he die?" he asked quietly.

"He died during the attack on San Francisco. There were complications during the birth – that's why I went on maternity leave early. It had been a very difficult pregnancy. They might have been able to save him, under normal circumstances. But a battle was going on around us, and they couldn't spare the energy or manpower to deal with birthing issues. So you see, you weren't the only one who suffered. And even if Captain Janeway doesn't make it, be thankful you still have your children. Because in those three months that I thought I was a widow, all I could think was that if my son were alive, maybe I wouldn't feel so much like ending my own life."

He grasped her hand again. "I am so sorry I wasn't there to help you through that. I should have been there for you. Someone should have been."

She smiled weakly. "I had friends in San Francisco who helped me. Tom's mother and sisters were there for me, as well. And I also had the distraction of a city falling apart around me to occupy my thoughts. It was a nightmare. But once Tom was home, I was able to put away the rage I had inside me. We mourned together. And then we had Miral." She patted her stomach. "And now we have this little guy."

"It's a boy?"

"Yes. And while he'll never replace my son, we are truly thankful. I haven't had an easy time, Chakotay. And I would never classify my life as normal. But if something happened to my husband, I would be grateful for the time I had with him, and I would be with my children instead of pitying myself and drowning my sorrows in Vodka." She stood up. "Go to your children, Chakotay. I think you'll want the comfort of them being near when you know for sure what will happen with the Captain. And I can imagine her mother will need some support from the last person to know her daughter." She offered him one last sympathetic smile, then she left.

He gazed after her, marveling at the change in her. She was much more soft spoken than he remembered. It suddenly occurred to him that as it was with Kathryn, more years had passed since he saw B'Elanna than years he had known her. It had been seven years. Of course she would be different.

He felt like a clod. Naturally, he couldn't have known what she had gone through, but her life had been far more devastating than his. He couldn't imagine losing one of his children. Sighing, he realized B'Elanna was right. Kathryn might not live, but really, she was dead to him already anyway. He had never physically buried her, but he hadn't much of a choice other than to bury her in his heart. And while the pain had never gone away, and never would, even if she didn't live it wouldn't change his life anyway. She had already been dead for five years.

And B'Elanna was right about another thing. His children needed him, and he needed them. And Gretchen needed all of them. She had come here expecting to find her daughter and instead, she had found grandchildren brought about by tragedy and a continuing saga where her daughter was concerned. How she was holding up was beyond him.

Opting not to drain the last of the Vodka, he brought it to the galley and set it down in front of Neelix, who raised a questioning eyebrow. "Thank you Neelix, but I won't be needing this." He smiled. "I'm going to go be with my family."


	10. Chapter 10

As he walked the ship to his quarters, he thought about a lot of things. Tuvok told him earlier that there was a place for him in Starfleet if he should decide to return, and Tom had even offered to step down as First Officer. But the thing was, he didn't hold a claim on that position anymore. And frankly this wasn't Kathryn's ship, not now. There was no place for either of them here. Seven years was a long time.

B'Elanna had once been one of his best friends, and he would always be fond of her, but he wondered if they could be best friends again. So much had changed, for both of them. She wasn't the young angry woman he remembered. No one was the same, and he really hadn't expected them to be. But it was sad. Even Harry Kim, who had been so young and had worshiped Kathryn, even he had aged and changed. He could see the toll of the war they fought written on everyone's faces. Yes, he had lost Kathryn, but he had lifted in relative peace all these years. He must remember that. And he must also remember that with all they went through, this crew still came to bring them home.

He smiled as he entered his quarters to see Kathryn and Edward passed out on the couch. Their faces were smudged with something dark and some of it was even in Kathryn's hair. Puzzled, glanced around for Gretchen, and saw her sitting at a table near the window with a PADD in her hand.

"Gretchen?" he said softly.

She jumped, looking up at him. "Oh! You startled me."

He sat down. "Sorry. What are you reading?"

She waved the PADD. "Kathryn's logs. Harry rooted them out of the things you brought up with you for me. I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I? I never read them, but she's your daughter. If anyone should have the right, you should."

"When Voyager came home, I was given access to her logs until you were stranded here. They were very informative, and learning of my daughter's life on Voyager helped soften the blow of not getting her back." She took a deep breath. "I can't tell you what an awful time that was."

He remembered what B'Elanna had said, and he knew that Gretchen was hurting terribly over all this. "I'd like to hear about it, of you want to talk about it." He said kindly.

"Oh, there's so much to say. So much has happened since then. But I'll tell you, Voyager returned home to a mess of a Federation. Starfleet was in an uproar. All those years of relative peace had left them ill prepared for the hostilities yet to come. Life was not pleasant, Chakotay. The Dominion War was starting to make a mess, Voyager's status had recently been changed from just missing to lost, and to top it all off, my daughter Phoebe decided it was time for us to put away all of Kathryn's things. I couldn't do it again. It was hard enough losing my husband, but to be fair, we did have a very full lifetime together. Not nearly as long as I would have liked, but our children were adults when he died, at least. He was in his fifties, and while that's still fairly young, it's also still a decent run, I suppose. I was able to accept it. Kathryn couldn't, not at first. Phoebe was the only one who could make her snap out of it. I had hoped she would leave Starfleet after that. Oh, of course I was proud of her. But I didn't want to have to worry anymore. I was tired of worrying. And then she switched to command,. Can you imagine? After what happened to her father, she decided to follow in his footsteps. The night she left to take Voyager to the Badlands, I couldn't sleep at all. I just had a feeling, I guess. To be honest, I wasn't really surprised when a pair of nameless Starfleet Security officers showed up to escort me to headquarters. Did they think I wouldn't know right away?" she scoffed. "The same exact thing happened when Edward died. Two security officers came to escort me to headquarters, then to Starfleet Medical, where Kathryn was. This time, though, I was coming away with no one. Admiral Hayes told me there what had happened. In a way, it was a relief. I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop for years. I kept waiting for Kathryn to die. Now, I wouldn't have to wait anymore."

"So you thought she was dead?"

"Not at first, not really. But then a few weeks went by and there was no sign of Voyager. I tried to accept it. After all, I had always been afraid of this happening. But the thing is, Kathryn dying was different that Edward dying. Kathryn had a life ahead of her. She was so young, Chakotay. And she was my firstborn little girl. I didn't handle it at all the way I did when Edward died. I started hounding Owen Paris, begging him to do something more, anything more to find them. He was having a hard time too, though,. He and Tom had never reconciled after Tom was booted out of Starfleet. It seemed as though he had run out of chances where his son was concerned. We both hung on to hope as long as we could. After all, no debris had been found. Where had the ship gone, if there was no debris?" she sighed. "But even we had to eventually give up hope. So Voyager was declared officially lost, and Phoebe came over to help me sort out Kathryn's things. Mark – Kathryn's fiancé – moved on. Everyone moved on. It was a tragic thing that happened, but there was no sign from her for over two years, closer to three, really. One day, I went to bed realizing that I hadn't thought of Kathryn all day. The rest of the night I spent weeping. But it was true, I was moving on."

He placed his hand over hers and squeezed it. "She wouldn't have wanted you to mourn forever."

"I know that. And I also told myself that Kathryn signed up for this sort of life. She knew the risks, and she knew that her life in Starfleet could mean her death. But I had lost my husband and my daughter. It was too much for one family." She took a breath. "Then, the impossible happened. Owen came to see me one day, his eyes glazed and his face pale. He was trembling. We sat down in the kitchen, and he told me that Starfleet Command received a transmission from Voyager that morning. I couldn't believe it. He told me what had happened, about the Caretaker and the Delta Quadrant. Then he took my hand and I couldn't believe how sad he was. Why should he be sad, if Voyager was home? But then, he told me that Kathryn wasn't home with her."

"I'm sorry. That couldn't have been easy."

"No, it wasn't. Why did everyone else get to welcome their loved ones home, and I couldn't? Well, of course it wasn't everyone else. There were quite a few families who were going through what I was. But none of them had to live with the fact that Voyager returned home mere months after their loved one was lost. Months, Chakotay. If Voyager hadn't stopped at the planet, you and Kathryn would have made it home with the rest of the crew."

"I thought the same thing myself. But who knows what would have happened? For all we know, Kathryn and I being on board could have changed things for the worse. We might still be in the Delta Quadrant." He sighed. "But then, she might still be alive."

"Maybe. With the way I heard things had been going, I have my doubts. Voyager might have been destroyed by now. I kept trying to tell myself things like that, telling myself at least she was alive. I found some measure of comfort speaking with the families whose loved ones hadn't come home. They had mourned when Voyager was officially lost, and now they were mourning again that Voyager was home but their loved ones weren't. Melissa Cavit, for example, came to see me during that time. She became engaged a few months before, and she was distraught. She asked me if it was wrong to be relieved that her husband was dead. I didn't know what to tell her."

"I'm afraid I didn't meet Commander Cavit."

She smiled. "No, but from what I understand, you took his place well enough." She stared out the window in silence for a moment. "Tuvok came to see me, and he explained to me what had happened in greater detail. So I knew she was alive, but the chances of me seeing her again were almost non-existent. She was marooned on a planet in a hostile quadrant with one other person: the man she had been sent to capture."

He smirked. "Oh, she captured me, all right."

"I can see that. But I was terrified. I didn't understand about the way things were on Voyager. All I knew was that my daughter was stranded with a known terrorist. I was convinced you had killed her as soon as Voyager left orbit. I'm afraid I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt, Chakotay."

"You had no reason to. I understand."

"Well, it was your charming friend B'Elanna who finally helped me understand that Kathryn would be fine with you."

He was surprised. "Really?"

"Yes. She came to see me, as well. The Maquis from Voyager had been pardoned, the debriefings hasty. Things with the Cardassians were going to hell pretty quickly, and Starfleet needed able bodied officers. She came to see me the day before Voyager left Earth. I was wary of her at first. But we had a long talk about everything. She told me in detail about everything that happened after Voyager was brought here. She told me about Kathryn, and how she looked up to her. How Kathryn had changed her life by giving her a chance to prove herself instead of judging her by which side she had been on. She told me about you and Kathryn, Chakotay. From day one, she said, you expected the Maquis to be loyal to Kathryn. You expected them to make the merging of the crews easier. She said you and Kathryn became very close in the two years you served together. She said you were friends."

"We were." He whispered.

"B'Elanna said you were a kind, warm hearted man, a man who had joined the Maquis not because you were looking for a fight, but because you were looking to prove that the Cardassian's needed to be stopped. And you were right. All the Maquis were right. And the Federation paid a huge price for their ignorance. The loss of life was horrifying. B'Elanna was nervous before she left. She was worried about the days to come. But still, she felt the need to reassure me. She said I should never worry, that Kathryn was with a man who would lay down his life for her."

"I wish I could have."

"I wish the same for myself. I spent these years wondering about my daughter. Was she alive? Was she happy?"

"She was happy," he said, his voice choked. "For as long as we had here together, I promise you she was happy."

"I believe you." Now she squeezed his hand in reassurance. "I refused to accept that she was going to live out her life here, away from her family. I lit a fire under the asses of Starfleet Medical, I stayed in constant contact with B'Elanna. I knew that when she was in Sector 001 – although it was rare when she was – that she was involved with S.E.C. in developing a transwarp drive and conduit. Starfleet had the idea during the war that developing a drive to get them further into the galaxy might mean finding allies who could help them defeat the Dominion."

Chakotay snorted. "They wouldn't have found that here. We managed to piss off everyone we met. The Delta Quadrant is hostile, Gretchen. We rarely met a species that wasn't aggressive and antagonistic."

"That's what most of your crew said, but not to Command. Your crew didn't care what Starfleet's reasons were for developing propulsion. All they cared was that you two would be rescued. If they fudged the truth a bit about the opportunities for allies out here…welllll…."

He smirked. "How…Starfleet of them."

"No, how loyal of them. They fought bravely in the war, but for quite a few of them, the priority was getting you two back. At least, at first." She looked down at her hand. "It wasn't an easy war, Chakotay."

"When did it end?"

"A few months after the attack on Earth, about four years ago, I suppose. Tom was a Cardassian prisoner until the war ended, did you know that?"

"B'Elanna told me. I did wonder why he looked so…beaten."

"I suppose she told you about the baby, too?" He nodded. "It was a terrible time. I think the only reason B'Elanna didn't go insane was because she was always busy. Reconstruction of San Francisco took every helping hand. But the war had been over for a few weeks before she got word that Tom was alive." She closed her eyes briefly. "Owen – _Admiral_ Owen Paris – begged his son to leave Starfleet. Can you imagine? An admiral encouraging his son to leave! He said it just wasn't worth it anymore. Too many times had Tom cheated death, and Owen feared that one day, his luck was going to run out. But Tom couldn't leave, not yet." She smiled softly. "He had to find you two, first."

"Mission accomplished." Chakotay said bitterly.

"Oh, Chakotay. She could make it. The Doctor is literally the best doctor in the galaxy."

"This might be beyond even his expertise. It's just been too much, Gretchen. I feel like my life has been made up of one loss after another. How can I lose her twice?" he shook his head in disgust. "Listen to me. What about you? How can you lose her _three_ times? It's too much."

"I'll get through it. If she doesn't make it, nothing has changed from what it was a few hours ago. And if she does, then we'll welcome her home. We'll introduce her to her beautiful children. You and she will get married and live the rest of your lives together on a nice little farm in Indiana, where I can visit and spoil my grandchildren rotten. And neither one of you will have anything to do with Starfleet ever again."

He grinned. "I wouldn't bet on that. Have you met your daughter?"

"I'm the grandmother, I have free reign to make rules as I see fit." She laughed softly. "No matter what, you will always have family on Earth with us. If there is no hope for Kathryn, we will have our memories of her, and we'll tell the children. And in that way, she'll never truly be gone."

"I just…I just always run that day in my mind, over and over again. Was there something I could have done differently? Did I cause the infection somehow? I made sure everything was clean, but was I careless in some way? It eats away at me."

"Don't let it. You were the only one there to act as a medic, and you're not a doctor, are you? No, you're not. If you were, then you could feel free to blame yourself. You did everything you could. I know that if you could have ripped your heart from your chest and put it in hers, you would have. It would have been messy, but…" she trailed off as he smiled. "See, there's that beautiful smile my daughter fell in love with. Come on, Chakotay. Don't wallow. Focus on the good things you have." She gestured towards the couch where the twins slept.

"How can you be so calm about this? I envy your composure."

"Serve as the wife of an Admiral for long enough and you, too, can develop it. I hear Admiral Shaw is single." She raised an eyebrow. "Would you like me to put in a good word with him?"

"I'll pass." He leaned over and hugged her. "Thank you, Gretchen. No matter what happens, I'm relieved we'll have each other to turn to."

"Of course we will."

"Now tell me," he leaned back smirked. "What is in my children's hair, and why are they passed out like that? Did you drug them?"

She laughed. "Hardly. I brought a batch of caramel brownies for Kathryn. You should see her when she eats them. It's disturbing to see that tiny frame inhale food like that. Her children are no different. They attacked those brownies and got them everywhere, then passed out from exhaustion. They sure are energetic."

"You have no idea. You may change your mind about wanting us to live nearby."

She opened her mouth to respond, but Chakotay's combadge chose that moment to chirp.

_"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay,"_

_TBC_

Send me many reviews ands maybe I'll be nicer next time hahaha. Don't worry, we're getting close! If you have anything you'd like to see here (except KJ alive; I KNOW you want that) speak now or forever hold your peace.

BTW, if I messed up on the Dominion War a little, forgive me. Most of the info for that was on DS9, and I've seen maybe three DS9 episodes.


	11. Chapter 11

"_Sickbay to Commander Chakotay,"_

He closed his eyes briefly. _Oh, Kathryn_, he thought. _We should have been together. We should have had a lifetime together._

* * *

_Kathryn came out of the bathroom, her hand to her mouth and a look of disgust on her face. She plopped down on the couch next to him and glared at him. "What the hell are you smirking at?" she snapped._

"_My beautiful, glowing girlfriend." He said sweetly._

"_Oh, shut up. This is ridiculous. I'm almost three months pregnant and I still can't stop throwing up."_

"_Well you are pregnant with twins."_

"_Well thank you, Captain Obvious." She frowned at him." Did you just call me your girlfriend?"_

_He smiled. "Well what should I call you?"_

_She thought a moment. "Hmm. Well, I guess that is pretty accurate. It's just odd to be called a girlfriend after all these years. I feel like at my age it's…I don't know. It just sounds weird."_

"_Well, if we ever come across anyone who can perform a marriage ceremony, I'll be calling you my wife."_

_She laughed. "Is that a proposal?"_

"_Maybe."_

"_How romantic."_

"_I could always replicate a diamond ring."_

_She waved a hand. "Don't bother. We can't afford to waste replicator power on something like that, and plus I never had an engagement ring anyway. It would have just gotten in the way."_

"_Neither time?"_

"_No. It's against regulations and since I was rarely out of uniform, it seemed like a waste. A wedding ring I could have worn, but engagement rings aren't allowed."_

"_Yeah, I remember that. Well, I promise, if the day ever comes that we leave here, you'll have a rock on your hand big enough to impress Alynna Nechayev, if that's what you want."_

"_I think I'll be satisfied with you." She snuggled up to him and he put an arm around her._

"_I feel so honored." He teased._

"_You should. I could have run off with the monkey."_

"_How…kinky."_

"_Chakotay!" she exclaimed, slapping his arm. "You are a pig!"_

"_Well at least as a pig I might have a chance-"_

_She put hand over his mouth. "Shut up, pig." She snuggled back in. "So, I guess you want to marry me."_

_He kissed the top of her head. "How could you think otherwise? Of course I want to marry you." He tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. "Do you want to marry me? I mean, there would be plenty of men vying for you if we ever got home. And…Mark…"_

"_Shh." She said softly. "I hope Mark has moved on. My heart has certainly moved on from him. If we went home, I would have to tell him that my soul found its mate."_

"_Such deep thoughts, Captain Janeway."_

"_Just speaking the truth, Commander." She squeezed his leg. "I love you, Chakotay. Getting home wouldn't change that. We'd be married as soon as possible, and spend the rest of our lives together with our children." She giggled. 'After all, you are my 'angry warrior'."_

"_You know, there was more to that story."_

"_Really? I don't see how you can top him finally finding peace with his lady warrior."_

"_Well…the angry warrior and the woman warrior were separated from their war party. They had to learn to work together to survive, and again, he felt most at peace when he was easing her burdens. Soon, he found himself in love with his woman warrior. He was never happier than when she told him she loved him, too. They lived together, just the two of them, safe in each other's love. Then one day the woman warrior told him she was to have his children, and he was scared. He didn't know if he could provide for these two new children so far away from their tribe. He was angry with himself for the situation they were in. Again, he vowed to ease his woman warrior's burdens. He began to realize that as long as they had love, and as long as their children would feel that love, they would never want for anything, not any of them. And so, the angry warrior lost the last of his anger, finally finding true peace with his family."_

_Kathryn laced her fingers through his. "Is that really an ancient legend?"_

"_It will be, one day." He squeezed her hand. "One day we'll or rescued, or our children will leave this place, and they'll tell their children, and their children will tell theirs, and it will be passed down. One day it will be an ancient legend, about the two warriors who fell in love and found peace through each other."_

"_I have an ancient legend for you." She whispered._

"_Tell me."_

"_It's an ancient legend among my people. Once, there was a woman who came from a long line of warriors. She didn't want to be a warrior, but she wanted to help her tribe in some way, so she became an explorer. She wanted her father to be proud of her, but he was a warrior and she always felt like being an explorer wasn't enough for him. She did what she could to help the other warriors, to make her father proud. One day, one of the warriors brought her with him to explore, but they were captured by an evil tribe from far away._

"_The woman didn't think they would leave alive, but they were rescued by another explorer, who was really a warrior. She and the warrior fell in love, and she could feel her father's approval for her choice. But one day, she and her father and her warrior left on a trek, and her father and the warrior were killed. The woman couldn't move on from what had happened, and when she was able to live life again eventually, she vowed she would become a warrior in her father's name._

"_She became one of the fiercest warriors in the tribe, and because she was an explorer, too, the tribe leaders gave her more important treks to go on, and made her more important in the tribe. She found contentment with one of her former fellow explorers, and she thought that perhaps he was the one she was meant to be with. She didn't want another warrior. Warriors died, and she wouldn't go through that pain again._

"_One day, the leaders of the tribe told her to capture a warrior who had once been one of them. He was attacking their enemies, and shaking the fragile peace they had built up. So the woman warrior went after this angry warrior, determined to bring him to her leaders and make him pay for what he was doing. But while she was on her way to capture him, she and her war party were lost. They couldn't find their way home, but they did find the angry warrior and his party of rebels. She found him to be very different from what the leaders had told her. They led her to believe he was a callous murderer, but instead, she found a gentle man with a strong heart and a keen mind. He sacrificed the resources of his tribe in order to save hers, so in return, she asked him to join them. She didn't expect it to be easy, but he did everything in his power to make their journey fruitful. She knew that he was coming to care for her, but she was afraid to care for him. She had already lost one warrior, and now she had lost her explorer as well. Her heart couldn't lose anyone else, so she wouldn't let herself love the angry warrior._

"_One day, she and the angry warrior were separated from their war party, and the party had to go on without them. The woman warrior was furious. It was her war party, and now she was being left behind. The angry warrior did what he could to make a home for them, but she just wanted to go home. She spent her days searching for a way home while he made a home for them there, and finally one day she realized how much he was doing for them. A huge storm came that destroyed all the work she had done towards getting them back to their people, and she was devastated. She gave up hope of going home. But after a while, it didn't matter as much anymore. She found herself loving the angry warrior, and she was more thankful than she could say for everything he had done for them. Soon, she knew that he loved her, too. They started a family together, and even though they were away from their tribe, they had each other. She wasn't afraid of loving a warrior anymore, because she knew that even if she lost him, the moments they had together would be enough for a lifetime. And even though she was afraid of having a family so far away from their tribe, she knew their children would know they were loved. She knew that it was worth it just to allow herself to feel his love. In that way, the woman warrior was finally able to let go of her fear, and find love and peace."_

_Chakotay felt a tear roll down his cheek. He hadn't realized she had been afraid to love him. "And they lived happily ever after?" he whispered._

"_Of course." She laughed softly. "The angry warrior, the woman warrior, and their two little warriors. Happily ever after."_

* * *

Chakotay opened his eyes. They locked with Gretchen's, and he could see his fear reflected in them. He swallowed and tapped his combadge. "Go ahead, Doctor."

"_Please report to sickbay. I have some news about Captain Janeway."_

"I'm on my way." He grasped Gretchen's hand. He could see that despite her reassurances, she was suddenly terrified. "Don't be afraid, Gretchen." He whispered. "No matter what, you'll always know that she loved you very dearly."

She nodded, but her eyes were filled with tears. "I know, but that doesn't make this any easier. Would you like me to go with you?"

"No, that's all right. Would you mind watching them for a while longer? I promise, I'll contact you as soon as I have news."

She nodded again, then threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "No matter what happens, I'm so glad she had the chance to love you." She said softly in his ear.

"And I'm honored I was given the chance to love her." He placed a kiss on Gretchen's cheek. "I'll contact you soon."

* * *

On his way to sickbay, he mulled over the events of the last few days. He had truly never expected to be back here again, and it was hard to get used to it. Every time the computer chirped it nearly gave him a heart attack. Riding in the turbo lift made him nauseous. Staring out the window into space made him apprehensive. He hadn't even been this bad when he first left his tribe.

He thought about everyone who had come back to get them, putting their lives on hold to rescue people they hadn't seen in seven years. The depth of their loyalty astounded him, and he couldn't imagine how he would ever repay them. This went far and above the call of duty.

He remembered Samantha Wildman said she had a son now. Neelix told him earlier in the mess hall that the boy was two years old, and his name was Rathen, after her husband's father. "He really is a wonderful little boy, so much like Naomi when she was small. And Naomi adores him. You wouldn't believe her," Neelix had told him proudly. "She's a beautiful little girl, and so smart! She even beats Tuvok at Kaltoh!"

Even Harry had a family now. He had returned home to find his girlfriend, Libby, still waiting for him. According to Neelix, they now had two adorable dark eyed sons. "James is four and Henry is two. Little Myra is on her way in a few months. You should see them with Miral Paris. The three of them are like a hurricane."

Harry Kim, a father? When he first met him, Harry had been greener than grass. Now he was a security chief and responsible for shaping the lives of his small children. He couldn't picture it. He knew Harry made a fine father, but still, he couldn't picture it. The only thing that was harder to picture was Tom Paris with a two year old daughter. Poor kid, he thought ruefully. Then he mentally kicked himself. After everything Tom had gone through, no doubt he was more of an adult than Chakotay.

He couldn't believe all that had changed. Then he thought of Kathryn. At least he had been aware of the passage of time. What would it be like for her, if she woke up? She had gone to sleep thinking she would stay asleep, and she had gone to sleep having two little babies. Now, she was back on her ship, but it wasn't her ship, and her two little babies were certainly not babies anymore. The only thing that remained constant was him. He loved her as much today as he had the day she died. And despite being a single father for five years, he really was the same person. But how would she take everything else?

And why was he even contemplating it? Why was he raising his own hopes by imagining a future she would be acclimating to? She was _dead_. She had been dead for five years, and no amount of the Doctor's hocus pocus was going to change that. He didn't know what the Doctor hoped to accomplish here, but he couldn't possibly bring her back.

And if he did…would she still be Kathryn?

What could being dead for five years _do_ to someone?

He took a deep breath as he approached sickbay. Bracing himself for whatever was to come, he walked through the doors.

"Doc?"

The Doctor turned as he walked in, his expression inscrutable.

"Commander. I'm glad you're here."

_TBC_

Don't worry! Chapter 12 is right behind this one! Review please :)


	12. Chapter 12

Chakotay moved farther into the room. He noticed it was suspiciously empty of the Doctor's staff. "What is it? Has there been a change in her condition?" His eyes darted over to the far end of sickbay, where Kathryn lay on a biobed. He was still too far away to see much of her, though.

"Yes, there has. Commander, perhaps we should discuss this in my office."

He glared at the Doctor. "Why can't we discuss it here?"

The Doctor sighed and turned to go into his office. "Please, Commander."

He glanced once more at Kathryn's form before reluctantly following the Doctor. They sat at his desk, across from each other. The Doctor folded his hands under his chin and looked at Chakotay with compassionate brown eyes.

"I exhausted every test. I came up with twenty different variations of the vaccine from the original, and none of them worked. I-"

"Save it." Chakotay said sharply. "Just tell me what's going to happen. Are you going to take her off life support?"

"You didn't let me finish, Commander." The Doctor retorted. "After I exhausted all conventional methods, I began to use the blood samples I took to try and find an effective treatment. In examining the samples, I learned something interesting."

"And what is that?" Chakotay asked through clenched teeth.

If the Doctor noticed his frustration, he ignored it. "It's your blood. The chemistry is somewhat different than the average human's."

Chakotay frowned. "How do you mean?"

"It's…enhanced. That's the only easy I can describe it. I believe it's a result of the alien 'gift' you received shortly before you and the Captain were infected by the virus."

Chakotay remembered that away mission, all those years ago, to the planet of his people's 'sky spirits'. But why did that matter now? "Doc, please. What does this have to do with Kathryn?"

"I don't know why Captain Janeway's immune system rejected the cure. I can only postulate that it had something to do with the fact that she was deceased. And once I examined your blood, I noticed there were unusual regenerative properties embedded in your DNA. I tried using it to form a vaccination serum. It didn't work."

"And?" Chakotay all but shouted.

"Her body rejected your DNA. It was too drastically different from hers." The Doctor paused, and Chakotay could feel a stroke coming on. "So…I used the samples that had a little of both. Your DNA…and hers."

Chakotay paused in his building stroke. He stood up slowly. "What are you saying?" he whispered.

"I'm saying that I was able to formulate an effective vaccine using the blood samples from your children. In essence, Kathryn and Edward have saved their mother's life."

Chakotay's knees buckled and he struggled to stay upright. His heartbeat was thundering in his ears, right alongside the echo of Kathryn's long ago words.

"_I liked that it was her children who pulled her out of her sleep. It was something for her to live for."_

"_One can only hope that one's child is that enterprising."_

"_I'll admit, there was always a part of me that wanted to live a fairy tale"._

_"__And they lived happily ever after."_

"So she's okay? She's going to live?" he rasped.

The Doctor held up a hand. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Right now, she's stable. Her body accepted the vaccine, and she no longer carries the virus. But Commander, you know her body has been through a lot. Even though by all rights she was only dead for a few minutes, she was suspended in that state for five years. Her body is very, very frail right now. She hasn't woken up, and I can't say for certain when – or even if – she will."

Chakotay braced himself on the desk. "I don't understand. There are hundreds of documented cases of people who have been frozen for centuries, and they've been revived to live healthy, full lives. How is this any different?"

"Every case is different, Commander."

Chakotay slammed his fists on the table. "Stop calling me Commander!" he shouted. "I'm not a Commander. I never was. I did it for her, and now I want you to stop screwing with me and tell me what is going to happen here!"

"Chakotay, please try to get your emotions under control and look at this objectively-"

"How do you expect me to look at this objectively? The woman I love, the mother of my _children_ is laying there, stuck somewhere between life and death, and you want me to look at this objectively? Do you have any idea what it was like for me down there when she died? Well, do you?"

"I imagine it was difficult." The Doctor said slowly. "Com-Chakotay, you'll have to forgive me if I fail to properly consider the depth of your emotions in this situation. Remember, when we left you two here, you were barely friends. I more or less expected that a romantic relationship may have sprung up between you after all these years, but expecting something and actually seeing it are two different things. I'm not taking into account the extent of your grief, and for that, I apologize."

The Doctor's words calmed him down, just a little. "Sorry, Doc." He said gruffly. "I didn't mean to take it out on you like that."

The Doctor nodded. "That's all right." He said softly. "You're going through a lot right now." He tapped a finger briefly on the table, and Chakotay was suddenly struck by how much more human the Doctor had become in the years since he saw him. He was surprised he could think of anything except Kathryn at this point, but he figured the brain worked in mysterious ways. Unfortunately, the Doctor caught him staring and immediately picked up on it.

"I suppose you're wondering about my gestures." He said, a tad pompously. "Commander Torres installed the subroutine several years ago. All the little unconscious gestures humans make, I make as well. I must say, I think it goes a long way towards making my patients comfortable with me."

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "That's fascinating, Doctor. But…"

The Doctor's expression changed immediately from pride to professionalism. "Of course, I'm sorry. I really can't give you any guarantees here. She'll either wake up, or she won't. To be quite frank, I'd say at this point, it's up to her."

"Up to her?" Chakotay asked in disbelief. "She's been dead for five years! For all we know, her consciousness isn't even there anymore!"

"I'm not going to debate theology with you-"

"And I'm not trying to goad you into a theological debated. But you're not giving me any solid answers here, Doctor. I need _something_."

"Fine. Her heart rate is the resting heart rate of someone in a state of unconsciousness. Her brain activity is at the same stage. However, there is no indication that her brain is in a state of R.E.M. sleep. She's not in a coma, and she's not asleep. And in response to your earlier question, well like I said, every case is different. Cryogenics was the forbearer of stasis, and while it was usually successful, there were many cases of people who weren't able to be revived. And keep in mind, those patients were usually prepped for cryo-freeze and tended to by doctors and scientists. The same is true for stasis. The units you and Captain Janeway were sent down in were never meant for long term use. They were temporary, portable stasis units. As such, while Captain Janeway's body was perfectly preserved, her biological functions were not. Tell me, Commander. When you placed her in the unit, did you have any intention of reviving her in the future?'

"No, I didn't. I know it's possible for someone to be revived if they've been placed in stasis shortly after death, but I suppose things were so crazy that it never occurred to me. And after the trauma of her death…I guess I just didn't think it was possible."

"The stasis unit was never prepped for this kind of use. Captain Janeway wasn't prepped, either. Her condition wasn't properly monitored. The unit she was in wasn't equipped for it, and you certainly aren't qualified. Basically, the fact that she had brain activity is surprising in and of itself. There really isn't a precedent for this particular situation, especially considering the cause of death. I really don't want to go unto the gory details, but you saw for yourself. We had a lot to repair."

"I know." He said shortly. "It was…pretty bad."

"Bad is an understatement. Had she been in any medical facility, there is no question there would have been a c-section, or a fetal transport. Any woman would have died in that situation. I can't even tell you for sure that it was the infection that killed her. There was hemorrhaging, internal bleeding, uterine tearing…honestly, I'm surprised she lasted the few days she did."

"But you fixed it, right?"

"Of course. It was one of the first things we took care of. If you had put her in stasis any later I might not have been able to reverse the damage. But I did. I can't promise she'll be able to have children again if she wakes up-"

"I'm not concerned with that at all right now." Chakotay interrupted. "I just want her to wake up."

"I've done all I can with modern medicine. There really is nothing further I can do except maintain her health. If she's going to wake up, it's going to be on her own. I've tried to wake her up already."

Chakotay sighed. "I can't believe that she would go through all this just to not wake up."

"I can't either. She was always a strong woman, Chakotay. I hope that she'll refuse to go quietly, just as she always did." The Doctor stood up. He rounded the desk to stand next to Chakotay, and placed a hand on the other man's arm. "Would you like to see her? Maybe you'd like to talk to her for a little while. Hearing your voice might help."

Chakotay nodded, and followed the Doctor the Kathryn's biobed. He sat down on a chair next to it, and stared at her. It was the first time in five years he saw her chest rise and fall as she breathed. He was nearly hypnotized by it, and barely heard what the Doctor was saying until he called his name.

"Sorry, Doctor. I'm just…I'm just taking it in."

"I understand. I was asking you if I should have some of the crew come see her, So far, they've stayed away, out of respect, I think. One of my nurses mentioned that a lot of them feel they shouldn't intrude. The Captain still has their loyalty and respect, even after all this time."

"She would appreciate that." He continued to stare at her. "While I'm here with her, I'd appreciate it if no one else was. I can't deal with anymore sympathy, as well intentioned as it is."

"I'll make sure you aren't disturbed."

"I'll definitely be gone in four hours. I want to be able to put the children to bed. They've had enough upheaval lately; I don't want to add to it."

"Of course." The Doctor placed a brief hand on Chakotay's shoulder, then headed back into his office.

Chakotay sat looking at her. He wanted to touch her hand, but he was suddenly afraid to. He was afraid he would touch her and she would disappear, or be dead again. She was still a sleeping princess to him, only able to be woken up by a prince's kiss. And he knew he wasn't worthy enough to be that prince. He had never deserved her.

"But are you the princess, or the woman warrior?" he whispered to her inert form. "Are you to be saved with a kiss, or a warrior's cry? What will it be, Kathryn? How can we make you live again?"

She didn't answer. He didn't expect her to.

Tentatively, he reached out a hand. He ran a finger down her cheek, gasping at the feel of her skin after all these years. It was as smooth and warm as the last time he touched it, and he suddenly wondered if a day had gone by at all. Was he going crazy? Was Kathryn right here in front of him?

He slowly let his hand drift to hers. He gently picked it up and entwined his fingers with hers. He pulled their joined hands up to his lips and held them there, tears falling silently from his eyes. He ran his other hand through her long hair, which was spread out around her like a reddish gold cloud. His silent tears soon gained momentum, and he leaned over her, his hand still tangled in her hair, crying bitterly.

"I can't do this again, Kathryn," he sobbed. "Please don't let me go through this again, please. Wake up and see your children, Kathryn." He tightened his grip on her hand, as if it would jolt her out of her slumber. He couldn't believe it; his heart really was breaking all over again.

He couldn't stop touching her; he couldn't break the connection. He hadn't seen her without a clear surface between them in five years. He certainly hadn't touched her,. But here he was, one hand in her hair and the other gripping her hand tightly. And yet she wasn't there, not really.

His stomach was hurting from his the wrenching sobs being ripped from him. "I'm begging you," he cried, to no one and perhaps everyone. "Please let her wake up. Please."

Chakotay rested his head next to hers, his body still shaking with his tears. He gazed at her through the haze, watching her face, wanting so badly to see the smallest of movement. He would have been satisfied with even a small twitch, but she remained still. He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close to him. It was times like these he wished he had kept going on vision quests, but he hadn't gone on one since Kathryn died. He hadn't had the heart to. Still, he could use some guidance right about now.

* * *

He didn't know how long he stayed there for. He didn't remember nodding off, either, but from the way his body jumped suddenly, he knew that he had. The Doctor must have dimmed the lights, because sickbay was dark. He was confused for a moment, wondering what woke him, when he heard it.

"Chakotay."

_TBC_

* * *

I can't remember who made the comment about TNG's cryo-people from the past episode, but I decided to address it here. Someone wondered how Chakotay would be surprised that putting Kathryn in stasis meant she could be revived, since it had been done for hundreds of years. I'm hoping this chapter clears that up a little. And whoever pointed that out to me, please refresh my memory so I can give credit where it's due!

This chapter is also for Singing Violin, who shared my love of making Chakotay cry  I promised her he would cry!

And the little updates on Harry and Samantha Wildman were mostly for Tayababy. She mentioned wanting to know some more back stories.

Anyone who has anything they want to see in this story, let me know. I usually add suggestions in.

And I have enabled my anonymous reviews. Thanks to DaBlackRose for bringing that to my attention.

The alien 'gift' referred to in this chapter is from the episode 'Tattoo'.


	13. Chapter 13

I've gotten 100 reviews! Thank you so much to everyone who is sticking with this story. I'm honored you're following along!

I had finals all week, and now I'm in Florida, so that's why it's taken me so long to update. That's also why it's so short.

* * *

Chakotay lifted his head slowly.

For the past five years, he had only seen that shade of blue in the eyes of his daughter. He had never expected to see it anywhere else, but there it was. Two blues eyes, staring at him, begging for answers. Two eyes he had never thought to see open again.

"Kathryn," he breathed. "Is this real?"

She frowned. "What?" she rasped. Then she started coughing.

He quickly poured her a glass of water form the pitcher the doctor had left for him. "Drink it slowly." He said, his mind still numb to what was happening.

He held her head up as she took a small sip. Then he put the cup to the side as she lay back down and gazed at her surroundings.

"Did I dream it?" she whispered. "Did we live on that planet?"

He swallowed as a tear trickled down his cheek. "Yes," he said softly. "Yes, we did. We lived there together for two years."

She winced. "Why does my throat hurt so much? Why am I in so much pain?"

"I don't know. You haven't used your voice for some…for some time." He was losing the battle, and more tears were falling to join the first one.

She weakly lifted her hand to touch his face. "Why are you crying?"

He finally caved and gathered her to him. "I'm just so happy." He sobbed into her neck. "I'm so happy."

She stroked his hair while he cried. He had never thought to feel these sensations again: the feel of her skin, the way her hand caressed his neck, the scent of her hair – even after five years! – still fragrant and intoxicating. _Everything_ about her was intoxicating at that moment. She was here, alive and breathing and touching him, and he couldn't believe it.

"If this is a dream, I never want to wake up," he murmured into her hair.

Her hand stilled. He heard her sharp intake of breath, and he lifted his tear streaked face to look at her. She was staring at the ceiling. "Kathryn?" he asked.

"This is sickbay." She whispered, her eyes darting back and forth as she took everything in.

"Yes, it is."

She turned to look at him. "The last thing I remember, we were on New Earth. We..." she gasped and struggled to sit up, but he held her down. "The babies! What happened to the babies?"

"Calm down! Kathryn, the babies are fine. Computer, activate EMH."

The Doctor shimmered into existence as the lights in sickbay came on full. He opened his mouth to say his standard greeting, but his mouth stayed open instead as he saw Kathryn still trying to get up past Chakotay's arm. "Captain!"

"Doctor!" Kathryn looked equally shocked. "I haven't seen you in years!"

The Doctor recovered quickly. He snatched a tricorder from a shelf as he went quickly over to the biobed. "Captain, please don't try to get up. Your body is very frail right now and frankly, I don't know what to expect from your condition."

"Condition? What condition?"

"Please, Captain. Let me examine you first, and then we'll talk about what has been going on."

Kathryn met Chakotay's eyes. "Chakotay, _what_ is going on? Where are my babies? How did we get here?"

Chakotay gripped her hand, tears still in his eyes. "Let the Doctor work first. Please, Kathryn."

She frowned but gave him a short nod. The Doctor rolled his eyes.

"Thank you for your cooperation, reluctant though it may be." The Doctor muttered.

"I see some things don't change." Kathryn snapped.

The Doctor closed the tricorder. "She's fine." He said to Chakotay in disbelief. "I can't believe it. I hesitate to say this, especially considering my vast medical expertise," He ignored Kathryn rolling her eyes. "But this almost seems like…well, like a miracle."

"What does?" Kathryn exploded, forcing her way into a sitting position past Chakotay's arm. "What the hell is going on?"

The Doctor and Chakotay exchanged a look. "Doctor, would you mind giving us a few minutes alone?"

The Doctor nodded sympathetically "Of course." He said softly.

Chakotay waited until the Doctor left, then he gently pressed on Kathryn's shoulders. "Please, lie back down. We have a lot to talk about."

She exhaled sharply, but did as he said. "What's going on?" she asked quietly, fear beginning to show in her eyes. "How did we get here? Are the babies really fine?"

Chakotay took a deep breath and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry if I don't tell you this properly, but you have to understand that this is a huge shock for me. I never expected to speak to you again. I thought you were dead."

Kathryn's eyes widened. "That's right…I remember now. The labor…It was so painful. I felt like I was being torn apart."

"You pretty much were." He said ruefully. "It was a complete disaster. The babies were absolutely fine, but you weren't."

"I thought I was going to die." She murmured. "I don't understand. What happened?"

Chakotay took a deep breath. "You did die, Kathryn. You died a long time ago."

_TBC_

Let me know what you think! Anything you want to see?


	14. Chapter 14

She stared at him. "What are you talking about? What the _hell_ are you talking about?"

He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I really don't know how to tell you this. I know that if someone told me this I would …I don't know what I would do but I know I would be completely insane over it. But I guess I should just tell you." He rested his hands on the biobed near her hips. "After the twins were born, you developed an infection. The Doctor thinks now that something about the planet exacerbated it. At the time, it was completely out of control. Nothing I did helped. I couldn't stop it, and I couldn't keep you alive. You died three days after the twins were born."

She stared at him. "Well…then explain what I'm doing here now."

Chakotay sighed. "Kathryn, I couldn't bury you. I didn't have the heart to. You were really and truly dead, but I couldn't accept it. And while you were dying, I couldn't accept that you were _going_ to die. I left for a little while when you were sleeping; when I knew that the chances of you living were too slim to have any hope. I set up the stasis chamber you woke up in when we first came to New Earth, and when you died, I placed you in there, to preserve your body. I couldn't bear the thought of putting you in the ground, for your body to be…" he blinked back a new onslaught of tears. "I needed to be able to see you. I needed for the children to have a tangible link to their mother."

Kathryn's face had grown pale. She stared up at him in disbelief. "I was really dead?" she whispered. "Heart stopped, everything?"

"Yes. When I placed you in the stasis unit, I knew you were dead, and I had no hope of you ever waking up again."

"Then how…"

"The Doctor thinks there was something in the atmosphere preserving your brain activity longer than usual. We knew there were unusual properties in the air to begin with, but I never dreamed…But, when they arrived here, as soon as he scanned you he had you transferred to see if they could resuscitate you. Your brain activity was as though you had never died, not really."

"I can't believe this." She stared at a point above his head. "This is insane."

"It is. There was a problem, though. They came back with a cure for us, but for some reason, once he got your heart started again, your body was rejecting the cure. You were in a coma. We didn't think you were going to make it. After all, it took Federation scientists years to come up with this cure. He couldn't make a new one in the few hours he had before you died again." Chakotay grinned. "But then he got the idea to make a vaccine with the blood form the children. Can you believe it? The children's blood saved your life."

Kathryn turned her head sharply to look into his eyes. "Children?" she whispered harshly. "Years to make a cure? How long was I _dead_? What year is it? How old are the twins?"

Chakotay's heart sank at the terrified look in her eyes. He gripped her hand. "Kathryn, the twins are five years old. You were in stasis for five years."

Her mouth dropped open. "Five years? _Five years?_"

"Yes. Voyager just contacted me a few days ago. They came back for us, Kathryn."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "Five years." She whispered. "My babies aren't even babies anymore."

"No, no they're not." He smoothed back her hair. "But they are beautiful children, who I know will make you proud."

She was staring at the ceiling again. "Tell me about them."

"Well, I named our son Edward." Her eyes lit up briefly. "He looks a lot like me, with dark hair and dark eyes. But he has your scientific nature, Kathryn. He always wants to know how things work, but he never asks me for help. He figures it out on his own. I can't tell you how many things he's taken apart and put back together in the last year or so. He's also very quiet. He didn't start talking until he was three, but I think that's mostly because his sister did all the talking for him."

"His sister." She squeaked out, closing her eyes as tears poured down her face.

"Yes." He wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I name her Kathryn." Kathryn's tears came faster at that. "She looks exactly like you. Her eyes match yours exactly. Her skin is a bit darker – I'd say they both have skin tones somewhere in between ours – and her hair is mostly dark brown with a hint of red in it, but her face is exactly yours. She's a fireball, Kathryn. She hasn't shut up for years," he chuckled. "And while Edward is content to figure things out on his own, Kathryn must ask me a million questions a day. 'What does this do, Daddy? Why is this like this, Daddy?' Sometimes she absolutely exhausts me, but I wouldn't have it any other way. And they're both so smart, Kathryn." His voice was choked now. "They're so smart. And they love to visit you. Kathryn always said that you were her princess in your glass coffin, like Snow White or Sleeping Beauty."

"You told them my fairy tales." She said softly.

"Of course." He sat down again and wrapped her hands in his. "Do you want to meet them, Kathryn?"

She was quiet for a moment. "Not just said." She said evenly. "I need time…time to adjust to this. I fell asleep with two newborn babies, Chakotay. I can't resolve the fact that they're two children now, right at this moment. I need to absorb this."

He was disappointed, but he didn't show it. "I understand. But I need to tell them that you're alive. They don't know about any of this. In the meantime…" he grinned. "Would you like to visit with your mother?"

Her mouth dropped open. "My mother's here?"

"Yes. She's an amazing woman, Kathryn. Despite her grief at your death, she was immediately took charge of Kathryn and Edward and has barely left their sides since. But I can go get her and she can come see you, if you'd like."

"Yes, I would like that. And then you can tell…the children. And ask that they let me have a little while before meeting them."

He knew the children would hate that, but he just nodded. "Would you like me to get Gretchen now?"

"Yes, please." She said. Then she smiled briefly. "I just…I need some time, Chakotay. This is a huge blow to me. I went to sleep five years ago, and everything was so different. I hope you can understand."

"Of course I do. This is a huge shock to you. I'll got get your mother, and then I think you should probably rest for a little while. And I'll need to comfort the kids. This is going to be a shock to them, too."

"Yes." She said neutrally. "I'll see you later, then?"

"Of course." He planted a kiss on her forehead, and she squeezed his hand. He turned to go, but she called his name. "Yes?" he asked with a smile.

She gave him that crooked little half smile he had always loved. "I'm wondering…If this is Voyager, then who's the Captain? And the First Officer?"

"Tuvok is the Captain." Then he grinned. "And Tom Paris is his First Officer."

Kathryn groaned. "I'm surprised the ship is in one piece."

* * *

He spoke to the Doctor briefly before he left, and they both agreed that Kathryn should take her time acclimating herself to this new life. The Doctor said that while Chakotay ran to get Gretchen, he was going to do additional tests to make sure everything really was going to be fine. But as Chakotay walked back to his quarters, he didn't feel reassured. Everything was _not_ fine. The Kathryn he knew would have wanted to move Heaven and Earth to see the children that had waited so long for. She had loved those babies. She had loved them as they moved around in her womb, turning somersaults and making her laugh with their kicking and punching. _"I'm surprised I don't have bruises all over my stomach," _she had laughed, _"The way they kick in there!" _But she hadn't cared. She loved feeling them grow, and all she had wanted was to hold them in her arms. Despite how uncomfortable she had been being pregnant with twins, and despite her grouchy moods, she had loved them, maybe more than she had loved him.

He leaned against a bulkhead, bringing his hand up to massage the bridge of his nose. His reunion with Kathryn hadn't gone the way he expected. He didn't feel the way he should have, and she hadn't acted the way he felt she would. She should have been demanding to see her children, no matter how old they were. For that matter, she should have been demanding to leave Sickbay, and to be able to make her way to the bridge and start giving orders again, no matter whose ship it was now. She had been surprisingly recalcitrant, and aside from asking who was in charge of Voyager now, she hadn't wanted any other information on the ship or the crew. And once he had finished telling her about the children, her emotions seemed to shut off, and she hadn't asked any more about them. Granted, she definitely needed rest, and time to adjust. Yes, he thought to himself. That was it. That was all she needed.

But still, he couldn't help but remember the look in her eyes as she asked for time. As she told him, more or less, that she didn't want to meet her children just yet. That look hadn't been Kathryn.

Had something happened? Had that part of her that was Kathryn died and not been able to come back, and this was just a shell of her?

Had he saved Kathryn's body, only to lose her soul?

_TBC_

Tell me what you think!


	15. Chapter 15

So I was finally able to write a longer chapter. It's been crazy, what with my AWSESOME trip to Miami, and graduating college on Monday (yay me!), I have barely had a moment to write. But here's a little something I hope will make you all hate me a little less for my constant torture of Chakotay. Also, I want to thank everyone for their support and their reviews. Over 150! I'm so happy about that!

* * *

"_I'm sorry, Kathryn. A lot has changed since you were sleeping." Her mother said sadly. "We gave you up for dead. I cleaned out your apartment, destroyed your birth certificate…Mark got married. I'm sorry, honey."_

_"That's okay, Mom." Kathryn said, puzzled. "I didn't expect you to wait all these years. And I don't mind about Mark. I'll always care about him, of course, but I have Chakotay now. And we have children."_

_"Oh, Kathryn." Her mother stared at her. "Chakotay gave the children to Mark and his wife. They adopted them."_

_Kathryn struggled to sit up. "Well, I'm here now. I want them back! Give me my babies!"_

_The door to sickbay opened, and a man and woman walked in. Kathryn stared at them. It was her and Chakotay, only younger. "Mrs. Janeway, what a pleasure to see you again."_

_Gretchen smiled warmly and left Kathryn's side, seeming to forget about her. "Kathryn, Edward! Lovely to see you. How are your parents?"_

_"They're well. Who is this woman?"_

_Gretchen waved her hand in dismissal. "Oh, that's just the woman who used to be my daughter. She gave birth to you, but you wouldn't know her. She's not important."_

_Young Kathryn set her piercing blue eyes on the older Kathryn. "She wasn't here to see us grow up. She is irrelevant to us."_

_Edward nodded. "Yes, irrelevant."_

_"But I was supposed to have babies!" Kathryn cried. "Where are they?"_

_"Oh, Kathryn." Gretchen laughed. "Those babies are gone. You slept through their lives. It's too late for you to be their mother."_

_"Where's Chakotay?" Kathryn struggled to get off the biobed, only to find she was in restraints. "I want Chakotay!"_

_"Chakotay found a new wife, darling. He moved on. We all did. Even Voyager moved on. You're not the captain anymore."_

_"No! I am the captain, I am! Voyager is my ship!" Kathryn screamed._

_The three adults standing around her laughed. "Oh, Kathryn. You're so useless now." Edward said._

_"Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!" She shrieked. "Chakotay, nooooo!!!!!"_

Kathryn gasped as she woke up. She lay in the biobed, staring at the ceiling, trying to catch her breath. She was relieved to see she was in the dim sickbay, not the hellish one of her nightmare.

She had been waking all night to horrible dreams. The Doctor said it was possible her dreams would be unsettling. Her mind was trying to process everything that had happened to her, but in her opinion, it wasn't doing a very good job of it.

Her eyes welled up with tears. She still couldn't believe what had happened. Five years was a long time. She hadn't even been on deep space missions that long. One moment she had been giving birth, and the next she was waking up in sickbay, Chakotay sleeping next to her. One moment she had newborn babies, the next she had two young children who had never met her.

Her mother had been upset with her, although she was trying to be supportive. She had come rushing in, wringing her hands like she did whenever she was nervous, and stopped short at the sight of her daughter sitting up, arguing with the Doctor.

"I don't see what another few hours are going to hurt, Captain." He said, exasperated.

"And I don't see what decompiling your program would hurt, either." She shot back. "Get me coffee, and get me coffee _now_."

"Oh, Kathryn!"

All thought of coffee fled her mind as her mother hurried over to her side. "Mom!"

Gretchen threw her arms around her daughter and the two women hugged tightly. "Oh, my darling girl. My first baby," her mother said, her voice choked with sobs.

Kathryn was no better. "Mommy," she whispered. "I missed you so much." Her breath hitched on her own sobs. Her resolve broke and she found herself weeping along with her mother.

The Doctor tactfully left them alone, and the two cried together for a time. Finally, they broke apart, and Gretchen found them some tissues. They were blowing their noses and laughing at what a mess they looked.

"I never thought I would see you again," Kathryn said, still a bit tearful.

Her mother sat on the stool next to the biobed and grasped her daughter's hand. "I was devastated when Voyager returned and I found out you weren't with them. It felt like such a cruel joke of fate. When we were finally able to come here, I wouldn't let myself hope you were alive. And when I found out you were…dead, well I was glad I hadn't hoped you weren't. The blow was crushing enough as it was. But hearing about the children helped me through my grief, and meeting them almost made it okay again. They are adorable, Kathryn. I can't wait for you to meet them."

Kathryn forced a smile. "Tell me about Phoebe." She said quickly. "How is she?"

Gretchen gave her an odd look. "Don't you want to hear about the twins?"

"Chakotay told me all about them. Tell me about home, Mom. I want to know everything I've missed."

Gretchen looked worried, but she told Kathryn about Earth. Her sister Phoebe had gotten married years ago, and had three children now. Mark indeed had married, and he and his wife had two boys. "And Aunt Martha is still going strong." Gretchen said warmly. "One hundred and six last month, and still leading her exercise classes at the gym. We should all be so lucky."

"I've missed a lot of birthdays." Kathryn said softly, forgetting for a moment her determination to act like everything was normal.

Her mother stroked her hair. "I know, sweetie. But look at it this way. Now you have an extra five years! And you'll be able to celebrate all your birthdays form now on with your husband and children."

Kathryn looked up sharply. "He's not my husband."

Her mother looked flustered and began to wring her hands again. "Well, of course not. You couldn't have gotten married here. But I just assumed…"

"We haven't discussed it. Really, Mother." She said, irritated. "I just woke up an hour ago. Give me a chance to breathe, why don't you?"

"Oh…I'm sorry, Kathryn, I-"

"I'd really like to take a nap now." Kathryn said abruptly. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Would you like me to send Chakotay back down?"

"No. Tell him to come tomorrow. I just want to go to bed."

Her mother looked even more worried, but she nodded and stood up. She kissed Kathryn on the forehead. "Well then, sleep well. I love you, Kathryn. I'm so glad you're back."

Kathryn softened. She couldn't imagine what her mother had gone through. Only, in a way, she could. They had both lost children to time and circumstances, and found ones they didn't know at all. "I love you, too, Mom. I'll see you tomorrow, all right?"

"Of course." Her mother smiled hesitantly one more time, then left sickbay.

Now Kathryn lay awake in the dark of Gamma shift, staring at the ceiling as silent tears rolled down her face.

* * *

It had been a long day. Chakotay lay on the couch during Gamma shift, listening to the sounds he had never thought to hear again, of a starship, of the barely perceptible sounds of the power running throughout it, silent to those who heard it every day but a cacophony to him. He was used to the chirping of the nighttime bugs in the summer and the wind pounding at the cabin in the winter. These sounds were unfamiliar to him after all these years.

And the smell. Or rather, the lack thereof. He was used to earthy smells, grass and wood and even dust. There was absolutely no smell here, just the sterile pale staleness of recycled air. It was hard to get used to.

He lay in his side staring out the viewport across the room. Voyager still hung in orbit over New Earth, and was scheduled to depart the day after tomorrow. Kathryn waking up had thrown off Tuvok's schedule a bit. But he couldn't see the planet through the port, just the inky blackness of space and the brilliant pinpoints of far off stars. He had never expected to touch the stars again, but now, it seemed, they were within his reach.

He sighed and turned again onto his back. Kathryn and Edward were asleep in his bed, and he was sprawled out on the too-small couch, but he didn't care. He wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway.

He had entered his quarters this afternoon still somewhat in shock. After five years, he had spoken to Kathryn again. Her reaction worried him, but once he thought about it, he decided he was wrong to expect anything different. As much as he was in shock, she must have been a hundred times worse. Five years, in the blink of an eye to her, literally. He couldn't even imagine.

He walked in and Gretchen was on the floor with the twins. They were cleaned up, and were happily putting together a puzzle with their grandmother. Gretchen and Chakotay stared at each other, and the twins finally noticed the silence and looked up.

"Chakotay?" Gretchen whispered.

"She's awake." He choked out. "She's awake, and she wants to see you."

A strangled cry escaped from Gretchen's mouth. She jumped up and crossed the room quickly to embrace Chakotay. They hugged tightly, and he held her while she cried into his shoulder. He glanced at the children, staring openmouthed from the floor. He smiled reassuringly at them.

"It's okay." He said. "Grandma's just happy."

Gretchen turned around and wiped her eyes, but managed a smile. "That's right, I'm very, very happy. Daddy will tell you why, but I have to go do something right now." She turned back to Chakotay. "How is she?" she said softly. "Really?"

"The Doctor said she's as healthy as can be, but…" he hesitated. "She doesn't want to see the children yet." He said in a low voice. "She said she needs time to take it all in."

Gretchen frowned. "That doesn't sound like Kathryn. Then again, she's had a huge shock. I'll go see her right now. Have you informed Tuvok yet?"

"The Doctor did. Tuvok will be making a shipwide announcement this evening."

"Well, that will be happy news for the crew." She went over to the children and placed a kiss on each of their cheeks. "Bye for now, dears. Grandma will be back in a bit." She threw one more happy smile at Chakotay and rushed out of his quarters.

The twins were staring in confusion at their father. "Daddy?" Kathryn said. "Is Grandma going crazy?"

He smiled. "No. Like I said, she's just very happy." He lowered himself to the floor to sit across from them. He debated how to tell them in a way they could understand, and he finally decided to just put it in the form of a fairy tale. They responded well to those.

"Do you remember the story of Sleeping Beauty? And Snow White?"

They nodded.

"Well, remember we said Mommy was like that? That she was a sleeping princess, but she wasn't going to wake up?"

They nodded again.

"Well….what would you think if Mommy _did_ wake up?"

Their eyes lit up instantly. "Is she awake?" Edward asked excitedly.

"Can we go see her?" Kathryn chimed in.

"She is awake. But you can't se her just yet. Mommy has been…asleep…for five years. That's your whole lives! She needs to time to adjust to it, okay? She's very confused right now and she needs a little time before you can see her."

Kathryn jumped up and stomped her foot. "I want to see Mommy _now! _Bring us there right now, Daddy!" she yelled.

"Kathryn, what did Daddy tell you about yelling at him? You won't get anything that way." Chakotay said firmly. "Stop acting like a spoiled brat and sit down so we can talk about this."

Kathryn pouted but sat back next to her brother again. "I don't see why we can't go play with Mommy." She muttered. "We never got to play with her before."

"Daddy, I thought you said Mommy was with the sky spirits." Edward said softly. "Did they let her go?"

"Yes. They decided she needed to be with her family."

"Did you kiss her, Daddy? Is that how she woke up, like in the story?" Kathryn said, practically bouncing on the floor.

"No." he smiled. "Actually, you both saved her. Do you remember how I told you why we had to stay on the planet?"

They nodded. "Yes, you said you and Mommy got bit by a bug and it made you sick so you couldn't leave." Kathryn said. "But that you gave me and Edward medicine so that we couldn't get sick."

"That's right. Well, the Doctor gave me medicine when we came onboard Voyager so I couldn't get sick, but when he tried to wake Mommy up, he found out she was still sick."

"Daddy, I thought you said Mommy died when we were born." Kathryn said. "I know you like to make it a fairy tale, but we know what dead means, Daddy. So how could the Doctor wake her up if she's dead? It wasn't the bug that made her dead, it was us."

Chakotay's mouth hung slightly open as he regarded his two small children, who apparently were a lot smarter than he gave them credit for. They knew how Kathryn had 'gone to sleep', and they knew she wasn't coming back, but he didn't realize how thoroughly they knew about death. He cleared his throat. "First of all, I've told you before. You didn't make Mommy dead, er, die. You didn't make her die. She died because she got sick, and no it wasn't from the bug, but it was from something else. It wasn't from you two, so please don't ever think that. You make Daddy sad when you think that." He took a breath. "The Doctor tried to make her better, but he couldn't. So he decided to try other things to make her better. He finally decided to use the blood he took from you two before. Remember that?"

They nodded.

"He used it to make medicine for Mommy, and it worked. So you see, you both woke Mommy up. Isn't that amazing?"

They grinned. "We saved Mommy!" Edward said.

"So can we go see her now?" Kathryn said.

He groaned. "Kathryn, I told you already, we need to let Mommy rest for a little bit, okay? Besides, think of it from Mommy's point of view. When she went to sleep, you were both little babies, younger even than Alixia's son. Now you're so grown up, and Mommy has to prepare herself for that."

She started to pout again, but then she frowned. "Daddy, didn't you say Mommy has the same name as me?"

"Yes, you were named for her."

"Well, now how are we gonna tell us apart?"

Chakotay laughed. "That's a very good question. We'll figure it out, don't worry."

"We could call me Katie. Or Kathy. No, I don't like Kathy. Ooo, call me Kat! No, call me…call me Ariel, like in The Little Mermaid! Oh, Daddy, can we call me Ariel? Please? Plleeasseee?????" Kathryn jumped up and threw herself onto Chakotay's lap. He exchanged a look with Edward, who was more than used to Kathryn's exuberance.

"Honey, Ariel isn't even close to Kathryn."

"Oh, please Daddy? I want to be called Ariel."

"We'll talk about it later."

"Daddy?" Edward said. "Are we going to see other kids like us now? Like Alexia's little boy?"

"When we get to Earth, you'll both probably start school. There will be a lot of kids there for you to play with." He hesitated. They had both adjusted remarkably well so far to being on Voyager, but he had to make sure they knew they weren't going back to the only home they had ever known. "You two know we're going to Earth, right?"

"Yeah, Grandma told us." Kathryn yawned and leaned her head against his chest. Edward scooted over and snuggled up to his father's side. Chakotay wrapped an arm around him. He was surprised they were sleepy already, considering they had just woke up from a nap.

"I need you both to understand something. We're leaving forever. Earth will be our new home now, and it's going to be very different. There will be people everywhere, and a lot of new things that you won't be used to. And we can't come back. I wouldn't say we'll never come back, but it definitely won't be for a long time. We're going to live on Earth."

"You told us already, Daddy." Kathryn said sleepily.

"Yeah, we know." Edward said, equally drowsy. "We don't care, as long as you and Mommy are there."

Now, Chakotay lay on the couch, his eyes on the ceiling as tears rolled down his cheeks. He had been upset when Gretchen came back and told him of her meeting with Kathryn. Luckily, the twins had been asleep again by then, and they hadn't seen either of their distress. He could only hope this was temporary. He hoped Kathryn would accept them. He was sure she would, but he knew Kathryn. She could get into funks that were difficult to pull her out of. He often wondered if her family had a genetic history of depression, because there were times where he thought he wasn't even talking to the same person. Her depressions were terrible. He only hoped she would get past it and welcome her children, as they wanted to welcome her. He was confident that as soon as she laid eyes on them, her heart would melt. After all, they had been enough to keep him sane when Kathryn died. They were special, his kids. Kathryn's kids. And he knew she would realize that, when she gave them that chance.

_TBC_

Like it? Hate it? Tell me, I wanna know!


	16. Chapter 16

He was woken up the next morning by a heavy weight on his chest. He slowly opened his eyes to see a pair of blue ones staring at him.

"Can we go see Mommy now?" his daughter whispered.

"No," Chakotay whispered back. "It's too early."

"How do you know?"

"Because Daddy's tired, so it's too early."

"You don't even know what time it is."

"And you do?"

"No. And I tried to get out but the door wouldn't let me."

"That's because I told it not to." He picked his head up enough to see the chronometer panel on the side table. He groaned. "Kathryn, it's not even 0500. Go back to sleep."

"What's 0500 mean?"

"It's how we tell time here. It means five in the morning."

"That's early."

"Yes, and I'm tired. I had a long day yesterday and I want to sleep. And you should to."

"Can I see Mommy if I go back to sleep?"

Chakotay's heart almost broke as he stared up into his little girl's earnest, hopeful face. "You have more of a chance of seeing Mommy if you go back to sleep than you do if you keep Daddy awake."

"Okay." Kathryn slid off the couch and padded back to the bedroom. Her long hair was a mess around her face and her pink nightgown was rumpled, but he thought she had to be the most adorable little girl he'd ever seen. At least he thought so until she turned around at the doorway and scrunched up her face at him. "By the way, Daddy, your breath is stinky." Then she disappeared into the room.

He rolled his eyes, rolled over, and fell back asleep.

He woke up a few hours later with the strange feeling he was being watched. He opened his eyes and this time, a pair of blue and a pair of brown were staring back at him. He groaned.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Daddy, the numbers say oh-nine-zero-zero now. Can we see Mommy?" Kathryn asked.

Chakotay rubbed his eyes wearily. He felt like he hadn't gotten any sleep at all. "I have to go see her first. Then I have to speak to Tuvok. After that, we'll see."

"What are we gonna do all day while you get to see Mommy?" Kathryn whined.

"You'll play with Grandma, or maybe Neelix will watch you. I don't know, Kathryn." He snapped. "You're not helping me with all of your whining."

While most little girls might have started crying at being scolded, his daughter just glared at him, her eyes like two little balls of blue fire. He knew that those who studied the philosophy of inherent traits and nature vs. nurture would have a field day with his daughter. She had never in her lifetime witnessed the death glare her mother had always used, and yet she could imitate it with uncanny accuracy.

"Well _you're_ not helping _us_." She spat back at him. "We never got to meet Mommy and you did. So how come you get to see her before us?"

His first thought was that his daughter was in need of serious discipline before they reached Earth. That kind of attitude would never be tolerated at a Federation school. His second thought was that she was right. They, above anyone else, had the right to see Kathryn.

"Well," he said, choosing his words carefully. "Mommy knows me. She's going through a tough time right now, so it's good for her to see a familiar face. But I do agree with you. I think you should get to see your mother. But like I told you yesterday, Mommy needs time to adjust. It's not like you'll never meet her," _I hope,_ he thought. "So please just have some patience. Just please, give me a break, okay?"

Kathryn pouted, but nodded her head. Edward crawled on top of him and sat on his chest, just as Kathryn had a few hours ago. "I want to meet her now." He said firmly.

"Edward-"

"Please, Daddy. I want to meet her now."

Heartbroken, Chakotay ran a hand through Edward's dark hair. "I promise, Buddy. You'll meet her. She's not going anywhere."

Edward looked worried. "Are you sure? Are you sure she won't die again?"

His mouth fell open a little bit. "Is that what you two are worried about? That she'll die again?"

They nodded.

He sighed. "I can't promise you that. People die. Everyone dies. But right now, Mommy is very healthy, and the Doctor says she's going to be just fine. So I think it will be a very long time before she dies. Hopefully, you'll both be very old when that happens."

"Will we die, too?" Edward said.

"I'd like to tell you that you won't but someday, unfortunately, you will. But I know you'll both have long, happy lives. I trust that your mother and I will raise you both so that you appreciate the time we're given to live, and you use it to the fullest. I suppose that's all any parent can hope for."

"And we'll grow to be big like you?"

"Yes. And I hope you both find something you love to do with your lives, and someone to share it with."

"Will I have a baby one day?" Edward asked.

Chakotay suppressed a grin. "Well, girls actually have the babies. So when you grow up and get married, the woman you marry – your wife – will have the baby. But it will be yours, the same way you're both mine."

"Is Mommy your wife?"

"You're so inquisitive today! No, Mommy isn't my wife. But I hope she will be."

"Will I die when I have a baby?" Kathryn asked.

"I certainly hope not." Chakotay said seriously. "What happened to your mother was rare. Very few women die having babies, and if they do, it's usually because they're out of reach of medical care. When you have a baby, I'm sure you'll be in the Federation and have the best doctors. But why are we talking about this? You're both only five; you have so many years ahead of you, more than you realize."

They shrugged. Inwardly, he sighed. He had never thought about things like this when he was five, but then, his twins had until now had such an unusual upbringing and such a tragic beginning that he supposed he shouldn't be surprised. They had been through more in their first five years than he had in his first fifteen.

"How long will we live?" Kathryn asked excitedly. "Will we be a hundred? Two hundred?"

He laughed. "I don't know, honey. No one knows for sure. Listen, why don't you two go get dressed? Your things are still in storage, but use the replicator. Just ask it for clothes. I've already entered your parameters."

"Our what?" Kathryn asked.

He laughed again. The twins were so smart; he sometimes forgot he was talking to two small children and not two adults. "Never mind. Just ask it to give you what you want to wear."

"Okay!" Kathryn jumped up and ran into the bedroom. Edward leaned down and hugged him before following her.

Still chuckling, Chakotay stood up and headed to the bathroom. Maybe things were tough right now, and maybe the situation with Kathryn was a complete shock, but the twins somehow always put him in a good mood. Whatever he didn't have, at least he had them.

* * *

He left Kathryn and Edward with Gretchen in her quarters before going to see their mother. "I'm really grateful you're here, Gretchen. It's so kind of you to watch them for me."

She gave him a funny look. "Well, they're my grandchildren. Even if you didn't need me to watch them, I would still steal them from you. You've had five years with them!"

"Well, in that case, you're welcome to them. Have fun." He winked, waved at the kids who had already begun to ignore them in favor of the toys Gretchen had replicated for them, and left for sickbay.

When he got there, Kathryn was sitting up in her biobed, her eyes practically glued to a PADD in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. She didn't look up as he approached, and she jumped in surprise when he said hello.

"Oh!" she blinked and dropped the PADD. "Hi."

He smiled softly, still somewhat in disbelief that after all these years, she was there alive in front of him. "Hi. What are you reading?"

"Some reports on the Dominion War. I had the Doctor ask Tuvok for them. I just wanted to know what we missed over there."

"It was a mess, wasn't it?"

She sighed. "Let's just say, maybe the Maquis had the right idea after all."

He grinned. "High praise. Did you sleep well?"

She smiled wryly. "No, not really. I wasn't really expecting to. The Doctor said my brain was going to pull wonky nonsense on me, and it did."

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't sleep well either. I woke up at five to your daughter sitting on me and staring at me. It was unnerving."

She smiled noncommittally and took a sip of her coffee, not meeting his eyes. He sighed.

"What's going on, Kathryn? Why are you so ambivalent about the children?"

"I'm not ambivalent about the children."

"You are." He insisted. "Your mother told me you didn't even want to hear about them."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh please, that's not true at all."

"Kathryn."

"Don't give me that tone, Chakotay." She said icily.

"Then what tone would you like me to give you?" he was almost shouting at her now, but he didn't care. "I've got two five year olds who won't leave me alone about you, and a shipload of people who are begging Tuvok to be allowed to see you, and you just want to sit here in isolation and wallow."

"Excuse me, but I woke up maybe twelve hours ago, and you expect me to act like everything is fine?" she shouted back at him. "It doesn't work like that! Have some goddamn compassion! Not everything is about you, or about the children who, by the way, I met for once for about five minutes five years ago. Forget them for a minute and think about me, why don't you? Think about what I'm going through!"

"Well maybe you should tell me what you're going through!"

"Well maybe that's my business!"

"Your business is my business, Kathryn. You're the mother of my children, of _our_ children. Why don't _you_ think about _that_?"

"What the hell do you think I've been thinking about?"

The Doctor came storming out of his office just then, glaring at the two offenders. "Excuse me, but what is going on here? Captain, I allowed you coffee out of the goodness of my heart, but I will not allow this kind of behavior in my sickbay. Commander, my patient cannot be excited like this. The last thing I need is for her blood pressure to climb like that. Please leave if you can't be in here without arguing."

Chakotay glared at Kathryn, who kept her icy expression. "Fine. I don't want to be here anyway." He turned to walk out of sickbay, then stopped and turned back around again. "You may not think this is important, but if this isn't a temporary problem with you, and for some reason you really are unable to accept Kathryn and Edward…I will take legal action when we get back to the Federation, and I'll make sure you never see them again."

Kathryn's expression didn't change. Furious, he turned and exited sickbay.

The Doctor eyed her curiously. "Captain, if you don't mind my asking, why wouldn't you want to see your children? I understand they're very anxious to see you."

She sighed and leaned back, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I don't suppose you could understand, Doctor. Not unless you had children of your own. I'm not even sure I understand it."

"I did have children of my own, actually."

She frowned and looked up at him. "How is that?"

"It was a suggestion of Kes'. She was always urging me to continue in my quest to become more human, to understand my patients better. I'm sure you remember."

Kathryn smiled softly, remembering the sweet Ocampan girl she had once known. "I do." Her smile faded. "I suppose Kes is dead by now."

"She is. But she led a full life. She had a daughter, you know."

"Did she?"

"Yes. But I'll tell you of her in a moment. You see, Kes thought it would be a good idea for me to know what it was like to have a family. So I made a holographic family of my own. The only problem was, I made them too perfect. B'Elanna told me I would never learn what it was like to really have a family unless I programmed in some…random elements. So she did it for me, and I learned the difficulties of having a family life…but I also learned the joy. Unfortunately, there was an accident…my daughter, Belle, died. It was…it was traumatizing." He said softly.

"I'm so sorry." Kathryn said.

"I decided I didn't want to use the program anymore, not if it was going to bring me that kind of pain. More than a year went by, and I was too preoccupied with the war anyway to think much about it. Then Kes went through the Elogium, and she had a baby. And suddenly, it was all I could think about. I finally decided that the pain of having a family was worth the joy. So I re-initiated the program. And when Dr. Zimmerman was able to create a mobile device for me, I also had him create some for them. I had B'Elanna reconfigure their programs so that they were aware of what they were, and we now live like any ordinary family. We have a house, and my wife Charlene is heavily involved with charitable organizations, and my son Jeffrey went to school at the local high school. He's working on his master's degree now. There was a lot of controversy over holographic rights about all this, but that's not the point right now. The point is, I lost my daughter. I'll never get her back. Sure, I could just re-initialize her program and make it as thought she never died, but that would be cheating, wouldn't it? After all, B'Elanna and Tom can't ever bring their son back, so why should I be any different?"

"B'Elanna and Tom?" She gasped. "Their son? What?"

"Oh. I guess no one has filled you in on what the senior staff went through during the war." He sighed. "B'Elanna and Tom got married, and she soon after became pregnant. San Francisco was attacked in the last days of the war, and B'Elanna went into premature labor during it. He son died shortly after his birth. Tom had been captured by the Cardassians at that point, and wasn't returned until months later. So you see, Captain, your life could be a lot worse."

Kathryn sat in shameful contemplation. B'Elanna and Tom, married…and grieving parents. How lucky she and Chakotay had been, that even so premature, the twins had survived and from all accounts, thrived. "Did she ever have another child?" she asked quietly.

"She did, a daughter. Now she's pregnant with another son. But I know that a million children will never replace the life they lost that day. B'Elanna told me once that when you hold a child inside of you for all those months, it is forever a part of you, and you of it, regardless of who lives and dies. You're a part of those children, Captain. I can vouch that I've never seen a little girl look so much like her mother before. Everything about her mimics you, from her appearance to her mannerisms, even the way she talks. And your son has a look about him that also reminds me of you. So no matter what, there will be two people in this world who will continue a part of Kathryn Janeway forever. Don't you want to be a part of that? Of watching them grow, of guiding them? I confess, I'm having a hard time understanding why you don't want to meet them."

"I don't know. Could something be wrong with me? A side effect from being in stasis for so long?"

He shrugged and opened a tricorder from a nearby table. He scanned her slowly. "No. There's nothing. No chemical imbalance, no brain abnormalities, nothing. Everything is completely normal. By all medical standards, you are a woman who just left stasis. More accurately, you're also a woman who just gave birth." He rubbed his chin. "I would say that you were suffering from post partum depression, if I hadn't already evened out your post-birth hormone levels. I suppose you just need to get used to the idea. I guarantee you'll adore them, though. They're quite charming."

She smiled a little. "I'm sure they are. But tell me, what were you going to say about Kes' daughter?"

"Ah, Alixia. Well, when Kes began to show signs of the Elogium, she immediately came to me about it. She was unsure about whether or not she wanted to have a child. Not because she didn't want one, but because after living all her time among beings with longer life spans than her, she wondered if it was fair to create a new life which would know her for only a handful of years. We weren't sure what the effects of Neelix's DNA would be. Would the child have a longer lifespan? A normal lifespan, by our standards? If so, Kes was sentencing her child to a life more or less without a mother. If not, she was sentencing her child to a short life among a galaxy of beings who would live for far longer. And she was sentencing Neelix to watch his progeny die before him, for many generations. It was a very difficult choice for her to make. Especially during war time. That didn't help her decision at all."

"So how did she decide?"

"She decided that any life was worth no life at all. And even if her child had to live a life without her, it would have its father, and a ship full of people who would love it in her stead. And Neelix, of course, was as supportive as ever. He told Kes that he didn't care how long she or the child lived. Every moment would be precious."

She smiled. "Trust Neelix to know what to say."

"He has his moments. He was, of course, devastated when Kes died last year. We all were. But he has his daughter, and his grandson, and whoever should come after. He'll never be lonely, and he'll always hold fond memories of Kes. It's not how long we have someone in our lives. It's the moments, isn't it?" He leveled his gaze on her. "And it shouldn't matter how much of your children's lives you missed. No, you'll never be able to get that back, and I understand if it makes you sad. But you have now. You have two children who will count on you. You _are_ a mother, Captain. Not acknowledging them won't change that. Your babies didn't die. They're alive and thriving, and they want to know their mother. You should think about that."

"I will." She nodded. "I'll think of everything you said. This…this funk I'm in, it's just temporary, I'm sure. It's just…it's just me re-acclimating. I don't know why I'm being like this, but I'm sure it will pass."

The Doctor patted her hand. "Well, I'm sure it will, especially since you realize it's the wrong attitude to have. Now, if you thought you were in the right behaving this way, then I'd be worried."

"Okay, Doctor. No need to patronize me." She said wryly.

"Sorry, Captain." He grinned. 'Now, get some rest. I'm sure Chakotay will be back soon, ranting and raving and trying to knock some sense into you."

"I'm sure. Thank you, Doctor."

"Of course, Captain. We all want you to get better. Will you want to see the crew today?"

"Not today. Please just give me a little more time."

He nodded reluctantly. "One more day. No more than that."

"Thank you." She watched as he went back into his office. She sighed and picked up the coffee she had set down when she and Chakotay started arguing. Taking a sip, she made a face. "Cold." She said bitterly. "Just like my damn heart."

* * *

Chakotay stormed down the corridor. "Damn stubborn obstinate woman," he muttered. Going into the turbolift, he nodded at an unknown ensign who was already in there. "Deck one." He spat out.

"I'm sorry…" the young woman said hesitantly. "But you're Commander Chakotay, aren't you?"

He nodded.

"It's an honor to meet you, sir. I'm Ensign Hansen. I work in Astrometrics."

He frowned. "Voyager doesn't have an Astrometrics lab."

"Voyager was upgraded with one several years ago."

"Ah." He took her in, and suddenly noticed that there was a small metal implant on the side of her face. "I don't mean to be rude, but can I ask what that implant is for?"

She touched the side of her face. "Oh, that's one of the implants Starfleet Medical was unable to remove. I'm a former Borg drone. During the Unimatrix Zero movement a few years ago, I was liberated from the Collective and brought back to Federation space. I underwent intense behavioral modification and physical reconstruction, along with several thousand other Federation citizens who were freed. Unfortunately, I was assimilated as a child, so many of my human biological systems are dependent on Borg regulation implants. That's what this is."

"I'm sorry, I must have missed something. Unimatrix Zero?"

"Yes. It would take too much time to explain, but suffice it to say, the Borg Collective suffered a huge blow when thousands of drones fought against the collective and left. I was one of the lucky ones."

He nodded. "Well, that's certainly something interesting I'll have to read up on. It seems I missed out on quite a bit of Federation history. Thank you, Ensign Hansen."

She smiled coyly. "You may call me Annika, Commander."

He nodded again, uncomfortable now. What the hell was taking the turbolift so long?

"You know, if you'd like to get a drink later, I could tell you more about Unimatrix Zero." She said.

"Thank you, but that won't be necessary. I'll be with Captain Janeway later."

"Oh…of course." She said, flustered.

The turbolift came to her deck, and she exited quickly. He sighed with relief. As beautiful as the woman had been, he definitely only had eyes for Kathryn.

And he certainly didn't want to date a former Borg drone, no matter how 'liberated' she was.

He exited the turbolift at the bridge, and nodded at all those who greeted him. "Tuvok, you wanted to see me today?"

Tuvok looked up from a PADD and nodded. "Yes, of course, Commander. Shall we adjourn to the ready room?"

"Yes." He followed Tuvok into the ready room, and accepted the seat he was offered at the desk. "What can I help you with today?"

"I am wondering about the Captain's progress. How is she feeling?"

"Physically, she's fine. Haven't you been to see her?"

"The Doctor asked that only you and her mother be allowed to see her until he feels her mental state is more stable."

Chakotay snorted. "Well, then you'll be waiting a while, Tuvok. Kathryn is less stable than I've ever seen her. She's hostile to me, she won't see the children. I'm at a loss here of what to do. How do I tell them their mother won't see them?"

Tuvok leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. "It is in my experience with Captain Janeway that whenever something happens to cause her emotional distress, she turns into herself. That is especially true when she feels guilt."

"Guilt?" Chakotay asked, surprised. "What would she have to feel guilty about?"

"The fact that she was not here to see her children grow might make her feel guilty."

"That's ridiculous. That was through no fault of her own."

"I have learned that human emotions are hardly logical. It may seem 'ridiculous' for her to feel that way to you, but to her, those feeling may be very real and very detrimental. In time, I am sure she will put them aside and welcome her children. She is not the kind of woman to reject her own."

"I hope not." Chakotay sighed. "I would hate to have to-"

_"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."_

Frowning, Chakotay answered. ""Yes, Doctor?"

_"Please come to sickbay immediately. There is a medical emergency concerning your daughter."_

Chakotay vaulted out of his chair and flew out the door.


	17. Chapter 17

This chapter came about thanks to a suggestion from stampensue. Thanks so much!

And to dear Singing Violin for her constant encouragement and comments...thank you!

To everyone else...I have 167 reviews and I thank you wholeheartedly for that!

* * *

Kathryn bolted up from her biobed as a group of people hurried into sickbay. The Doctor came running out of his office, and Kathryn could see her mother and Ensign Kim – no, he wouldn't still be an ensign – hovering around a small form. Two additional crewmembers that she didn't recognize were there as well. The Doctor ushered them over to a biobed close to the door and he tapped his combadge.

"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."

_"Yes, Doctor?"_

"Please come to sickbay immediately. There is a medical emergency concerning your daughter."

Kathryn's mouth dropped open. His daughter? Her eyes flew to the small form on the biobed that the Doctor was scanning. Hesitantly, she slid off the biobed and made her way over.

"What happened?" the Doctor was asking her mother.

Gretchen's face was blotchy and her eyes red. "She was just playing." She said, her words hitching on her sobs. "She was just playing and she hit her head. She wouldn't wake up!"

"I was there." Harry said. "Tom and I went to go see the kids. She and her brother were running around and she tripped. She hit her head on the corner of a table."

The Doctor grimly looked over his tricorder readings. "Unfortunately she may have hit her head in exactly the right place to cause the most damage. There's internal bleeding. I have to try to stop it or I may have to perform surgery."

"What?" Gretchen gave a strangled cry.

"Lieutenant Staller, Ensign Rich, please take Mrs. Janeway back to her quarters. Please, Mrs. Janeway, I need you to go and wait for me to get in touch with you."

Gretchen began to protest but the young lieutenant and ensign quickly escorted her out. Harry still hovered over the small girl as Kathryn approached.

"Commander Kim, please get me a cortical stimulator. Then locate my medical staff and get them down here _now!_"

Harry ran off to do as he was told and Kathryn heard him mutter "Always taking their breaks at the wrong times", but she wasn't paying much attention. She was staring at the little girl on the biobed, a little girl who but for her dark hair could have been herself at that age. "Oh, my God." She breathed.

The Doctor looked up. "What are you doing out of bed?" he asked sharply.

"Is that her? Is that Kathryn?"

"Yes, it is. And if you don't go lay back down and let me do my work, she's going to end up the way you were yesterday. Please, go and let me do my job."

"I won't bother you." She said softly. The Doctor rolled his eyes and continued his work. Shortly after, three of the crew who she knew worked in sickbay came rushing in, and Chakotay followed.

"What the hell happened?" He yelled. His face grew pale as he saw his daughter lying still in the biobed. "Doctor?" he whispered.

The Doctor glanced up. "Take Captain Janeway and go wait somewhere. I can't have any distractions. Please, I don't want either of you in here."

Harry came over to Chakotay and tugged on is arm. "Come on, Commander. I'll explain to you outside." He glanced over and saw Kathryn staring at her daughter. He looked surprised, mostly because he hadn't seen her until now. But Harry was nothing if not a model officer, so he found a robe for Kathryn, helped her put it on, and escorted his former commanding officers out of sickbay.

"Harry, what happened?" Chakotay asked, his voice strained and his eyes filled with tears. "Why is she unconscious?"

"It was an accident. She hit her head on a table while she was playing with Edward. The Doctor said there's internal bleeding."

Chakotay stared at Harry in horror. "From hitting her _head_?"

"Evidently, she hit just the right spot. It's been known to happen." He glanced at Kathryn. "Are you okay, Captain?"

She stared at him, then promptly burst into tears.

Chakotay rushed over to her and gathered her into his arms, where she clung to him and cried. "She's so beautiful," she wept. "She's so much more beautiful than I had pictured her."

"That's because she looks like her mother." He whispered in her ear. He looked at Harry. "Harry, why don't you go stay with Gretchen and Edward? I'll contact you when I know anything."

"Of course, Commander." He turned and left, practically fleeing from the sight of his former captain crying.

Chakotay held her as she sobbed, and it wasn't long before he joined in. The toll of the last day or two was finally crashing down on her, and the toll of the last five years was doing the same to him. He briefly hoped that no one would come down the hall and see them, but that thought was abandoned as she clutched his shirt tighter and began to slide to the floor. He pulled them both down to sit against the wall, and they sat like that for quite a while, crying over what they had lost and what they might lose still.

Finally, their sobs subsided and she leaned back against him. She sniffled. "I can't believe it. I just can't believe that's my little girl. Oh, God, Chakotay, if something happens and she had never met me because I'm a selfish, idiotic ass-"

"Shh." He said softly. "You're none of those things. You were just confused. I'm sorry for yelling at you before, Kathryn. I should have realized what this must be like for you."

"Well, I'm sorry for yelling at you, and I should have felt the same way. I should have taken my children into account." She was quiet for a moment. "It's just that it seems like it was yesterday that they were turning somersaults inside me, and now they're too big to even be carried. It hurts so much."

"I know. I know. And I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

"It's not your fault." She gripped his hand tightly. "Don't ever say that again. You couldn't have done anything any differently." She buried her head in his chest. "Oh God, if something happens to her…"

"She'll be fine." He whispered, more to convince himself than her. "She has to be."

They sat in the hallway for an hour. Kathryn finally drifted off to sleep, and he held her head in his lap, stroking her long hair and watching the door to sickbay as silent tears ran down his face. Why did he always have to lose someone, in order to gain someone? He had lost his lover for his children, and now he was losing his child for her mother. It just wasn't fair, and he didn't know how much more he could take.

Finally, the sickbay doors opened, and the Doctor emerged to find them on the floor. "I thought I would find you here." He said wearily.

"How is she?" Chakotay asked timidly, bracing himself for the worst.

"She'll be fine. I was able to get the bleeding under control. But she'll have to stay here for a few days." He glanced at Kathryn lying on the floor. "She can keep her mother company."

"Can we see her? Is she awake?"

"She's not awake yet, but you can come in and sit with her." The Doctor turned back into sickbay, and Chakotay nudged Kathryn's cheek.

"Kathryn?"

Her eyes flew open and she sat up. "What? Is she okay?"

He grinned. "She's fine. The Doctor said she's still asleep, but we can go in there and sit with her."

Kathryn got to her feet. "Well, let's go, then."

They entered sickbay and found two chairs waiting for them next to their daughter's biobed. They sat there, and Kathryn tentatively reached out and took the little girls hand. "She's got such little hands." She said with a smile.

"Well, she _is_ five."

Kathryn gazed at her daughter, committing everything to memory. "Look at her. Her little face and her long hair…she's so beautiful I just can't get over it."

"Wait until you see Edward."

"Oh! Can Mom bring him here now?"

"We should wait until Kathryn's awake. It might scare him. They're very close."

"Yes, I can imagine they would be." She leaned down to whisper in her daughter's ear. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here all these years. I'm going to make it up to you; I'm going to be the best mother ever, and I'm going to love you so much you're going to get tired of me."

_Guilt,_ Chakotay thought. _Tuvok was right._

They sat there at Kathryn's side for another twenty minutes. Finally, she began to stir, and Kathryn began to look nervous. He patted her thigh. "Don't worry." He said soothingly. "She's going to be so happy to see you."

The little girl slowly opened her eyes. "Daddy?" she said drowsily.

"I'm right here, honey."

She turned her head to look at her father, but her eyes fell on Kathryn. They widened, and her mother gasped at how blue they were. "Mommy? Is that Mommy?"

She could swear she felt her heart break. She had never been called Mommy before. Tears began to run down her face and she clasped her daughter's hand. "Yes, honey, I'm Mommy. And I'm so happy to see you."

Her daughter smiled and closed her eyes again. "I'm happy to see you, too." She mumbled. "Daddy, it looks like we're gonna hafta start calling me Ariel, right?"

Chakotay laughed. "We'll talk about it later. Get some rest. Mommy and I are right here."

And little Kathryn fell asleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Kathryn slept for another hour. In that time, the Doctor checked her over again, and pronounced her good as new. Chakotay contacted Gretchen and told her she could bring Edward, who was completely overwrought about his sister, down to Sickbay whenever she wanted. Kathryn sat next to her daughter, never letting go of her hand, smoothing back her dark hair and whispering in her ear.

The little girl was still asleep when Gretchen and Edward arrived, but her color was good and Chakotay knew she wouldn't be asleep for much longer anyway. Edward came bounding into sickbay, rushing over to his sister and paying no notice to the woman holding her hand.

"She's going to be okay, right Daddy?" Edward asked anxiously, his eyes on his sister.

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn, who had gone pale again at the sight of her young son. "She'll be fine buddy, she's just resting. But there's someone I want you to meet."

"Who?" Edward lifted his eyes, and they widened as he caught sight of his mother. "Mommy?" he gasped.

Kathryn nodded tearfully. Edward, usually never a very exuberant or overly affectionate child, ran around the biobed and launched himself at her. She barely had time to lift her arms up to catch him before he was on top of her, wrapping his small little arms around her neck and burying his little head in her hair.

"Oh, Mommy, we missed you so much." His muffled words came, and Kathryn and Chakotay held each other's gazes, both tear filled. Kathryn rubbed his back and tried to control her tears.

"I missed you, too, sweetie. I'm so terribly sorry I wasn't here." She whispered, her voice choked. "But I'm here now, and I don't want to go anywhere ever again."

She held her son for a few moments more, then pulled him away to look at him. He kneeled on her lap, and his intent dark eyes- his father's eyes – stared into her blue ones. They examined each other. He had never seen her without the barrier of the stasis chamber between them, and she had never really seen him save for a few fever filled days when he was just brought into the world. She found herself in awe of him, of this small boy who was a miniature of his father. His skin was a few shades darker ad his thick dark hair held the faintest glimmer of auburn, but he was a small Chakotay, that much was for sure.

Kathryn couldn't believe how much these children resembled them. The small girl sleeping on the bio bed was the very image of herself, only with dark hair. She smiled tremulously and looked to Chakotay and her mother, who were standing a few feet away. "Are you sure we didn't clone them?'

Edward made a face. "That's what everyone's been saying since we got here. What's it mean?'

The adults laughed. "Well darling, it really means that everyone thinks you look so much like your father and your sister…your sister looks so much like me." Kathryn said softly.

"Daddy always said that to Kathryn. He always said she looked just like you. But I don't see it."

She smiled. "Well, maybe it's because I'm all grown up. Maybe when you and Kathryn grow up, you'll be able to tell how much you look like us. When we get back to Earth, I'll show you pictures of me when I was your age. Kathryn looks very much like that."

"When will we get to Earth?"

Kathryn looked to Chakotay. He grinned. "We're leaving the day after tomorrow. It shouldn't take very long to get back, but you'd have to ask Tuvok for an exact time."

"Can we see the house again before we leave?" Edward asked.

Kathryn's eyes lit up. "Oh, that would be wonderful, Chakotay! I would love to see the house again." She ruffled her son's hair. "Your daddy built that house, you know."

"Your mommy helped." Chakotay added.

Gretchen came over to them and touched Kathryn's cheek. "I'm proud of you, Kathryn." She said softly.

Kathryn looked over to her daughter. "You shouldn't be. I was being ridiculous."

"No. You were frightened, as anyone in your position would be. But when your child needed you, you were there. That's what being a mother is, darling. Whether you were there for five years or not doesn't necessarily factor into that. It's what you do with the time you have with them that counts. Was your father any less your father just because he wasn't around a lot?"

Kathryn gazed at her son again, her father's namesake. "No," she said quietly. "He was a father in the ways that counted."

"And you are a mother in the ways that count."

"Hi, Grandma."

They all turned to see little Kathryn staring at them, grinning. Chakotay came over, and Kathryn stood up and held Edward on her hip.

"Hello, imp. Are you feeling better? You had quite to bump on the head."

"I know. The Doctor told me. But I feel fine. Grandma, did you see Mommy?"

Gretchen grinned. "I did. Isn't it exciting?"

"Yep. Mommy can play with us all the time now." Little Kathryn smiled brightly up at her mother, who had to hold back another flood of tears.

"Kathryn, I was worried about you." Edward pouted. "You got hurt."

"I'm okay now. But thanks." She looked at her father. "Daddy, did you tell them about my name?"

Chakotay groaned. "Kathryn, we are not calling you Ariel."

"Daddy…" she started to whine, but quickly closed her mouth with a look from him.

"Why do you want to be called Ariel?" Kathryn asked.

"It's my favorite story. You know, Mommy. Daddy said you wanted us to know the stories. It's The Little Mermaid."

Kathryn smiled at Chakotay. "You told them the fairy tales?"

"Of course. It was what you wanted. You spent hours entering in those stories." He wouldn't say it now, not with everyone around, but he knew that when he and Kathryn had a moment alone, he would tell her about the last five years, about how heartbroken he had been. He would tell her how the fairy tales had made him feel like a part of her was still with them, still with the children.

"But Kathryn, don't you like your name?" she asked her daughter.

"Well, of course, Mommy. It's the same name as you. But won't we all get confused now? I think I should be called Ariel." Kathryn said matter of factly.

"Well, Ariel is a lovely name, but I really think you look like a Kathryn."

Her daughter rolled her eyes. "Well of _course_ I look like a Kathryn. I look like you, and it's your name. But we'll get confused. Daddy will say Kathryn and we'll both say 'what?'"

Kathryn had to fight back her laughter. This child…she truly was a breath of fresh air. She might look like her, but little Kathryn had a spirit all her own, a kind of spirit that she herself hadn't possessed as a child. If anything, her daughter reminded her of her sister, Phoebe.

"Well, perhaps we could call you Katie." Kathryn mused. "You do look a bit like a Katie."

"_See_, Daddy?" she glared at her father. "I told him Katie was okay too, but Daddy doesn't listen to me.

"Would that be all right, Chakotay?" she asked him, worrying that perhaps she was meddling too much too soon. After all, he had raised these children. It was up to him what he wanted their daughter to be called.

But he just looked at her in surprise. "I don't think it matters who it's okay with. It's what she wants, and what she wants, she tends to get." He said exasperatedly. "She's in for a rude awakening when we get home and she learns that the universe doesn't obey her every command."

"That's what you think." His daughter said primly. He rolled his eyes.

Gretchen laughed. "Well, then Katie it is. We used to call your mom Katie when she was little."

"Really?"

"Mm-hmm. Or rather, my mother and I called her that. She let us, until she was about seven or eight. Then she decided she was too grown up for it, and should be called by her grown up name, Kathryn. And she was always Kathryn after that, except to my mother, who was a stubborn woman and refused to call her anything but Katie."

"And Aunt Martha." Kathryn said wryly.

"That's right. My mother and my husband's aunt, Martha, loved to tease Kathryn and call her Katie. Of course, my husband never called her Katie, and he rarely called her Kathryn. He usually called her Goldenbird."

The little girl's eyes lit up. "Goldenbird? Why?"

"Oh, she was his little pet." Gretchen gazed fondly at her daughter. "When she started to walk and talk, he thought she was such a bright little girl, so smart, and she was always fluttering around, so he called her Goldenbird. She had very light hair then, too, more blonde than red, so it fit her quite well."

"Until the red stayed." Kathryn said. "I had terrible red hair until I was a teenager."

"Oh, you had beautiful hair." Gretchen said. "She's been complaining about it since she was a little girl." She told Chakotay.

"I want to be a bird!"

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "I'm beginning to think you're more of a hurricane than a bird."

"What's that mean?"

The adults laughed, but Katie pouted. "I mean it! I wanna be a goldenbird!"

"You look more like a raven than a goldenbird, sweetie." Chakotay said.

Katie pouted. "Fine. Just call me Katie and I'll be happy."

"I think we can all manage to do that for you." Kathryn leaned down and placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead. She looked into her eyes. "I'm very happy that you're okay." She whispered.

"I'm happy you're okay, too." Her daughter whispered back.

Edward wriggled on his mother's hip. "Mommy, I wanna get down. I wanna go play."

Kathryn set Edward on the floor, and he ran off to the Doctor's office, where the Doctor was in the middle of entering his report on Katie. Kathryn gave Chakotay a puzzled look.

"He likes the Doctor." Chakotay explained.

She laughed. "Well, I suppose his demeanor has improved in seven years."

Gretchen placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Listen, why don't I stay here with Kath-, oh I beg your pardon, Katie, and Edward. You two can go talk. I'm sure you have a lot to talk about."

Chakotay's eyes met Kathryn's, and he nodded. "You're right. We do."

The Doctor cleared her to leave sickbay for a few hours, and they took a sight-to-sight transport to his quarters. Not much of the crew had seen her awake, and they didn't want to have to field jubilant reunions, not just yet. They sat on the couch and he took her hand.

"Kathryn-" he started to say, but she beat him to it.

"I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore." She blurted out.

He stared at her in confusion. "What?"

"I mean, I wouldn't want to be with me either. Not after what I did. There's no excuse for rejecting your own children, and if you want to take them to live with you, I won't contest it. I just ask that you let me see them every now and then. I think they should really have a mother figure, and I know I haven't been much of a mother so far," Kathryn babbled. "But I do want to see them as much as possible. I know you might think that I may not be a healthy influence for them, but I'll get counseling, I promise. Just please let me see them. I'm begging you here, Chakotay." She pleaded. "Just let me see them every now and then."

He stared at her in disbelief. "Why wouldn't I let you see them?" he asked slowly. "You're their mother. And why would I take them to live without you? You'll be living with us, Kathryn."

Her shoulders sagged in relief. "I will?"

"Well, it would seem kind of odd if I didn't live with my wife, don't you think?"

Now she stared at him. "Your wife?" she gasped.

He cupped her cheek. "I don't think you understand what it was like, living all these years without you. I was lucky I had the kids to keep me busy, otherwise I would have gone insane from the loneliness…and from my broken heart. I was devastated. I never properly got over your death. I mean, how many men do you know who put their lovers in a stasis tube because they can't bear to see them be buried in the ground? I wouldn't exactly say that's normal, although I'm infinitely relieved at the final result. But those days and years alone, without you in my arms, were too difficult. When they came to get us, I was prepared to go back to Earth and settle near your family, and spend my life taking care of the kids and maybe teaching, but I knew I wasn't ever going to have what we had again. This is it, Kathryn. This is it for both of us, and you know it. I don't know if it was fate or destiny or whatever, but our paths crossed for a reason. Our destinies are joined, and I am _not_ letting you get away again. I want us to be a family, I want you to be my wife. Come on, Kathryn. You know this is what I've wanted practically since the day we first got left here. And you've finally given me everything I wanted…everything except that. I hope you'll say yes."

She touched his hand that was on her face. "Can you think of any other answer? We've loved each other for years…maybe even since the first year. We belong together. I mean, seriously." She smiled. "I know it's the twenty-fourth century and all, but we have two children together, and that alone makes us candidates for a big, obnoxious wedding in Gretchen Janeway's book."

"I'm up for it if you are. I don't know where my sister would be after all this time, but I'm sure if I was able to get in touch with her, she'd love to come. And I have a cousin in Ohio, he'd make it, I'll bet. I was never able to find out conclusively if my mother was alive or not, but my cousin would know for sure by now, and he'd know where my sister is. I had several good friends in Starfleet who-"

"Whoa. We're getting ahead of ourselves here, aren't we? I don't really care for a huge wedding. My mother was able to give my sister one, so I'm really not too concerned about it. Hell, I'd get married on Voyager."

A slow grin spread across Chakotay's face. "I have a better idea."

_TBC_

Tell me what you think! Isn't it nice I'm not torturing them for the moment:)


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry it took so long to update! This is kind of a filler chapter, just a little something I felt the need to write. The next chapter won't be long in coming, I promise!

* * *

The bridge had been quiet for several hours. Tuvok and Tom were having a quiet conversation as they sat in the command chairs, and B'Elanna was studying something at the engineering console. Harry, the chief of security now for several years, was at his console, doing a few routine scans. Lt. Commander Baytart (the pilot) and Lt. Commander Rollins (the ops officer) were at the helm, discussing the flight plan for the trip home with the occasional comment from B'Elanna concerning the transwarp drive. Jenny and Megan Delaney were at the astrometrics console, inputting new data from the last time Voyager was in this system, and having a quiet debate over it. Samantha Wildman and the Doctor, who had left his young patient temporarily in the capable hands of his medical staff, were at one of the life science consoles, entering in everything they had collectively learned about the pathogen-carrying insects which had stranded their command team here in the first place. Neelix entered the bridge and sat on the bench seat to speak with Tuvok and Tom. Harry couldn't hear what they were saying, but he suspected it was yet another conversation about Captain Janeway.

Captain Janeway, he mused. Somehow, even though she was no longer the captain of this vessel – or any other – she was always going to be the Captain. But she hadn't looked like the captain when he saw her earlier. She had looked like a distraught mother, and she had looked frail and hysterical and…human. Like a woman. He had never thought of the captain as a woman before, although he was well aware she was one, of course. But today, he had seen the feminine side of her. Her hair was down, disheveled, and the sickbay gown she wore did nothing to hide her figure. He knew that technically, her body had just recently given birth, and he could tell by the lush curves that he had never noticed before on the captain who commanded his first mission.

He shook his head ruefully to shake himself out of this line of thought. It had been so long since he'd seen his wife that every woman was looking good to him now, not that he'd ever, ever act on that. He was a one woman man. But still, he couldn't wait to see Libby again. And the boys. And, in a few months, his little girl.

Harry sometimes couldn't believe how far he had come from that green, idealistic ensign he had been all those years ago. Now he was a husband, and a father, and a high ranking officer on what was still one of the most advanced ships in the fleet. Sometimes he remembered that scene between him and Tuvok, when they had only just left the Captain and Commander, and they had detected a Vidiian convoy. He had been insubordinate, insistent, and disrespectful to Tuvok. He never regretted it, because he firmly believed that they needed to take any chance and any risk to get Janeway and Chakotay back, but still, he couldn't quite believe how forcefully he had acted. He had gone behind the acting captain's back, and questioned his orders. He knew that if any lower ranking officer were to do that to him today, he would give him the dressing down he deserved. And Harry knew he himself had deserved it seven years ago. But still, nothing was too much as far as that young man had been concerned for the woman who took him onto her staff and gave a green ensign, fresh out of the Academy, a chance. And now, he was just glad they had been able to bring them home. They deserved better than to live out their days away from their families and friends, and their children deserved a full life where they could be anything they could possibly want to be.

He thought of Captain Janeway and Chakotay, and their children. He couldn't imagine raising the boys alone if anything happened to Libby; more than likely he'd be so distraught, he'd leave them with his parents for a few weeks. He knew Chakotay hadn't had a choice, but he still admired him for what a great job he'd done with the kids. The whole ship was talking about the twins. Anyone who had met them so far was charmed by them, especially that miniature Captain Janeway.

But when little Kathryn got hurt today, and he had seen the captain for the first time in seven years, he had seen a side of her he had rarely, if ever, seen while under her command: her vulnerability. That was what had changed the most about her, what made him think of her more as a person and less as the captain. Those tears, and that look of fear and horror in her eyes. It was utterly human.

The day had started normal enough, he supposed. Well, as normal as it could be for a crew waiting for their former captain, who had just been released from a 5 year nap, to snap out of it and greet them once again. But then, as she had told him long ago, they were Starfleet officers, and weird was part of the job. And was it ever, Harry thought. But it had been quiet all morning when Tom suddenly suggested checking on the captain's mother and children. Technically, Gretchen Janeway, as the widow of a high ranking admiral, was a diplomatic guest, and it was appropriate for the command staff to extend the highest courtesy to her and make sure she was happy at all times. However, since they retrieved the captain and everything had happened with that, they had been remiss in their duty towards her mother. Also, Harry suspected Tuvok was avoiding her like the plague. She was very little like her daughter, and much more like another Starfleet mother Harry had once met, Deanna Troi's mother, Lwuxana. Tuvok hadn't much cared for her, either.

So when Tom suggested he and Harry go check up on her, Tuvok immediately agreed. Tom joked when they were in the turbolfift that Tuvok was just glad to be saved the trouble of it himself, as Gretchen Janeway had taken to patting him on the head and telling him what a precious man he was. It made Tuvok rather uncomfortable.

"Besides," Tom added, as the doors opened and they stepped out onto the deck. "I'll take any excuse to see those kids. They're a real riot, especially that little Kathryn."

So they visited with Gretchen and the kids in her quarters. She greeted them warmly, asking them to sit down and have a drink or a snack. The little girl came bouncing out of the bedroom and onto Tom's lap while her brother came out a bit more quieter, and crawled onto Harry's. He felt his heart tug for these kids. The little boy, especially, reminded him so much of his oldest son.

"Where's Chakotay?" Tom asked.

"Oh, he's gone to sickbay." Gretchen glanced at the children and gave Kathryn a look as the little girl made a face. "Get that look off your face right now, Kathryn Janeway."

Little Kathryn crossed her arms and leaned back against Tom, pouting. "It's not fair."

"What's not fair?" Harry asked.

"Daddy's the only one who gets to see Mommy and it's not fair. I wanna see her! And so does Edward."

"They haven't seen her yet?" Tom asked, puzzled.

"Kids, why don't you go turn on that lovely Flotter adventure Daddy had on for your before."

Kathryn rolled her eyes and slid off Tom's lap. "Come on, Edward. They wanna speak grown up talk."

Gretchen waited until the two were in the bedroom before sighing and sitting down with Tom and Harry. "They haven't met her yet. She's having a hard time adjusting to all this. I mean, I'm not really surprised. She's only been awake for a few hours, and last time she checked she was giving birth, you know? So it's hard. But I am a little worried about her ambivalence as far as the children are concerned. I thought she'd want to see them first thing."

"Well, excuse me for saying so, but Captain Janeway has always had avoidance issues." Tom said. "And guilt. I've never seen a woman with such a guilt complex. But I wouldn't worry. You won't be able to keep those two imps away from her for long, and when she sees them, her heart will melt and that will be that. She just needs something to snap her out of it."  
And Tom's words had proved strangely prophetic. Only twenty minutes later, the little girl had been injured and was sent to sickbay, where Captain Janeway did indeed snap out of it and ended up hysterical in Chakotay's arms. Harry had left them then, and went back to Mrs. Janeway's quarters where she was trying to calm a very upset little Edward, and where Tom was trying to calm down a very upset Mrs. Janeway.

Tom and Harry returned to the bridge once the Doctor contacted Gretchen to tell her little Kathryn would be fine. On the way there, Harry told him what he had seen. Tom let out a low whistle and shook his head.

"See? Wasn't I right? She just needed something to snap her out of it." He said smugly.

Harry just rolled his eyes.

Still, it was a relief to see her alive, no matter what the situation. Those first moments on the bridge, when Chakotay had announced through the com that the captain was dead, had been terrible. He closed his eyes now as he remembered it, frowning at the painful feelings it brought back.

* * *

"_We're in communications range, Captain Tuvok." Lt. Commander Rollins said when they were still more than a day from the planet._

_Many of the bridge officers looked up from their tasks. Tom's face tightened. They were all worried about what they might find…or might not find._

"_Mr. Rollins, open a subspace channel."_

"_Channel open, sir."_

_Tuvok paused before speaking. "Voyager to Captain Janeway. Voyager to_

_Captain Janeway or Commander Chakotay. Come in Captain, Commander. Do you_

_read?" He glanced at Rollins. "Is there a response?"_

_Rollins' face fell. "Not yet, Captain."_

"_Keep sending it."_

"_Message is repeating, sir."_

_Tuvok nodded and turned to the helm. "Mr. Baytart, increase our speed to-"_

"_Sir, we're getting a response!" Rollins burst out._

_Tuvok's eyebrow raised, the only sign of emotion on his face. The rest of the_

_bridge crew murmured in excitement. "Play it."_

"This is Commander Chakotay," _the voice came, staticky through the com._ "I can read you."

_Sighs of relief were heard. "Commander, it is good to hear your voice. It has been a long time." Tuvok said._

"It has. How is Voyager?"

_"You will be pleased to hear, Commander, that Voyager returned to the Alpha Quadrant seven years ago."_

"You were only here for a few months after you left us?" _They could hear the surprise in Chakotay's voice._

"_Yes. It is a long story, but suffice it to say, we were able to find a wormhole and we returned home. I do feel the need to inform you, however, that I disobeyed Captain Janeway's orders. We did attempt to seek a cure from the Viddians. It was an unsuccessful venture, unfortunately."_

"That's…all right, Tuvok. I congratulate you on your return. But what are you doing back here?"

_Tom and Harry looked at each other in surprise. He almost sounded regretful that they were here._

_"Starfleet was able to design a crude version of the Borg's transwarp conduit. It took quite a while, but it was finally tested and approved. During that time, the virus you and Captain Janeway were exposed to was studied in great detail at Starfleet Medical. Several months ago, a cure was discovered, and our mission to bring you home was approved by Command." Tuvok paused, and glanced at his first officer. "Am I correct in assuming that you and the Captain want to return with us?"_

"Tuvok…I'm sorry to have to tell you…Captain Janeway has been dead for five years."

_The silence on the bridge was deafening. B'Elanna, who was at the bridge engineering console, gasped and put a hand to her mouth. Everyone else just stared in stunned silence. Then Tuvok cleared his throat._

"_That is…regrettable. She was a very fine woman. A fine friend. May I ask how she died?"_

_There was a pause. _"She died giving birth."

_The collective gasp was almost as loud as the silence it replaced. The officers all stared at each other in shock. Many of them had jokingly made bets on whether or not the captain and commander would have succumbed to the spark between them that had been obvious almost from the beginning. The common consensus was that they had. But nobody had seriously suggested that they might have had children. And absolutely no one would have imagined that the captain had died giving birth._

_Tuvok held up his hand for silence. "I extend my deepest regrets, Commander. How long ago did this happen?"_

"Five years ago. She had twins, a boy and a girl."

_"Well, Commander, I am quite frankly at a loss for words right now. Captain Janeway's death is a shock to us all."_

"I understand. I'm still…it."

_"I'm sorry, Commander, I didn't get that."_

"I said…shock…vok?"

_Tuvok looked at Rollins, who was frantically trying to clear up the link. "We're passing a plasma drift. It's interfering with communications."_

_"Commander, we'll be in orbit in thirty-six hours. Do you confirm that?"_

"Thirty-six hours. Got it…vok…forward to see…"

_"We will see you then. Tuvok out."_

_The channel was cut, and the bridge was plunged into a deep silence. No one spoke. They all stared down, their faces heavy with grief. Finally, B'Elanna, her hormones unable to take it anymore, let loose a harsh sob and crossed the room to her husband. Tom stood up and held her in his arms as she cried. His own cheeks were covered with his tears. He turned to Tuvok._

_"You'll have to make an announcement." He said roughly._

_Tuvok, who had been staring at the view screen where the stars were coming at them at warp speed, looked at his first officer. His expression was emotionless, but after seven years at Tuvok's side, Tom could tell that the man had suffered a heavy blow with news of his friend's death. _

_"Her mother will have to be informed before the crew." He said stiffly. He stood. "I want to make it clear to you all that the information of the captain's death is not to leave this room until I make the ship wide announcement. We must respect Mrs. Janeway's presence onboard, and it would be disregarding that respect if she heard of her daughter's death in casual conversation. I'll be in my ready room, where I will compose my words to Mrs. Janeway, and until I come out, none of you are to leave the bridge." Then, becoming aware of the looks on his officer's faces, his countenance softened. "I know this is…hard on many of you. Most likely all of you. I am not immune to it myself. Captain Janeway was a valued friend, and a valued officer. Her loss is felt…most keenly. I have no illusions that I will enter the ready room and you will all follow business as usual. But as I said, news of her death is not to leave the bridge until her mother has been informed."And with that, Tuvok strode to his ready room and disappeared inside._

_The silence lasted for a few more moments, punctuated only by B'Elanna's soft cries. _

_"I can't believe it." Harry finally said, his face a mask of shock._

_Tom just shook his head. "After everything she went through in her life, to be cut down by giving birth…what a horrible thing to happen." He sighed. "She said to me once that she'd always wanted children."_

_"Poor Chakotay," B'Elanna finally spoke up. "Alone with two babies, having lost her like that. I can't imagine how he did it."_

_"She was a good captain." Rollins spoke up._

_"A good woman." Samantha Wildman tearfully said. "She kept going even when a lot of us wanted to give up. And they both sacrificed everything so that we could get home."_

* * *

The ship wide announcement had come shortly after Tuvok spoke to Gretchen Janeway. Tom had accompanied him, and Gretchen had taken the news fairly well, considering it was her daughter. "I half expected her to be dead, Tuvok," she said sadly. "I didn't even entertain the thought that it would be from giving birth, but if it had to be from anything, I'm glad it was that. It means she was able to be a mother, if only for a few minutes. And she did want that. She never talked about it much, but I know she wanted it."

Everyone's spirits dropped after that. The trip back to the Delta Quadrant, which had taken several weeks with transwarp, had been jovial, everyone cheerful with the knowledge that they would soon be seeing their former commanding officers. Not a day went by that the mess hall wasn't filled with people reminiscing about the captain and commander, and speculating what their life was like. Now though, in the day and a half before reaching the planet, a pall had been cast on their voyage. They would be retrieving Chakotay, and gaining two new passengers in the forms of his young children, but they had lost someone very special. The prospect of Captain Janeway being gone forever was a hard one to bear.

And then, inexplicably, she was alive. Their brief mourning was cut short, and they were able to truly celebrate the success of the mission.

But, Harry thought to himself, although they only mourned a day or two, Chakotay had mourned her for five years.

His heart really went out to the guy.

Even more so when they found out that Captain Janeway wasn't bouncing back all that well form her ordeal. Not that anyone could blame her. They were all just glad to hear that she was doing well, and they were glad her adorable little girl was going to be okay.

So now, several hours later, the senior staff was aware of Captain Janeway's return to sanity, and they were eagerly awaiting an update on the situation. Even Tuvok, who would claim no emotional attachment to the events, looked up in anticipation every time someone entered the bridge.

And finally, their curiosity was satisfied. The lift doors opened, and Kathryn Janeway and Commander Chakotay stepped off.

_TBC...soon, I promise!_


	20. Chapter 20

Well kids, this is it for a week or so...I'm heading out to Southampton and I just want to sit in the sun and do nothing...I'll try to write here and there but chances are there won't be an update for at least a week or two. So I hope you enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you think!

* * *

"Captain on the bridge!" 

Kathryn slowly stepped further away from the sanctuary of the turbolift and closer to the command chairs. As soon as Harry had uttered that phrase, all the bridge officers stood and looked at her with unveiled awe. She felt mildly uncomfortable.

She felt the uncomfortable feeling dissolve as the bridge crew broke out into joyful applause. Smiling, she struggled to keep back the tears. The respect and admiration she saw in all their eyes was wreaking havoc on her emotions. This was the first time she had set foot on the bridge – _her­ _bridge, once – in two years…or rather, seven. She had never thought to be here again, and yet, against all odds, here she was.

She smiled at everyone around her. How much they had all changed! And yet so much was the same. Tom, though his eyes looked suspiciously misty, was still giving her his trademark smirk, his arms folded across his chest. Harry was smiling at her like a first year cadet, his mouth wide and his eyes sparkling. Tuvok, naturally, was stoic as ever, standing at attention as if he were greeting a high ranking admiral and not an old friend.

But she didn't have his Vulcan stoicism. She didn't have a uniform on, and in the two years that she had been on New Earth, her Starfleet protocol had fallen completely to the wayside. So instead of nodding pleasantly and going to shake her former second officer's hand, her eyes welled up with tears which spilled unchecked down her cheeks, and she began to circle the bridge, greeting each of her former officers as she approached them.

Harry was first. She took his face in her hands, and smiled tremulously at him.

"Looks like you finally got that promotion, Harry." She whispered.

Harry grinned, his own eyes watering up, and he completely went against regulations when he wrapped his arms around his former captain and gave her a gentle but firm hug. She responded in turn, hugging him back tightly.

"We never gave up on you, Captain." He whispered in her ear. "We always meant to come get you two back. I'm so glad you're okay."

"Thank you for not giving up." She pulled back and grinned wryly at him. "I have my suspicions that your voice cried out the loudest for us."

Harry blushed. "Well, I did give Tuvok quite a bit of ageda after we left you here…I made quite a few waves."

She patted him on the shoulder. "I'm sure your intentions were noble."

Tom came up next to them. "You know what they say about good intentions, Captain."

"That the road to hell is paved with them?" she laughed. "I suppose you would know about that." She pulled him into a hug just as tight as the one she gave Harry. "How are you, Tom?" she looked up at him. "Speaking of hell, you look like it."

"Gee, how kind of you. Not all of us had a five year cat nap."

Rather than reminding her of what she lost, Tom's comment, delivered in his particular way of speaking, lightened her spirits. "How are you?" she asked again, softer. Chakotay had told her of the sorrow in his and B'Elanna's lives.

"Things look brighter with every day that passes." He said seriously. "And today, they are looking especially bright."

"And how are your parents?"

"They're very well. My father said to tell you that he hopes you enjoyed your

vacation, because he's putting you to work the minute you set foot off this ship." He grinned.

She laughed. "We'll see about that."

Tom's smile faded as he became serious again. "Welcome home, Captain."

"Thank you Tom." She moved from him. She made her way around the bridge, greeting each person warmly with a hug. B'Elanna's hug was made a little difficult by the large bump protruding from her body, and both women laughed as the baby inside kicked against them.

"Congratulations, B'Elanna." Kathryn said happily. "I was so thrilled to hear you have a family. I was a little surprised to hear who with…" she shot a grin at Tom. "But somehow, it makes sense."

"It didn't make much sense at first!" B'Elanna said, rolling her eyes. "But we're very happy. Wait until you meet our daughter! Owen and Julia insisted on keeping her while we were away, and I couldn't say no. They love to spend all the time they can with her. I just hope she recognizes me by the time we get back."

"I'm sure she will." Kathryn said.

"By the way, your children are adorable." B'Elanna squeezed her hands. "You're going to make a great mother to them…just like you were to us." She said, shrugging shyly.

Kathryn's face broke into that trademark wide smile of hers. "Thank you, B'Elanna. That's very kind of you to say."

She continued around the bridge, until at last she stopped at Tuvok. He stood ramrod straight, his dark eyes holding her blue ones. They regarded each other silently until Kathryn moved closer and took his hand.

"Hello, old friend." She said softly. "You've taken very good care of my ship."

"She was never really mine to command, Captain, but it has been a privilege to lead in your stead." He paused. "You have been…greatly missed."

She quirked a quasi-Vulcan eyebrow at him. "Am I to understand that you contacted the Viddians after all?"

"I disobeyed your orders, Captain. I am prepared to accept the consequences."

She snorted. "After seven years? Hardly." She eyes him suspiciously. "If I didn't know you better, I'd say your decision was almost…emotional. After all, you deliberately disobeyed orders. That's not like you."

"I made a decision. I stand by it. I only regret that our attempt at securing the Viddian's assistance was unsuccessful."

"Don't be sorry, Tuvok." she smiled past him at Chakotay. "I'm not. But I am so grateful to you all for coming back for us." She turned around and caught the eye of each bridge officer, all of whom had been on Voyager when she was the Captain. "We started our journey together, and you didn't forget about us after we were separated. Words alone can't express our gratitude. If not for you, I would still be…" she swallowed. "I would not be here. So thank you. All of you."

Chakotay walked down the ramp to stand at her side. "We have an announcement. We want to get married, down on the planet, before we leave. With your permission, Tuvok, we'd like to ask the crew as our guests. And we would be honored if you would perform the ceremony."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "It would be difficult for the entire crew to attend. I would prefer to keep a skeleton onboard during the ceremony, and the most logical choice would be the crew members who were not in the Delta Quadrant with us on our journey home. And as to your request, I would be honored."

"So Tom, who won the betting pool?" Chakotay suddenly asked the first officer.

Tom's face reddened. "Betting pool?"

"Sure. Come on, you don't think I didn't know about the running bet on when Kathryn and I would finally get together?"

Tom collected himself and stood at his full height. "Honestly, Chakotay, I'm insulted that you think an officer of my good standing and rank – a rank, which may I remind you, out-ranks you – would ever have anything to do with something as sordid as _betting_." He cleared his throat. "And incidentally, as we are unaware of the time period where your, er, relationship with Captain Janeway changed, if there were a betting pool, _hypothetically_, we wouldn't be able to declare a winner until we had that information."

"So which pool _was _satisfied?"

"Just the one determining whether or not you had finally…ummm…"

B'Elanna slapped her stomach. "Done this. I'd say the twins are a pretty good indicator as to the outcome of that bet."

"Please, Commander." Tuvok said wearily. "Restrain your more colorful entendres for your off hours."

"Which Commander?" she asked.

"Does it matter?" he said.

Kathryn patted Tuvok's arm. "Poor Tuvok. I'm sure seven years with those two on your bridge must have been tiring."

He turned his eyes to her. "Exhausting." he said flatly.

"Well, we should start planning, and do it quickly." Chakotay said. "I know you were planning to leave tomorrow. Is there anything left of our settlement down there?"

"No there is not. Everything has been transported to Cargo Bay 2. I would suggest we continue this discussion in the ready room so that the crew can continue to prepare for departure. Commander Paris, if you would join us."

"Of course, Captain."

"Commander Kim, you have the bridge."

The four of them left the bridge and entered the ready room, to the disappointment of the bridge crew. B'Elanna lasted exactly one minute before asking Harry's permission to be excused. Of course, he readily agreed, and she ran off to spread the news.

Meanwhile, Kathryn entered her old ready room with no small amount of trepidation. It was the same, and yet it was different. Very little had been changed, but there were small signs that it was now Tuvok's room. There was the traditional Vulcan meditation lamp on the table in front of the couch. Her framed pictures were gone. A sculpture that she recognized from a brief, rare visit to Tuvok's quarters were on the desk. And the desk was neater than she had kept it. The pile of PADD's that had often covered it were absent, and her computer terminal had been replaced and updated with a new sleeker version which was only a panel of transparent aluminum that rose from a crevice in the desk. She was unused to seeing the desk so bare. In fact, on closer inspection, she could see that it wasn't her desk at all. It had been replaced.

But the ghosts of her old life were still here. She could see her and Chakotay sitting on the couch, going over crew reports together. _Coffee, Commander?_, she would say, and he would crinkle his nose in disgust. _How can you drink so much of that sludge?_, he would ask. She spent so many hours on that couch during down time, staring out at the passing stars, wondering if they would ever stop passing and settle on the one star she wanted to see, the star that her home planet revolved around. She wondered if she would ever live on a planet again.

And she had, just not the planet she had expected to live on. But they had a good life, for what they had. It just wasn't the life she had always wanted.

And now she could have it all.

It was within her reach. Right there.

_But something will go wrong,_ she thought bitterly. _It always does. I couldn't even enjoy the birth of my own children. How can I expect the Universe will let me enjoy my own wedding?_

"Kathryn?" Chakotay's voice was low in her ear. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm fine." She wandered around the room. "I have to say, Tuvok, Voyager looks beautiful. Chakotay told me there was a war back home, but from what I can see, the ship looked remarkably undamaged."

"The war ended four years ago. Voyager underwent an extensive overhaul afterwards. Many systems were updated or replaced."

"They tried to replace the viewscreen." Tom said. "But Harry wouldn't let them. They wanted to give us one of those new holographic screens like they did on the new Enterprise, but Harry told them-"

"New Enterprise? What happened to the old one?" she frowned. "Jean-Luc is still alive, isn't he?"

"He's alive. The Enterprise-D crashed on a planet in the Veridian system. The crew came out of it largely unharmed, but the ship was destroyed. It all revolved around James Kirk, believe it or not."

Kathryn gave a short laugh. "I beg your pardon? He's been dead for more than eighty years. How did he have anything to do with the D?"

"He wasn't actually dead. It's a long story."

"It's one I'd like to hear." Chakotay said. "Captain Sulu told me so many stories about Hikaru Sulu's adventures with Jim Kirk that I almost felt as though I knew him."

"Another time, perhaps." Tuvok said. "Suffice it to say, Starfleet Command felt Captain Picard and his crew were worthy of another ship, so they were given command of a Sovereign class vessel, the Enterprise-E. It proved to be a wise move, as Picard and his crew proved themselves many times during the war."

"And their ship was one of the first to be equipped with a holographic viewscreen." Tom said, getting back to his earlier point. "But Harry said, what are they supposed to look at while the screen is off? Then he made a big case to Operations and the Engineering Corp. that the viewscreen on Voyager was the _very same_ screen that the _legendary _Captain Janeway had stared at during her two year voyage in the Delta Quadrant, and that they would be destroying a piece of history if they were to replace it. He said that that view screen had shown this crew some of the most magnificent sights the Delta Quadrant had to offer, and some of the most grotesque. They finally got tired of hearing him and left the screen in." Tom shrugged. "I don't know, Harry was just really attached to that view screen."

"Well, I'm glad. That holographic screen sounds terrible." She ran her hand along the railing separating the levels. "Voyager is still such a beautiful ship."

"Of course, once we return and you are debriefed, I will surrender command to you, Captain." Tuvok said evenly.

Kathryn turned to him in horror. "No! No, Tuvok. You've been her captain far longer than I was. She's your ship now. I have no claim on her."

"Forgive me, Captain. But this ship has always been yours."

She hesitated. "This ship…this ship was my child. This crew…they were my children. I could guide them and be there to lead them…but I have children of my own now, to guide and lead…I have a family. And as much as this crew will always be my family, I have to get to know my children now. It's no less than any of us deserve. I won't be accepting command of a ship when we get home, Tuvok. Maybe not for a long time."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "It will be a disappointment to Starfleet, and to the crew…and to myself as well. You are a fine captain, and your presence among the fleet will be missed. I have no doubt that you would have led bravely and with dignity in the Dominion War. But if this is your choice, then I respect it, and I wish you a prosperous and tranquil home life." He nodded to Chakotay. "You as well, Chakotay."

"Thank you," he said, a bit stunned at Kathryn's declaration. They hadn't discussed it yet, but he assumed she would want to get back into Starfleet once they got home. While he wouldn't be the happiest about it, he was prepared to support her. She was a Starfleet officer. She was a Starfleet Captain. She wouldn't be the woman he loved if she were any different.

Or so he had thought.

She smiled at him, as if she read his thoughts. "Are you okay? You look a little…blindsided."

He let out his breath in a laugh. "I feel as though I have been. I didn't know that was what you wanted."

The smile left her face and she stared at him. "How could you think it wouldn't be?" she said quietly. "I was deprived the first five years of their lives. I was deprived five years we would have had together. I'm not going to waste anymore time. Long enough, Chakotay. We've waited long enough. It's time for us, now."

"Time for us," he echoed in agreement.

"Aww." Tom said cheekily. "Look, Tuvok. They like each other."

If a Vulcan could sigh, Tuvok would have.

* * *

They left Tuvok's ready room – for that was what it was, Kathryn thought firmly, _Tuvok's_ ready room – and started to head for sickbay to get the twins. But once in the turbolift, Chakotay evidently changed his mind because the deck he called out was three, not five. 

Kathryn looked at him in confusion. "Why three? Did you forget something in your quarters?"

He suppressed a smile. "You'll see."

The doors opened and they headed down the corridor. He led her past his quarters and stopped in front of the door that had captured his attention when he first came back onboard a few days earlier. Before he knew she was going to be okay, that door had taunted him.

"My old quarters? Chakotay, why are we standing here? Aren't these Tuvok's quarters now?"

He smiled softly. "Enter your code."

Her mouth fell open slightly but she reached over to tap her code on the pad next to the door. It slid open with a hiss, and her mouth fell open even further.

"My code still works?"

"These are still your quarters."

She looked stunned. "But why? Why didn't Tuvok take them?" She frowned. "Come to think of it, why didn't Tom and B'Elanna take your quarters?"

"The senior staff felt it wasn't appropriate for anyone to have these quarters' except you and me. The original occupants." He smirked.

She smirked back. "Maybe I was original, but you, my dear, had a predecessor." A shadow passed over her face as she remembered her original first officer. He had been a good man, although she hadn't known him well. But she could never imagine that she would have been anywhere near as close to Cavit as she was to Chakotay.

Tentatively, she took a step inside, and he followed. The rooms were as she left them, more or less. Anything that she had left behind was gone, no doubt claimed by her mother when Voyager returned to the Alpha Quadrant. But there were some things, here and there, that had been hers. There was a painting in her bedroom of the green fields of Indiana. Phoebe had painted that for to take on her first big command. _They're giving you a brand new ship, Kathryn,_ her sister had said. _Don't foul it up._ And then she had given her the painting. _Might as well have something not hideously Starfleet issue on that bucket of bolts_. She was surprised now that she hadn't remembered to bring it to New Earth, but then, she hadn't exactly been in a position to pack her own belongings. Everything they had with them had been transported by the crew. They had simply been unable to come back to the ship and pack. Somehow, the painting had been overlooked. _Along with our boosters,_ Kathryn thought wryly.

Also overlooked was the collection of seashells she had kept on an end table in the living area. It was a clear vase, and inside were shells from every vacation and shore leave she had ever been on. She used the term sea shells loosely; for not every planet in creation had sea shells, but there was usually a version of them or something which could, by a stretch of the imagination, be referred to as such. She had shells from every shore she had been to on Earth, of course. There were little jagged edges of stone from the underground caves of Mars, shells from her first shore leave on Risa, and even from a visit to Vulcan. And once they started setting down for leave in the Delta Quadrant, the vase had filled up even more. There were shells from that wonderful planet in the first year, Sikaris. Well, the planet had been beautiful, but its people had turned out to be no less decadent and hedonistic than the Greeks and Romans of ancient Earth. There were shells from Kitaris IV, where they had set down for a major maintenance overhaul after the incident where Voyager had been copied and her counterpart had destroyed her Voyager to stop the Vidiians. She even had a shell, a luminous pale pink in color, which had come from shoreline of one of the great cities on the planet where they found the 37's. That one was one of her favorites, neck in neck only with the pearly pale green form Neelix had given her once as a gift. It had been shortly after he and Kes came onboard Voyager that he visited her in her quarters to thank her for allowing him the use of her personal dining room for a galley. He had noticed the jug of shells, and she explained its significance to him. A few days later he came back with the green piece. It was softer than a shell at first touch, but tougher than one, and indented more like a fossil, but a beautiful lustrous color. He explained that it was called a _Kravix_, and it was found in varied colors along the shores of the moon Rinax where he grew up. _I only have two,_ he had said sadly. _Rinax was completely destroyed years ago…nothing of it remains. It is now a barren, desolate rock. I brought these with me when I left…and I would like you to have one. You may have never taken your…what is it, shore leave? You may not have had shore leave there, but I would be honored if you would place this in your collection. A little piece of my home in thanks for allowing me a little piece of yours._

She had been touched, and honored, and she told him so. She immediately placed the Kravix in the jug, and it remained there now, flashing at her, welcoming her back to her little piece of home.

She wondered how she had forgotten to request that the jug be packed.

There was very little else of hers left, but clearly, the room had been seldom entered in seven years. She could almost still smell the scent of the candles she liked to light when she was relaxing in her tub. But that was ridiculous fanciful nonsense, she told herself scornfully. Voyager's ventilation system would have recycled those scents long ago. Still, there was a lingering scent of jasmine that she couldn't explain away.

She wandered, brushing her hand over the sofa, pressing her glass to the view port where she had stood so many long nights. It wasn't _her_ home, not anymore, but it had belonged to the woman she had been so long ago. Not as long ago for her as for everyone else, but two years was still a long time to be away from a certain type of life and then thrust right back into it.

She sat down on the sofa and Chakotay sat across from her. They looked at each other silently for a few minutes.

"It's strange, isn't it?" he finally asked. "The first time I went back into my quarters, it creeped me out."

"Creeped?" she quirked a smile. "Yes, I suppose that's the word. I feel creeped out. I felt like that in the ready room, too. I almost expect the ghosts of us to come gliding by, going about business that we have no business going about anymore."

"Say that five times fast."

She laughed. "You really do hang around Tom too much, I think. I've been saying it for years."

His expression sobered. "Tom has changed. He's not who we once knew. They've all changed. But the one thing that never changed was their loyalty to you."

"To us." She said firmly. "They're just as loyal to you."

"I suppose they are. Frankly, many of them should be on to bigger and better by now. B'Elanna and Harry, especially, should be first officers on another ship, I would think. Tom should be a captain. And yet they stay here. Loyal to Voyager, loyal to you. Just about every crewmember we had seven years ago is here to get us, Kathryn. That sort of loyalty…you don't see it often."

"How will we live up to it." She murmured.

"I don't think we really have to. I think that a lot of people are going to be disappointed that we won't be coming back, but our trek ended a long time ago. You were right when you said that this is Tuvok's ship now. This isn't our world, or our life. We left a long time ago and I don't think we could ever truly come back. We aren't them anymore, Kathryn. We just…aren't. And frankly, I really don't have the desire to be. All these years, when you were…where you were, I promised myself that if we ever got rescued, I would have a proper burial for you with your family, and then I would devote my life to raising the twins. Maybe be a professor or something, assuming I wasn't still on the Federation's most wanted list. I was never going to go back to Starfleet, Kathryn. I wasn't going to do that to my children, I couldn't. Not when they didn't have a mother. I would have supported you in whatever you did, but I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that I won't have to watch the sky at night and wonder where you are, or if you're safe."

"It's…strange…" she said slowly. "It's almost as if a part of me did die. The Captain part. All my life, all I wanted was Starfleet. There was never any other choice, no other option. I knew, eventually, I wanted to get married and have a family. The first time I was engaged, I was so young. What probably would have happened is that we would have started a family and I would have had a desk job. And I think back then I would have been okay with that. I would have compromised. But by the time I was engaged to Mark, there was no compromise. I was Captain Janeway, and that was that. I wouldn't have given that up for Mark, Chakotay, and he would have let me get away with it. I don't even think I would have made time for children with the way I was going. But now…I don't want to do it anymore. I just…don't. It makes no sense, and it's not who I was, but I suppose losing five years of my children's' lives is enough to scare me into not losing any more. I don't want that life. I want the one we had on New Earth. I want to have a house and a dog and have the kids play in the yard and…burn dinner."

They laughed. He leaned forward and rested his hands on her knees. "Then that's what you'll have. In a few hours, we'll get married down there. And when we get home, we'll find a house and a dog and you can burn as many dinners as you want."

She touched his cheek. "And you can fix them." She whispered.

"And I can fix them." He grabbed her hand and they stood up. "Come on. Let's go get the twins and tell them the good news. I'm warning you, though," he said as they left her quarters and entered the turbolift. "Now that they have you back, I suspect they're going to be clinging to you and jabbering at you for a long time to come. Especially our daughter."

Kathryn laughed. "Good. That's exactly the way I want it."

* * *

As Voyager orbited the third planet of the system, another vessel orbited the fifth, masking their signal behind the planet.

"Contact the warship. It _is_ Voyager."

_TBC_

Dun-dun-dunnnnnn……

Whatcha think? Who do you think it is? Who do you _want_ it to be?


	21. Chapter 21

They walked into sickbay to the sounds of Gretchen trying to break up a fight between Katie and the Doctor. Kathryn was impressed with the set of lungs on her daughter, and somewhat bemused to see that the child hadn't only inherited her looks…she had also clearly inherited her distaste for sickbay.

"I want to go back _now_! Call my parents and tell them to come get me. I'm tired of being in here!" Katie shrieked at the Doctor.

"Ms. Janeway, you suffered a life threatening head injury! You're going to have to act like a big girl and just stay in sickbay until you're well enough to leave."

"I am well enough!"

"Katie, you need to listen to the Doctor. You hurt your head really bad-"

"Grandma, I feel fine, and there's nothing to _do_ in here!"

Edward was the first one to catch sight of them near the doors. He hurried over to them unnoticed and Chakotay picked him up. "What's going on?" he whispered in his son's ear.

"Kathryn's throwing a tantrum." Edward whispered back.

"What else is new?"

"Oh, I forgot, we can't call her Kathryn anymore. Every time we do she turns purple. She says it's Katie and that Mommy is Kathryn."

"We'll try not to make that mistake." They headed over to the fray and Katie, immediately noticing them, began to ramble on to her mother about the injustice of being stuck in sickbay. The Doctor quickly interrupted.

"Captain, her head injury was nothing to sneeze at. It could have been fatal, and I can't in all good conscious allow her to wander around the ship and behave rambunctiously."

"What sort of parents do you think we are, Doctor?" Chakotay asked. "We're not likely to let her be 'rambunctious' after what she went through today."

"After what we all went through." Gretchen said wearily. "The last two days have been an emotional roller coaster, and I for one am ready to get off."

"Really, Mom?" Kathryn teased. "You wouldn't even want to stay on for my wedding?"

Gretchen looked at her daughter sharply. "What wedding?"

"The wedding we're having on New Earth in a few short hours. I do hope you're not too exhausted to be there."

Katie bounced on the biobed. "Oooo, a wedding! Like the one in the stories, Daddy?"

"Well, not quite. But it's the same idea."

"Here? Kathryn, why can't you just wait until we get home?" Gretchen asked in dismay.

"What's wrong with here?"

"Well, what's the rush? Your sister and her family will want to be there, and Aunt Martha and your cousin Jenna…Aunt Jeannie would be crushed if she didn't see you get married! Uncle Ken and Aunt Myra live back on Earth now and I really think that it's terribly inappropriate for them not to be there. Uncle Ken is Daddy's brother, for God's sake! He gave Phoebe away; I would assume he'd do the same for you! Kathryn, please, let's just go home and we can have a proper wedding there."

"Mom, none of these people have seen me in a decade. I really think they'll survive if they're not at my wedding."

"What about Phoebe? She's your sister, Kathryn."

"And she'll understand that after everything I've been through, I want to get married now!" Kathryn's yelled. She caught herself and took a breath. "Look, I've had two failed engagements, four years seventy-thousand light years from home, and five years lost of my children's lives. So excuse me if I want to be 'inappropriate' and maybe a little selfish and not wait for the next huge trauma in my life to take something away from me. Chakotay and I are getting married today, on that planet. If it bothers you so much that _Aunt Jeannie_ won't be there, then we can just have another ceremony when we get home. But I want to do this now, _today_."

Gretchen rolled her eyes. "Fine, Kathryn. You don't need to get defensive about it."

Kathryn just shook her head in exasperation. "As for who will be giving me away, I asked Tom if he would do the honors. His father was very good friends with Daddy, and he's always been there for all of us, so I would be honored if his son were to give me away. B'Elanna will be my matron of honor. So there you go, two official witnesses. Now as for you two," Kathryn smiled at her children and took Edward from Chakotay's arms. "Kathryn…Katie. Katie, I would love it if you were my flower girl. Do you know what that is?"

Katie shook her head.

"It's when you get to wear a pretty dress and toss around flower petals. Sound like fun?"

Katie's eyes lit up. "Yeah!"

"And Edward." Kathryn looked into her son's serious brown eyes. "We would be honored if you would be our ring bearer. That means you get to hold the rings Daddy and I will wear to show we're married. You give them to us when Tuvok says so, okay?"

Edward nodded and smiled.

"See, Mom? We're all set. Now, Doctor, would we be able to persuade you to release Katie from sickbay? You'll be there, too, so you can keep as much of a hawk eye on her as you want."

"You're inviting me to your wedding?" The Doctor said, his chest practically puffing up with pride. "Well, I'm honored. Of course Katie can leave with you. Just don't let her overdo it, and I'll want to see her after the ceremony for a check-up."

"Nooooo!" Katie whined.

"Kathryn Sekaya." Chakotay said sharply.

Katie pouted and looked away, and Kathryn looked impressed. "You'll have to show me how you do that." She whispered in his ear. He suppressed a smirk.

"Speaking of check-ups…" The Doctor grasped Kathryn's shoulders and led her over to a biobed. "It seems to be time for yours, Captain. Sit down."

Kathryn groaned. "You just did that this morning!"

"Captain, you were dead a day or so ago. I would hardly complain about a few scans if I were you. Better safe than sorry." He said cheerfully. She glared at him, but he just smiled. He held up the tricorder and began scanning. "Mmm-hmm…mm-hmmm…Very nice. I have to say, I'm still at a loss to explain your quick recovery, but I'm certainly not going to question it. Tell me, Captain, Commander…were either of you ever ill on the planet?"

"Kathryn got sick during the first winter…pneumonia. It was a fairly mild case, but she was laid up for a few days. I had a lingering cold nearly every winter, and my allergies acted up in the spring, but we had sufficient medication for that. We were all in fairly good health."

"And you still are. Captain, you are in perfect health. I'll want to check you again tomorrow, and once a day for the next week, but then I think I'll be able to safely proclaim you 'out of the woods', as Mister Paris is fond of saying."

"Lovely." Kathryn said sarcastically. She hopped off the biobed. "Then I'll look forward to out little tête-à-tête tomorrow."

"I look forward to it as well." The Doctor said, oblivious to her sarcasm. "In the meantime, I'll prepare for your nuptials. How exciting! We haven't had a Voyager wedding in quite some time."

Kathryn tilted her head quizzically. "I'm curious…was a wedding ever performed on Voyager?"

"Just Tom and B'Elanna's. They felt it was the most appropriate setting. But we didn't have an opportunity for a wedding while we were in the Delta Quadrant…we made it home only a few months after we left you here."

Kathryn smiled sadly. "That's what I heard." She said quietly. "Well, we'll see you later, Doctor." She joined her family near the door and smiled at her daughter, who was safe in her father's arms. "Let's go replicate you that pretty dress, shall we?"

Katie beamed at her. "We shall."

* * *

B'Elanna sat down wearily on the couch and gratefully accepted the glass of orange juice her husband handed her. He sat down next to her and pulled her feet onto his lap. Removing her boots, he began to rub her feet, as he did every day when they ended their respective shifts. "Oh, that feels so good." B'Elanna moaned. "You're a keeper."

Tom laughed. "Good to know. Rough day?"

"Not so rough, really, but I did a lot of walking. There was a little glitch in the transwarp drive that I wanted to check up on, and it involved going back and forth between Engineering and the Bridge."

"You should have had one of your lackeys do it."

"I trust myself the most."

"Well, you're getting more tired with this pregnancy than with Miral. Try not to overdo it."

"I won't." B'Elanna leaned her head back. "When do we need to be down on the planet by?"

"Two hours. Tuvok has assigned crews to put together a nice setting for them to get married in…there's a bit of a sentimentalist in him, B'Elanna."

B'Elanna snorted. "If you say so." She thought for a moment. "I have to say, I'm a bit surprised that Captain Janeway asked me to be her matron of honor. I mean, obviously I'm honored and I've always had the highest respect for her, but I didn't think she felt that close to me."

"You were the only other woman on the senior staff. Out of all the women on this ship, she more than likely knew you the best. The only other person I can think of that she might have known better was Kes, and well…" Tom cleared his throat. "I'm really not surprised she asked you to do this. In fact, I would have to say that in the future, you and the captain could probably be…friends."

B'Elanna raised an eyebrow. "Friends? Captain Janeway and me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I really think that she's changed. She doesn't seem like the captain so much anymore. She seems like…like a woman, like a mother. She seems calmer and softer somehow."

"I hear dying can do that to you."

Tom laughed. "Well as inappropriate as that was, I suppose in a way it's true. Or maybe living on this planet was what did it, I don't know. All I know is that she's changed, and from what I gather, she doesn't want to be in Starfleet anymore. If she's not our captain, that leaves her open to be our friend. And maybe you and I standing up with them is the first step in that direction."

B'Elanna smiled softly. "Yeah. And I can already see a huge advantage to being 'friends' with Captain Janeway and Chakotay."

"What's that?"

"Playmates for the kids."

Tom shook his head with a smile. "How very opportunistic of you."

"It will be a little weird at first. I mean, Chakotay has always been one of my best friends, but we've all changed, and I think we'll have to get to know each other all over again. And then there's the whole idea of getting used to them being a couple…that'll take some time. I mean, I see them, I see the kids, but sometimes believing isn't just seeing, you know?"

"I know. I mean, there was definitely always chemistry between the two of them, and I certainly had no doubt as to what would have happened over these years, but it's still something of a shock. Especially those kids."

"They are cute, though." B'Elanna said, grinning.

"Yeah. The little guy is so loveable and their daughter…she's a piece of work, all right."

"Well, this looks like a case of happily ever after to me."

Tom brushed a lock of hair out of his wife's face. "I thought you were suspicious of happily ever after. I thought you didn't believe in it."

She clasped his hand. "Every day I believe a little bit more. I have you to thank for that."

"The feeling is mutual. As surprised as we were at them, I'm sure they were surprised by us. We didn't really get off on the right foot from the beginning."

"I thought you were an arrogant, self absorbed pig."

"Aw, honey, don't hold back, tell me what you really thought."

"Seriously. I was not impressed."

"Flattery won't get you any more foot rubbing." Tom looked thoughtful. "Do you think I've changed?"

"A lot. Now you're a stubborn, domineering pig."

"That's how I keep you in line, wife."

B'Elanna chuckled. "Honestly, we've both changed. I'm not such a raging temper tantrum on wheels, and you're not arrogant or self absorbed. You're a warm, loving, considerate man. I wouldn't have married you if you weren't. And you're a wonderful father."

"And you're a wonderful mother." He said with a smile.

She sighed and leaned her head back. "I only hope they'll be as happy as we are. Or, as happy as we've become."

"We weren't happy for a long time." He said quietly.

"No, we weren't." she looked at him. "But you helped me through that pain, Tom, even when I knew you just wanted to wallow in your own. You had been through so much, and you came home to so much more, and the first thing you did was to be there for me, even if it was to the detriment of your own emotional state."

"It helped me to help you, B'Elanna. Everything I went through paled in comparison to what you went through."

"You never got to see him." She whispered.

"But you did. And that's good enough for me. We'll remember our son in our hearts, and that's what matters most." He smiled weakly. "Enough of this sad talk. We have a wedding to celebrate."

"So we do." She smiled. "Is the skeleton crew okay with being left on the ship, you think?"

"I don't see why they would have a problem with it. Tuvok was careful to only assign crewmembers who came onboard Voyager after we made it back to the Alpha Quadrant."

She frowned. "There aren't that many. Ten or twenty, I think."

"It should be sufficient for a few hours."

"Why don't we just land the ship?"

"Because…" Tom frowned. "That's an interesting idea. I wonder why I didn't think of it." He tapped his combadge. "Paris to Tuvok."

"_Yes, Mr. Paris?"_

"B'Elanna and I were just talking…instead of leaving a skeleton crew, why don't we just land the ship? After all, the skeleton crew is mainly ensigns and crewmen. There won't be a single commanding officer left onboard. And it does seem a little…discriminatory, really, to tell them they can't come just because they weren't on our maiden voyage."

There was a pause. _"I see your point, Commander. Report to the bridge. We can extrapolate a sufficient landing area and prepare the ship."_

"On my way." Tom closed the channel and sighed. "I knew that was gonna get me extra work. Thanks, B'Elanna."

"Anytime." She said smugly.

He stood up to leave. "But you see what I mean? He may act like a stuffy Vulcan, but he's really a sentimental softy at heart."

* * *

An hour later, Voyager could be seen lowering orbit and disappearing into the atmosphere of the planet, which the entire crew had taken to calling New Earth after hearing Chakotay referring to it as such. Soon, there was no sign that the ship had ever been in orbit, and the planet revolved undisturbed as it had for billions of years. The solar system was quiet.

Then there was a ripple. A mild disturbance in the fabric of space could be seen for an instant, and then it was gone.

And as for what it was hiding…that made its way closer to the planet.

_TBC_

The next chapter will be up soon...and it will be the wedding! Yay! And perhaps we'll find out who their nemesis is!


	22. Chapter 22

Sorry this took so long...my graduation party is this weekend and my parent's have been slave driving me! I hope you all enjoy it! And don't worry, for those of you who aren't crazy about too much sap, it's really only heavy in this chapter...the two short chapters after this are fairly sap free. Enjoy!

* * *

"Mommyyyyyy! Don't I look pretty?" 

Kathryn turned from the mirror and smiled at her daughter…_her daughter._ It was still so strange to her to see this laughing, playing child who was very nearly the mirror image of her, and to know that once she carried her in her body. _And not very long ago either, from my perspective_, she thought wryly. She watched Katie continue to twirl, her dress floating around her. The little girl had picked it out on her own, and Kathryn had the suspicion she modeled it after a dress from a fairy tale. It looked very similar to the dress worn by Princess Aurora in Disney's version of Sleeping Beauty, only it was a pale pink, nearly the color of cotton candy. Kathryn was sure she'd never seen a little girl look prettier.

"You look gorgeous, my dear. Just like a little princess." Katie beamed. "You're very lucky to be able to wear pink. I couldn't when I was your age. Actually, I really can't get away with it now, either."

"Because your hair was red as carrots." Katie said cheerfully.

"That's right." Kathryn took one last look in the mirror before turning to her daughter. "Well, how do I look?"

"Like a princess."

"Flattery will get you everywhere."

Gretchen joined Katie in the doorway and smiled softly at her daughter. "You look beautiful, Kathryn."

She hadn't wanted to wear too elaborate a dress. She had been to several civilian weddings where the bride was wearing a huge confection of white, and she had been to plenty of Starfleet weddings where the bride was wearing her drab dress uniform. Kathryn was actually partial to her dress uniform, but Starfleet was no longer using that style. The new dress uniforms were white with gold braiding, and while they were nice, they were still white, and she didn't want to wear white. "Too clichéd." She told her mother. So she tried to come up with something fancier than a dress uniform, and something less extreme than a traditional bridal gown.

What she finally came up with was, she thought, quite nice. Her mother was wearing pale lavender, B'Elanna was wearing pale green, and Katie was wearing pale pink, so Kathryn decided to wear pale blue, so pale it was nearly white. It was made out of a shimmering iridescent material, and really, it was quite lovely. It complemented her blue eyes and auburn hair perfectly. It was a strapless A-line that reached her feet, and under the dress she wore shoes of the same color. Her long hair was piled on her head with a few curls framing her face, and she wore a wreath of blue and white flowers in her hair, the same flowers which she carried in a small bouquet. Her mother had insisted on the bouquet, claiming it was tradition. And as Gretchen was a staunch traditionalist, Kathryn was disinclined to argue with her. But overall, the effect was quite stunning. She could barely be recognized as the Starfleet captain she had once been. Today, she looked like a woman in love, who was getting married.

"You're sure it's not too much?" she asked her mother anxiously.

"It's not enough, as far as I'm concerned. I wore a veil when I was married."

"Well, I have no patience for a veil. I don't even have much patience for this. I almost can't wait to be able to change."

"Into one of those hideous long dresses you have?" Gretchen scrunched up her face. "Try showing a little leg, Kathryn."

"Mother!" Kathryn stole a glance at Katie, who seemed rather oblivious. "That's a bit inappropriate."

"For God's sake, you're in your forties; you can do what you want at this point."

"Actually, I'm not." She said smugly. "Five years in a stasis chamber has seen to that."

"I'm glad you've gotten over it."

"What woman wouldn't be thrilled to be five years younger than she should be?" Kathryn tugged the dress up. "Are you sure this is okay? Maybe I should put straps on it or something. This really isn't me. I don't look silly?"

"You look gorgeous. Take another look. It's impossible to miss."

She glanced in the mirror again. It really _wasn't_ her; it was a stranger staring back at her. Captain Janeway didn't wear strapless dresses and flowers in her hair. She didn't have an elaborate hair do and a flower girl or a matron of honor. Captain Janeway didn't even have a husband.

But apparently, Kathryn Janeway had all of that.

"Captain, you look beautiful." B'Elanna, her bump draped with a pale green tea length dress, came into the room with them. "You're going to knock everyone's socks off."

Kathryn smiled wryly. "I'll assume that's an expression you've picked up from your husband. And thank you, B'Elanna." She hesitated. Starfleet captains were supposed to maintain some distance from the officers who served under them, but really, she wasn't B'Elanna's commanding officer anymore. There was no reason for them not to be friendlier with each other. "B'Elanna…I'm not your captain anymore. I would actually rather not be called that. Voyager's not my ship, and a captain isn't a captain without a ship."

"Voyager was always your ship." B'Elanna smiled. "Even once Tuvok was officially given command, it still always felt like your ship."

"Thank you, B'Elanna. But you _are_ my matron of honor. I think calling me Kathryn would be more than appropriate."

B'Elanna opened her mouth to argue, but then closed it seeing the look on Kathryn's face. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask. Well, it looks like we're all ready." Kathryn looked out the viewport and smiled. "It looks like a beautiful day."

"That was so much fun, landing the ship!" Katie said. "Edward and me stared out the window the whole time."

"It was exciting, wasn't it?" she smiled at her daughter. "I remember the first time we landed this ship. It was a little unnerving."

"It was at that." B'Elanna said. "It was rare to feel Voyager shake like that."

"Unless we were under attack."

"Unless that, yeah."

"Okay, no talking about attacks on Kathryn's wedding day!" Gretchen said in a singsong voice. "Let's get going here. Computer, how much of the crew is left on the ship?"

"T_here are fifteen crew members on board"_

"Is Commander Chakotay still on board?"

_"Negative."_

"There you see? They're probably all waiting for us. We should get going." She threw a sly look at her daughter. "You know, hundreds of years ago, a mother would have a little chat with her daughter on her wedding day. She would tell her what…attentions to expect from her husband on her wedding night. Perhaps I should sit you down and have a little chat with you."

"Oh, yes please, let's do that." Kathryn said sarcastically. "Because my two children were created through Immaculate Conception, and honestly I have no idea what to expect."

"What's that mean?" Katie asked.

"Never mind. Grandma's just being silly." She shot Gretchen a look. "Come on, honey. Let's go get Mommy married."

* * *

Chakotay tapped his foot nervously as he waited in the clearing with the rest of the crew. Every now and then Tom would pat his shoulder, and he would calm down for a minute or two, but then the tapping would start up again. He couldn't believe he was so nervous. It was ridiculous. He was getting married, not facing a firing squad…or a Cardassian. In fact, he hadn't ever been this nervous, even when he _was_ facing a Cardassian. 

He gazed around at the set up Tuvok had surprised him with. Honestly, he hadn't remembered the Vulcan being so…human. But he supposed the past seven years – the war, the loss of life, the bonding with one crew, and the aftermath of it all – had done more to humanize him than anything that came before. The fact that he had arranged all this showed a side to him that Chakotay hadn't expected existed. But then, Tuvok always did have a soft spot for Kathryn.

They were having the wedding in the clearing where their house had stood just a day or two ago. Since Voyager had come for them, the crew assigned to clean up had been thorough in their duty. Nothing remained of seven years of their lives; it was all disassembled in Cargo Bay 2. The house – the original modular shelter and the wooden extensions -, the woodshop he built three years ago, the shuttle Kathryn had been housed in, the playhouse for the kids, all of it was gone. Even the gardens had been transformed back to the plain ground it had been seven years ago. Indeed, it looked as though they had never lived there.

Chakotay might have been upset about it if he had seen it before Tuvok had ordered the 'modifications', as he put it. But what he saw now made up for it. He knew that the life he had lived here with Kathryn and their children couldn't be forgotten just because the setting no longer existed; if that were the case, his entire childhood would have been forgotten, because he knew the village where he grew up had been destroyed. It didn't matter how many houses he lived in or how many times he moved around. It was the memories he took with him, and he knew that the memories he had made on New Earth would be with him forever. So while he felt a twinge of sadness to see his home was gone, he was gratified that this would be the place where he and Kathryn would be joined together. _God, Chakotay,_ he thought wryly. _Grow a pair and stop being a sap._

But it was hard for him not to be a little 'sappy', especially on his wedding day, and especially after what Tuvok had done to the clearing. Shimmering ribbons were draped throughout the trees around the clearing, and much of the ground was covered with red and white rose pedals. A large white arch was wrapped with pink climbing roses. A flower strewn aisle made its way from the entrance of the clearing to the arch, bisecting the white chairs for the crew to sit in. It was simple, yet elegant. He was sure Kathryn would like it, and he was rather impressed that Tuvok had arranged it all.

The foot tapping continued. Tom patted him on the back, but this time it didn't work. Tom sighed.

"All right, old man. I know its a little nerve wracking, but you really need to knock it off with that foot tapping."

"I can't help it." Chakotay hissed. "Something will go wrong. Something always does."

"Nothing will go wrong. You'll get married and we'll head back to Earth. Happily ever after, Chakotay."

Chakotay snorted. "Right. That's what I thought when she was pregnant."

"And it happened, didn't it? It might have taken five years, but you've finally gotten everything right, haven't you?"

Chakotay glared at Tom. "I appreciate what you're doing, but things like this never go right, for either one of us. Her track record and mine speak for themselves."

"You're reading too much into things. I didn't exactly have the best track record either, and look at me now. I'm very happily married. I'm very happy with my life…now. We went through a lot of tough times, just like you and Captain Janeway, but everything worked out. You'll see."

Chakotay rolled his head and heard his neck crack. He winced. "We'll see."

Tuvok came walking through the crowd which had already formed to join them under the arch. "Are you ready, Commander?"

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be." He said nervously.

Tuvok raised an eyebrow high on his forehead. "Indeed." He tapped his combadge. "Tuvok to Commander Torres. Are you ready to proceed?"

_"We're on our way."_

Tuvok nodded to Harry, who was off to the side with the band he had put together several years ago. Harry gestured to them, and they prepared themselves to play. Chakotay nudged Edward, who had been standing next to him fidgeting silently and keeping an iron hold on the little pillow in his hands. He looked up and smiled at his father.

"Do you want to go wait for them so you can walk with your sister?"

Edward shook his head. "No, Daddy. I want to stay here with you."

"Are you sure? You'll get lots of attention."

"Katie would like that better than me." His son said, grinning.

Chakotay grinned back and ran a hand over Edward's head. Then his gaze headed over to the clearing opening, and his foot started tapping again.

"Commander, I am detecting apprehension in your demeanor. There is nothing to worry about. The ship is on lock down, and this is the logical conclusion to your relationship with Captain Janeway." Tuvok said evenly.

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Like I told you when you first got here, logic doesn't have much to do with it, Tuvok."

"All human men are nervous before getting shackled, Tuvok." Tom said cheerfully. "If you'll recall, I was a nervous wreck."

"Yes." Tuvok said, almost sardonically. "A wreck is exactly how you could have been described."

Tom winked at Chakotay. "He's just bitter because of all the Romulan Ale we got him to drink at the bachelor party. That reminds me…when we get home, we all owe you a night of carousing and debauchery."

Chakotay let out a short laugh. "Run that by Kathryn and see what she says."

"Umm….no thanks, never mind."

_"Torres to Tuvok."_

"Yes, Commander?"

_"We're at the entrance to the clearing."_

"Acknowledged." Tuvok signaled to Harry, and the band began to play Pachelbel's Canon. The crew quieted down and turned to watch the procession.

B'Elanna came walking out first. She smiled gracefully at everyone, and made her way to stand opposite Tom. She smiled reassuringly at Chakotay, recognizing the expression on his face as the one of near-horror that most grooms wore. She was followed by Katie, who was taking her role as flower girl to the limit, prancing and posing and beaming at the crowd. They were eating it up, oohing and ahhing and altogether making the little girl's day. Tom leaned over and whispered to Chakotay. "You'd better watch out, old man. Before you know it, she's going to be a vid star and there'll be no downsizing that ego." Chakotay smirked, but all the same he couldn't help being just as awed by his beautiful little girl. He watched as she liberally tossed pink rose pedals out of a little white basket. She took her time making it to the arch at the front, as she greeted nearly everyone she passed and even took the time to stop and shake some hands. _Tom is right_, Chakotay thought. _She's turning into a little ham. Next thing I know, she'll be in public office or something._

Katie finally made it up to B'Elanna, but not before grinning at her father and practically shouting "Hi, Daddy!", at which the crew laughed gently. Then, the music changed to the traditional 'Wedding March' (at Gretchen's insistence and Kathryn's chagrin), and all eyes were watching for the bride.

As much as Gretchen had insisted on tradition, Kathryn had also insisted on her own little concessions. Her father wasn't there to 'give her away', so to speak, so she had asked that her mother have that honor. Gretchen had been slightly unsure, but Kathryn had merely rolled her eyes and stated that plenty of mothers walked their daughters down the aisle, and that her mother was being ridiculously archaic. So Gretchen grudgingly gave in, and now she appeared with her daughter, their arms linked and identical smiles on their faces.

The crewmembers who served under Captain Janeway had _never_ seen her like this, so she wasn't surprised to hear an audible gasp of shock rise from the crowd. The shock quickly wore off though, and she received nothing but warm and encouraging smiles as she made her way to the arch. She caught Chakotay's eye, and for the rest of the ceremony, they didn't stop looking at one another.

The ceremony went by quickly, and it incorporated characteristics not only from Starfleet and the Federation, but from Kathryn's Christian background and Chakotay's tribal one. There were several Mayan blessings spoken, and a parable that they had asked Neelix to read. Kathryn was glad for that, because she had felt guilty that they weren't having a traditional ceremony in the way of Chakotay's people. But he had insisted that this be mostly the way her mother wanted it. "After all, my parents aren't here for us to please. She's here, and she's already upset that we're not waiting to get home so she can throw an elaborate wedding. Let's indulge her. It's the least we can do. When we get home, we can have a small tribal ceremony with my remaining family if you'd like. But I'm honestly okay with this. It doesn't matter to me how we get married, as long as we do. Let your mom have this. As long as I have you, I don't care."

They spoke their own vows, and exchanged the slim silver rings that were resting on Edward's little pillow. Harry played a hauntingly beautiful clarinet solo for them, Tuvok said a few more words, and before they knew it, the crew was cheering as Tuvok pronounced them husband and wife, and Chakotay soundly kissed the bride. He pulled away from her, the crowd still clapping and cheering, and smiled at her. "Finally." He whispered.

"Not a moment too soon." She whispered back.

The chairs were quickly assembled around tables transported from Voyager, and Neelix had the buffet transported down. The band played, there was dancing, eating, champagne toasts and laughing. Kathryn even followed the age old tradition of tossing the bouquet. It was caught by a young ensign in life sciences, and she blushed to the roots of her dark hair, and was of course subjected to some good natured ribbing. The crew hadn't had much chance for downtime lately, so this was really a relief for them. And Kathryn and Chakotay hadn't been around a crowd of people in many years, so it was a welcome change, the beginning of many new welcome changes, they hoped. As for Katie and Edward, they had _never_ been around a crowd of people before. They had never been to a party, or really danced much to music. They had never seen a band in person. Kathryn watched them as she danced with her husband, watching as they twirled around with Neelix's little grandson. She felt a momentary pang of sadness for all they had been denied. They hadn't just been living without a mother; they had been living without socialization. It was no wonder Katie never kept her mouth shut. She was probably making up for all the years of having only her brother and father to talk to. _I'll make it up to them,_ she promised silently. _I'll give them everything they could ever hope for. I'll take them everywhere and show them everything. They'll always be happy._

"A credit for your thoughts, wife." Chakotay murmured in her ear.

She smiled. "Is that all they're worth?"

"They're worth every star in the universe."

"Ugh. What are you turning into?"

"Only what you made me." They laughed. "Really, what are you thinking so hard about?" He twirled her under his arm and then pulled her close again. "You looked like you were solving a calculus equation."

"Nothing so mind intensive, I assure you. No, I was thinking about the kids. I can't wait to get them back to the Federation. I feel so guilty that they haven't had other kids to play with."

He stroked her back. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. None of this was either of our faults. It was just fate, Kathryn."

She smiled up at him. "Well, from where I'm standing now, it looks like fate turned out pretty well."

* * *

The crew transported back to Voyager just before sunrise. It had been a long, fun filled night. The dancing and merrymaking had gone on for hours, and no one had wanted to break it up. Little by little people trickled back to the ship, until finally, Tuvok and the Janeway's were the only one's left. 

"Well, Kathryn. I think I'll head back with Tuvok." Gretchen said, yawning. "I'm getting too old to be doing this."

"Captain, Commander. We'll be breaking orbit in a few hours. If you feel the need to…spend a few last moments here, I suggest you do it now. I'll be having everything transported up shortly."

"Thank you, Tuvok. For everything." Kathryn tentatively gave her Vulcan friend a hug, which he gingerly returned.

"No thanks are needed, Captain. Consider it a gift." He turned to Gretchen. "Mrs. Janeway?"

Gretchen gave her daughter and son-in-law a hug, then brushed a kiss on the forehead of each child asleep on two nearby chairs. Then she nodded to Tuvok.

"Tuvok to Voyager. Two to beam up."

They watched as they disappeared in two rays of blue light. Then Kathryn sighed and looked around the clearing. "It's hard to believe we lived here once. It's even harder for me to believe all the years you lived here without me."

Chakotay wrapped his arms around her. "I never want to live without you again."

"Not if I can help it." She kissed him briefly, then nodded towards the twins. "What should we do with them?'

He glanced at the sky. "The sun will be rising in a minute or two. Let's wake them up, so we can watch this last sunrise as a family."

She nodded, and picked up Edward while he picked up Katie. The children moaned and squirmed, but they were eventually able to get them on their feet. Edward squinted up at his mother with displeasure. "Mommy, why can't we ever sleep?"

"You can sleep when we go back to the ship. But we're going to be leaving soon. Don't you want to say good-bye to this planet?"

"Yes." He said. Katie nodded sleepily.

"Good." Chakotay pulled some chairs over to the opening of the clearing, which overlooked a hilly valley below. "Come on, let's sit down and watch."

Katie climbed onto her mother's lap while Edward sat on his father's. Each child snuggled up to a parent. The early morning was mildly chilly, and tiny puffs of air could be seen as they breathed. As they watched, the last of the stars disappeared and the sun began to rise above the hills, so similar to the sunrises on Earth, but so different because Kathryn and Chakotay knew it wasn't the same. They knew they didn't really belong here; it had been a home for a little while, but now their real home was waiting.

"Mommy?" Katie asked softly. "Will we ever come back?"

"I don't know, Katie. But you'll always remember this place. It was our first home together, and even though I couldn't really share it with you, I was still here."

Chakotay hugged his son closer and leaned his head against Kathryn's. "You know guys, there's a belief in my tribe that everywhere you go, you leave a little piece of yourself behind, like an echo. I think that a part of all of us will always live on here. Even though our house is gone and there's nothing left to show we lived here, I know that one day, whoever lives here next will know that we were happy. And we were happy, weren't we?'

"_We_ were, Daddy." Edward said. "You weren't, not until Mommy woke up."

Kathryn looked at her husband with tears in her eyes. "Well, I'm awake now." She said softly.

"And now we can all be happy." He whispered.

They finished watching the sun rise. Finally, the blue sky was completely overhead, and they could hear the birds twittering around in the trees. They knew it was time to go.

They stood up, each of them with a child in their arms. "Say good-bye, kids." Chakotay said hoarsely. "Remember our first home. I think it'll always remember us."

The twins said sleepy good-byes, and Chakotay locked eyes with Kathryn. "Good-bye," they both said. They gazed once more upon the land that had been theirs for so many years. Then Kathryn tapped her combadge, and a few moments later, they disappeared in a blue haze.

_TBC_


	23. Chapter 23

It was fourteen hundred hours when Tuvok alerted all hands that they were about to break orbit, and to prepare for entry into transwarp. Chakotay and Kathryn, after having a short nap with the children, left them in Gretchen's care and made their way to the bridge. Again, they were honored when the entire bridge crew rose to their feet, and all Kathryn could do was suppress an amused smile and say "At ease". She nodded to Tuvok, who surprised her when he and Tom rose from their chairs and gestured for her and Chakotay to take them.

"Oh, no Tuvok. We couldn't. It's been so long and I don't know anything about transwarp…"

"We won't be going to transwarp until we clear this system. Please, Captain. It would honor me if you and Commander Chakotay took your rightful place on this bridge."

"Well…all right. Thank you, Tuvok. But only until we leave the system."

"Of course." Tuvok turned to Tom. "Commander, the helm, if you would."

Tom's face all but lit up. "Of course, sir." Kathryn could swear he was almost gleeful when he relieved the helmsman. Tuvok took his former place at tactical, and privately pondered why it felt so right to be there. Harry moved from Tactical to Ops. Kathryn gazed around and had to fight the tears pricking at her eyelids. It was almost like old times.

Chakotay sat in his chair and wiggled around a little. "Still feels the same." He grinned at his wife. "Go on, Captain. It won't bite."

She gave him her patented Janeway glare, which of course didn't work anymore. His grin only grew wider. She ran her hand over the familiar contours of the captain's chair, relishing the feel of it after all these years. It was like an old friend to her. She eased herself into the chair, and she could feel herself connect with her ship once more. How had she been thinking of giving this up? She had only sat in the chair and all her old instincts sprang to life.

"Commander," She said, her voice confident and strong and every bit as commanding as it had been the last time she sat there. "Do all departments report ready?"

Chakotay's fingers flew over his console as if they had never left. "All departments report ready, Captain."

"Mr. Paris, prepare to break orbit. Lay in a course…" she glanced at Chakotay and smiled softly. "Lay in a course for home."

"Course laid in."

Kathryn gazed at the image on the viewscreen. The planet revolved slowly, and it looked so similar to Earth that it made her want to weep. But of course, it wasn't Earth. It wasn't home, not really. She felt Chakotay's hand slide on top of hers, and she turned to him with a grateful smile. She was sad, but she imagined that maybe he was a little sadder. He had raised their children on that world. He was truly saying good-bye to a home. She squeezed his hand. "Are you ready?" she whispered.

He turned now to look at New Earth. A small sigh escaped his lips. "Yes. Yes, I'm ready."

"Mr. Paris…Warp 4. Engage."

"Yes, _ma'am_." Tom said cheekily. Kathryn smiled.

She felt the familiar power of the warp engines coming to life through the decks. It was a feeling one never really forgot, no matter how long they were away from it. It was as if no time had passed at all. She and Chakotay were in their command chairs, right where it seemed they had always been.

The ship was seconds away from warp when the first shot was felt.

Voyager lurched with the blast, and sparks flew across the bridge. It had been years since any weapons fire had damaged the ship, and years since her crew had seen combat, but they immediately launched into action. Kathryn leapt from her chair, and Chakotay bellowed "Shields up, red alert!", while Tuvok began to compensate for the damage and Harry attempted to get sensor information on the ship which had fired.

"What happened? Who fired on us?" Kathryn shouted over the din. She coughed as she took in a whiff of smoke from an EPS conduit which had exploded. The shot had certainly been effective.

Harry's face paled and he looked up. "Five ships just de-cloaked off the port bow. The configuration has been updated, but they appear to be Viddian."

The silence on the bridge was punctuated only by the red alert klaxons. Then the ship was hit by another volley of firepower. "Evasive action! Target their weapons and shields!" Kathryn ordered. In the back of her mind she wondered if the children and her mother were all right, but she immediately shut that voice off. Now wasn't the time.

"Direct hit to the lead ship. No effect." Tuvok said.

"Initiate attack pattern Omega. Tom, try to get on the other side of those ships. See if you can use the planet's gravity against them."

"Aye, Captain."

Tom flew Voyager in a graceful arch around the Viddian ships, and Tuvok fired phasers and quantum torpedoes as he did. The last time the Viddians encountered Voyager, the ship had only been equipped with photon torpedoes. These Viddian ships, which seemed to be familiar with Voyager's systems, were unprepared for the force of the torpedoes and two of them immediately broke off their attacks. But the other three were still coming.

The fight continued, with the three Viddian ships pounding on Voyager, but with Voyager returning superior firepower. Tom evaded much of the weapons fire, and it seemed as if they were making headway, when all of a sudden three new ships came out of warp.

"Tuvok?" Kathryn shouted.

"The ships appear to be Kazon."

Chakotay felt as if he was going to lose his breakfast all over the bridge. He looked at his wife, and saw something rare in her eyes: fear. His children's faces flashed in his mind.

"We're being hailed." Harry said quietly.

"Captain, we must keep up the appearance that you are in command." Tuvok said suddenly and forcefully. "If these are Kazon we've met in the past, we can't let them have the advantage of knowing the events of the last seven years. If they know that you are unused to being in command, they would use that information against you, and against the entire crew and the ship."

"Agreed. Onscreen." Kathryn said.

The viewscreen flickered from the damage the ship had taken, then the picture coalesced into a face most of them had hoped never to see again.

"Hello, Chakotay."

_TBC_

Dun Dun Dunnnnn...


	24. Chapter 24

Chakotay stared in horror at the viewscreen. "Seska," he breathed. "What are you doing here?"

Seska raised an eyebrow. "What am _I_ doing here? You're the one violating the borders of the Kazon-Viddian Empire. My question is, what are _you_ doing here? We haven't seen or heard anything about Voyager for seven years. I must say, I was disappointed. I had looked forward to seeing you again. Imagine my surprise when I learned that a survey ship had detected your warp signature. Believe me, both the Kazon and the Viddians have eagerly awaited the day that they could repay the crew of Voyager for their actions against them." He gaze rested on Kathryn. "I see not much has changed. You're still Captain Janeway's little lackey, aren't you?"

Chakotay ran a hand through his hair. "We're just trying to get home, Seska."

"Still singing that same old song?" Her eyes narrowed. "What's that on your hand? Is that…is that one of those wedding rings? My, my, are you married, Chakotay? Well, this is cause for celebration. Who's the lucky lady?"

"No one you know." He said coldly.

"While I'm sure this is a very happy reunion," Kathryn said sarcastically. "Perhaps we can arrange a cease fire. I'd be interested to know about this…Kazon-Viddian Empire."

"Oh, we can arrange a cease fire, Captain." Seska said pleasantly. "But it won't end in any fashion other than the surrender of your ship."

"You know I can't do that, Seska." Kathryn said quietly.

"What you can and can't do is not my concern, Captain. I can tell you what you will be doing, and that is surrendering unconditionally. Out of the goodness of my heart, I might let your people live, but you all belong to us now, as does Voyager."

"We just want to go home." Kathryn said firmly. "Let us leave this system, and I can promise you won't see or hear from us again."

Seska tilted her head and smiled indulgently at Kathryn. "Captain, Captain...I don't know why seven years has gone by without seeing or hearing from you, but I intend to find out. Don't worry, _I _won't hurt you…" she shrugged. "But I can't make any promises about the Viddian's, or about Maj Cullah."

"Seska, please." Chakotay said, a note of desperation entering his voice. "I have…I have children. Please don't do this."

The expression on her face changed. "Children? You?"

"Yes. Twins. They're five…please, I know you're not a monster, Seska."

She regarded him for a moment, and then examined Kathryn. Her expression turned to one of disbelief. "You're their mother, aren't you?" she laughed. "Oh, I don't believe it! You took your first officer to bed! How very…un-Starfleet of you!"

"Why do you think it's me?" Kathryn asked evenly.

"Because you have the same look on your face as I did when my son was taken from me. They do that here, you know. They take the boys at five years old to train them. I haven't seen him in more than a year." Seska said harshly. "You have the look of a mother who would protect her child. I can respect that. Your children will not be harmed, Chakotay. You're right, I'm not a monster. I'll take them as my own if I have to. But you, your crew, and this ship are now property of the Kazon-Viddian Empire. Prepare to be boarded."

_TBC_

I'll add more soon. In the meantime, if you have any questions or anything you'd like explained, please let me know. But I will of course be going more into depth about the Kazon-Viddian Empire in the next chapter. And if there's anything anyone would like in this story, let me know. I usually try to accommodate my readers' wishes. I hope you enjoyed it! More to come soon!


	25. Chapter 25

Sorry this took a little while, but preparing for my graduation party took every last second of my time. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. And I tried to use as little technobabble as possible, because I suck at it. So if anything doesn't make sense, chalk it up to my technobabble deficiency. Enjoy!

* * *

"I will not allow you to take my ship." Kathryn said forcefully.

"It's really not up for debate, Captain. As you can see, we clearly outnumber you."

"Our weapons are stronger. I'll blast a hole in every damn ship in this sector to get the hell out of here and back to Earth, and you know I will, Seska."

"Please, Captain, don't make grandiose threats." Seska narrowed her eyes. "_Why_ are you here? You still haven't said, and I don't buy that you're just on your way home. Even at minimum speeds, Voyager should be thousands of light years from here by now."

"Seska, I will fire on your ship. Don't make me have to give that order. You've seen what we can do."

"I have. And I look forward to overseeing the installation of your weapons on a fleet of Kazon ships. Now, stand down, Captain."

"Captain, they have us in a tractor beam!" Harry said. "I can't break out of it."

Seska smiled, nodding. "You see, you're not the only one with improved technology. It's amazing what a former engineer from a Starfleet ship, the Kazon's brutal fists, and the Viddians seemingly limitless resources can accomplish. You may have superior firepower, but I assure you, we are superior in every other way."

"Mute audio." Chakotay said in disgust. He turned to Tuvok. "Like Kathryn said, we're unfamiliar with the improvements on this ship. Is there any way we can go to transwarp…or even warp while held by their tractor beam?"

"No, Commander. Engaging transwarp engines will rip the ship apart. Mr. Kim, would we be able to go to warp, or is the beam too strong?"

Harry examined his console and punched in a few commands before shaking his head. "They're using some sort of rotating pulse in the tractor beam. I can't see any way to break free of it. The tractor emitter is heavily shielded."

Tuvok examined his console as well. "I believe if we focus our firepower on the modules at the bottom of the emitter, we may blow out the beam. It appears to have less shielding than the rest of the emitter."

"Do it." Kathryn ordered. Then she smiled sheepishly. "Forgive me, Tuvok. Old habits."

"No forgiveness is necessary. This is your ship for the duration, Captain. As I said, it would be unwise for Seska and her comrades to be aware of your extended absence. I have already transferred command to you. I did so as soon as I saw that our opponent was Seska."

"All right." She said softly. "Target the module and…what does she want now?" Kathryn caught sight of Seska waving pleasantly on the view screen. "Resume audio. Yes, Seska?"

"Captain, this is really becoming somewhat irritating. Regardless of your fancy weapons, if we all target out weapons on you, you'll probably do something unpleasant, like blow up. Isn't it better to choose life, Captain? Come now, be reasonable. Stand down and we'll have a nice little chit chat."

"I don't think so. Tuvok, fire!"

Tuvok fired the quantum torpedoes and phasers at the apparent weakness in the tractor emitter. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, suddenly, Voyager shook violently. Seska laughed as they all attempted to gain their bearings.

"Oh, I knew you would do that! Do you really think I'd leave a vital area of my ship exposed?"

"Captain, weapons are offline." Tuvok said.

Kathryn felt her heart sink as Seska shook a finger at her. "You always think you're a step ahead of me, Captain. Well, I'm about five ahead of you. When you fired on that module, it emitted a feedback pulse that knocked out your weapons. Now, I suggest you lower your shields while we discuss the terms of your surrender. Oh, and have your children on the bridge when I get there. I'd love to meet them."

"I don't think so, Seska." Kathryn said coldly.

Seska's face hardened. "Have them on the bridge, Captain. I'm sure you'd rather they be with me than found by one of my Kazon warriors. And I suggest that any other children on board be there as well. I won't tolerate any insolence from you, any of you. But I won't let harm come to the children. After all…" she sneered. "It's not like they had a choice to be born in the _Federation_. Why make them pay for the arrogance of their parents?" She smiled sweetly. "Lower your shields. I'll be beaming over in a moment. Yes, that's right. We have transporters. And replicators, too. You'll find we're just full of surprised. See you soon, Chakotay." She let her gaze linger on him, and then the view screen blinked off.

Kathryn stared in shock at the viewscreen, and then her expression changed. "Once upon a time, I would have given the order for self destruct rather than see this ship in the hands of the Kazon." She addressed the bridge crew. "But I've become something of a pragmatist in my old age. There's always a way out, and if we have to suffer a little mistreatment from the Kazon's in the meantime, well. We've been through worse. We have to find out as much as we can. We have to find weaknesses. For instance, why," she said thoughtfully. "Is Seska so focused on the children remaining safe?"

"She did say her son was taken from her. Maybe she really has grown a soft pot." Tom said from the helm.

"I am interested in how the Kazon and Viddians came to form an alliance…and I am curious as to how they developed such sophisticated cloaking systems." Tuvok said. "We did not detect them until they were right on top of us."

Kathryn tapped her chin. "Maybe we can use that to our advantage." She murmured.

"What, the cloaks?" Chakotay asked.

She looked up at him. "No. The children. Maybe we can get through to her somehow." She looked around the bridge. "I'm so sorry, everyone. I feel as if this is all my fault. If you hadn't come back to get us, and if your schedule hadn't been delayed because of me, you all wouldn't be in this mess right now."

"The fault is not yours." Tuvok said, and all the other officers on the bridge nodded. "It was our choice to retrieve you both, and I believe we would all do it again, no matter the consequences. None of us were to know the turn today would take. Now all we can do is find a way to thwart Seska and her comrades. And I believe you are right to look toward the children. Seska is behaving very much out of character, and they may be the key to using that behavior to our advantage."

Kathryn smiled gratefully at him. "Bridge to Gretchen Janeway."

_"I'm here, Kathryn. What's been going on? Are we under attack?"_

"I'll explain later. Please bring the children to the bridge."

"_All right,"_ Gretchen said hesitantly.

"Bridge to Neelix."

"_Captain Janeway? Are those Kazon ships out there?"_

"There's no time to explain, Neelix. I need you to get your daughter and grandson and bring them here immediately. Trust me, they'll be fine. But only if they're here."

"_Of course, Captain. We're on our way."_

"I've been meaning to ask," Kathryn leaned in to Chakotay. "Why is she on board with her child?"

"Her husband is a security officer. Tuvok told me before that she received special permission to come along, and Voyager is something of a golden ship back home, considered in as high a ranking as the Enterprise. Starfleet tends to grant most requests coming from this ship, and when Lieutenant Ross requested his wife and child be allowed to come on this mission, they were happy to comply."

She raised an eyebrow. "How unlike Starfleet."

"From what I understand, the war changed a lot."

"Captain, Seska is hailing again." Harry said, trace of annoyance in his voice.

"Oh, my God, what does she want now? Put her through." Kathryn snapped.

Seska's face appeared again. "Captain," she said shortly. "Lower your shields. Don't make me have to blast them down." The viewscreen blinked off again.

"Fine, we'll play this her way. But I want you all to be thinking of options." She paused. "Anyone thought of any yet?"

The bridge was quiet. Kathryn sighed. "Bridge to Torres."

"_Torres here, Captain." _

"We need some workable options here, or in another minute we're going to be flooded with Kazon invaders. How are things down there?"

"_We have busted relays all over the place, Captain. We still have warp drive, but if we can't get out of this tractor beam, it won't do us much good."_

"I want you to lock out all systems, especially the transwarp drive. We can't hide it from them, but we can sure as hell make it difficult for them to figure it out.

"_We're on it, Captain."_

"Good. B'Elanna, Seska has agreed that the children on this ship are not to be harmed, and for some reason, I'm inclined to believe her. I want you up here. Since you're pregnant, I think she'll see that you're treated properly. I also want to you with them to use her interest in the children to our advantage. See if they can soften her up."

"_I really think I would be of better use down here…"_

"Commander, that's an order." Tuvok chimed in. "Report to the bridge."

"_Yes, sir."_

"Harry, send Seska a message that we're preparing for her arrival. And open a channel to the entire ship."

"Done, and done. Channel open."

She met Tuvok's eyes and he nodded at her. "All hands, this is Captain Janeway. In a few moments we will be boarded by the Kazon. Unfortunately, they are significantly more advanced than they were when last we met. Follow their instructions and try to stick together. We will find a way out of this, but for the time being, don't give them any reason to make the situation worse. I expect you all to behave like Starfleet officers. Don't lose hope. Janeway out." She signaled to Harry, who nodded and closed the channel.

The turbolift doors opened, and Gretchen, Neelix, Alixia and the twins piled out. Each twin ran to a parent, and Gretchen approached them, her face lined with worry. "Kathryn?" she asked tremulously. "Boarded?"

Kathryn ran a hand over her daughter's head and tried to keep the tears at bay. She had lost so much for so long, and now she was in danger of losing it again. _Why can't fate just leave us be?_, she thought angrily. "I'm afraid it's true. They took us completely by surprise."

Chakotay sat in his chair and he pulled both children towards him. "I want you to listen to me very carefully," he said sternly. "And I don't want any arguments. There are some people who…don't agree with us. They're going to be coming on the ship, and there's the possibility you might be separated from the adults. But I don't want you to put up a fuss." He held up a hand as Katie started to speak. "_No_, Katie. It's very, very important that you follow instructions and take care of each other. You'll probably be in the care of a woman named Seska. She won't hurt you, not if you behave. These are not nice people. I'm not trying to scare you. I just need you to know that this isn't a game, and throwing a fit isn't going to help. And I need you to keep an eye on Benaren." He glanced at Alixia, who was holding her son tight to her chest as Tuvok explained what was happening to her and Neelix. "He's younger than you, so he'll be much more upset. Take care of him, all right?"

The twins' eyes were now filled with tears. "But Daddy," Katie wept. "Why won't we be with you?"

"It's just for now, Katie. Mommy and I will be trying to get us out of this, okay? So don't worry, and listen to what Seska tells you. Everything will be okay." He pulled them towards him and hugged them tightly, then released them and allowed Kathryn to hug them. She, too, kneeled down and stared into their wet eyes.

"There's one more thing. We don't want Seska or her people to know that we've been living here. Pretend that you grew up on Voyager. And don't act as smart as you are. It's better if she thinks that you don't know that much about what goes on around you."

"We have to lie?" Edward asked in a small voice.

"You have to protect yourselves. And us. If she knows that I haven't been the captain all this time, she'll…well, it won't be good. So just do that for me, okay?" She held them close and fought back the tears, and they wrapped their little arms around her neck.

"Okay, Mommy." They both said.

"Good kids." She ran a hand over both their heads, then stood up. She took a deep breath. "Drop shields."

A few moments later, Seska materialized in a beam of pale green light, along with three Viddians and five Kazon, all holding weapons. She smiled a sickly sweet smile at Kathryn and Chakotay. "Well, well, we meet again. Welcome to the Empire."

"Yes, I'd be interested in hearing all about that." Kathryn said.

"Well, I'm the person to talk to. I am, after all, the Empress."

"You always did have lofty goals, didn't you?" Chakotay said with contempt.

She shook her weapon at him and her mouth spread into a thin line. "I'd watch my mouth, if I were you. I'd hate to have to vaporize you in front of your precious urchins."

"Daddy," Katie whimpered, and wrapped her arms around her father's.

Seska's countenance softened, and she smiled gently at the children. "Don't worry, now. I wouldn't really do that. If your mommy and daddy do as they're told, everything will be just fine. But for now, you're to come with me. I promise, I'll take good care of you."

Edward held Kathryn's hand so tightly that she felt his nails cut into her skin. "We want to stay with Mommy and Daddy." He said softly.

"You'll see them soon. But Mommy and Daddy have business to conduct, so I'm going to send you to a playroom on my ship. There will be a nice lady there who will take good care of you until I go back. Will you be good children and do as you're told?"

Kathryn, astounded at the maternal kindness in Seska's voice, looked down at the children and nodded comfortingly to them. "They'll go with you, won't you, darlings? Go to her ship and play until she comes to get you. We'll be fine."

Katie and Edward reluctantly left the safety of their parents to approach Seska. Neelix had to remove Benaren from Alixia, who cried softly and wouldn't give him up. He brought his grandson down and placed him standing next to Katie, who immediately grasped the toddler's hand. Neelix stood up and faced Seska, his hatred for her and the Kazon burning in his eyes. "This is my grandson, Seska." He said through his teeth. "If anything happens to him, I'll tear your from limb to limb myself."

Seska rolled her eyes. "Calm down, rodent. I'm not in the business of killing babies." Her head snapped up as the turbolift doors opened and B'Elanna stepped out. "Well, this is a happy reunion! Look at that maternal glow! I didn't ever think I'd see the day."

"I'd like for B'Elanna to go with the children, Seska." Kathryn said. "She's in an advanced stage of pregnancy, and the children know her. Please. Let her go with them."

Seska tilted her head and grinned at her old friend. "Did you miss me, B'Elanna? Did you miss those nights I would tell you of my lovemaking with Chakotay, and you would salivate with envy? Hm? Or has he been going to you on the side and the child is his? I wouldn't be surprised if Janeway bored him to tears and he had to look for new meat elsewhere. And your hot Klingon blood is just what he was looking for, wasn't it?"

Tom, who was being held at phaser point by a Kazon, lunged forward. "You foul mouthed, back stabbing-"

Seska whirled around in surprise. "Why Tom Paris, what has gotten into you? What happened to the rebellious rascal I once knew? Why, you look positively old!"

"Losing a child can do that to you." He said grimly.

She flinched. "I suppose it can. Now tell me, why are you jumping to defend this little Maquis' honor?"

"She's my wife." He said through clenched teeth.

Seska's eyes widened and she laughed. "Well, I am learning _so_ much today! I have to tell you, this is not how I would have expected your lives to play out. Well, B'Elanna, I'll take pity on your inflated form and let you go with the cherubs." She chuckled and shook her head in amusement. "B'Elanna and Tom, Janeway and Chakotay. What will you people throw at me next?" She curled her lip in disgust. "Ugh, Captain Janeway. Honestly, Chakotay. You would have been better off with a Borg drone or something."

"I think not." He said stiffly.

"Oh, relax, darling. Isn't this fun? All of us, together again." She pulled a few objects out of a pocket on her jumpsuit, and Kathryn could see they were small circles of silver. She placed one on B'Elanna, Katie, Edward and Benaren, then tapped a panel on her wrist. "This is Seska. Lock on to the signal enhancers and transport to Deck four, Section 10."

"_Acknowledged."_

Kathryn and Chakotay watched in horror as their children disappeared, and they heard Alixia's weeping increase in volume behind them. Kathryn glared at Seska. "Well, you got what you wanted. Now tell us your terms."

Seska smiled cruelly. She gestured to her guards. "Keep an eye on all of them. Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, Paris and Kim. Let's all go pow-wow in the good Captain's ready room. That is how your people say it, isn't it, Chakotay?"

Chakotay glared at her in disgust. "No, Seska."

She shrugged. "Hm. Come on, now." She gestured with her phaser. "Move it along."

* * *

B'Elanna materialized in a garden. There were exotic flowers and trees and lovely little stone paths leading to reflecting pools. She knew it wasn't real, because when she looked up, she was greeted by a pinkish sky and the glow of an amber sun. Unless she had been transported farther than she thought, this was all some sort of holodeck.

The children looked around tentatively, and B'Elanna smiled down at them. "Don't worry. Everything will be okay."

"It won't, you know." A voice said from behind them.

B'Elanna whirled around to see a figure partially hidden in the shadows of a tree. "Who are you? Where are we?"

"They'll kill everyone on your ship if they have their way. They might even take all of you. She'll try to protect you…but even she is not all powerful."

"Who are you?" B'Elanna whispered, pulling the children closer to her.

A woman stepped out of the shadows. The children gasped at her appearance, but it didn't faze B'Elanna. She studied her for a moment, then gasped. _"You!"_

* * *

They all stood near the dividing rail in the ready room, with Seska holding them there at gun point. "Seal the doors." She said softly.

Kathryn glanced at Tuvok, who nodded. "Computer, seal doors." She called. A chirp of recognition followed her request. "All right, you have us here, beaten. You've taken our children from us. What do you want? You have everything, it seems. Why do you even need Voyager?"

"The Viddian's will want your crew to harvest their organs."

"We'll destroy ourselves before we let the Viddians lay a hand on us." Kathryn hissed.

"Of that I have no doubt. In fact, I would suggest it." Seska frowned. "I tire of our alliance with them. I grow ill when I see them conquer world after world with our warriors, and butcher the conquered to serve their blood lust. I can understand why they do what they do, but I've never believed in killing innocents. Enemies, yes, but many of the worlds they decimate have no quarrel with any of us. I suppose as the years go by, I tire of the constant bloodshed. Maybe now I appreciate what it was like to be on a Starfleet ship. Most certainly, I appreciate the serenity of Cardassia. I am so tired," she said, pronouncing each word with distinction. "Of living among thugs. Cardassian's are more…eloquent in their warfare. Intelligent. What the Kazons lack in intelligence, the Viddian's make up for, but both races lack the…morals of the Cardassians."

"Isn't moral Cardassian something of an oxymoron?" Tom said snidely, his arms folded over his chest.

"Regardless of what you think," Seska snapped. "The Cardassian's have a system of morals not unlike your own. Perhaps they're not as _good_ and _pure_ as _Starfleet's_ code of ethics, but we are not a barbaric race. We have culture, which is something the Kazon sorely lack and something the Viddian's have abandoned. In short, Captain, I want to go home. I want my son, and I want to go home, and you and your ship are going to get me there. I want out of this hell hole."

_TBC_


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: First of all, I want to thank everyone for being so patient while life has been kicking my tushie and denying me my writing time. I've gotten several PM's and reviews from loyal readers eager to continue with the story, and I apologize for the delay. I don't think I've updated since July or August. LOTS of things happening to interfere. My graduation party, vacation, searching for a job, finding a job, hating said job, finding another job, deciding working sucks and graduate school would be better, etc., etc., etc. So, without further ado, here is a little chapter to keep some of you momentarily satisfied. It's really only a filler chapter, but the next one will be longer and probably have action in it, I promise. Just keep in mind that life sucks lol and doesn't allow much time for hobbies. So, hope you like chp. 26!

* * *

Kathryn tentatively approached Seska. "You make an…emotional plea, Seska? To us?"

"Emotional?" Seska sneered. "Plea? No, Janeway. If I needed to, I could take this ship and go after Vaden on my own. I just know it would be easier if I had your crew doing the work for me."

"But that would involve leaving behind your warriors, wouldn't it? What makes you think that I wouldn't throw you right in the brig as soon as you were alone here?"

A slow, feral grin spread on Seska's face. "Oh, Kathryn, you were always too naïve for your own good," She said softly. "Computer, transfer all command codes to me, authorization Seska-Omicron-Sigma-Three."

"What the hell are you-"

_"Command codes transferred."_

"Computer, belay that order. Retain command codes for Kathryn Janeway, authorization Janeway-Alpha-Six-Five-Epsilon."

_"Those codes are not accepted."_

Seska looked at the stunned faces around her with satisfaction. "There. Now you'll cooperate."

"How…the _hell_ did you do that?" Kathryn seethed.

"Just a little something I left in the system before I ran off with Cullah," Seska smiled. "I also left some booby traps embedded in one of Tuvok's charming little holodeck programs. Did you ever find that?"

"No," Tuvok said dryly. "But I will be sure to take the appropriate actions now that I know."

"Oh, I'm sure you will," Seska said sarcastically. Then she clapped her hands together. "So. I'm in control of Voyager now. I suggest we all put our pretty little heads together and come up with a plan."

Harry slowly shook his head. "What happened to you, Seska? I respected you in the beginning. You were our friend!"

"I was never really anyone's friend, Kim," Seska said firmly. "I was there to spy on the Maquis and eventually make sure they were all destroyed."

"Well, all of the Maquis _were_ destroyed!" Tom burst out. "Thanks to the Cardassians and their puppeteers!"

Seska's eyes narrowed and Kathryn inwardly groaned as she realized the significance of Tom's statement. "Now, how would you know if they had been?" she asked suspiciously. Slowly, she sat down in a chair and tapped a fingernail on the table. "You would have had to have contact with the Alpha Quadrant to know if that had happened. You know, I think you're all leaving out a large chunk of the picture here, and no one has addressed it at all. It leads me to believe that you're intentionally misleading me."

"What are you talking about?" Harry scoffed.

Seska fixed her eyes on Harry, and they narrowed even more. "Three pips," she said softly. Her eyes wandered around the room until they reached Tuvok. "Command red, four pips." Her eyes fell on Kathryn and Chakotay. "No uniforms, no pips. How…unusual. I rarely recall the upstanding Captain Kathryn Janeway being on her bridge out of uniform. In fact, I don't think I _ever_ saw that in my time here. Anyone care to explain?"

No one spoke.

"Fine." She got up and stood next to the console panel on the wall. "Computer, display Voyager's flight plan for the last two months."

_"That information is restricted."_

"I am in command of Voyager. Display the information."

_"That information is restricted."_

"On whose authorization?"

_"Level ten clearance is needed."_

"Level ten?"

"Captain's eyes only." Kathryn said smugly. "You may have command, but the computer knows you are _not_ the captain."

Seska tilted her head. "Computer, who aboard Voyager is eligible for a level ten clearance?"

_"Captain Tuvok and Captain Kathryn Janeway."_

"How interesting! Two captains aboard one ship. How _very_ unusual. Everyone knows Starfleet captains are obsessively possessive of their ships and that they don't _share_. And Chakotay, it looks as though you were passed over for promotion. How very, very interesting." Seska's smile abruptly vanished and she glared around the room. "Somebody better start talking." Still, no one spoke. "Fine." Seska tapped her wrist. "Seska to Denaj."

_"Denaj here, your excellence."_

"The woman I transferred over with the children…I want you to kill her."

"No!" Tom shouted.

"Seska don't you dare have her harmed!" Kathryn said viciously. "If you kill her, none of us will cooperate, and you'll never see your son again as far as I'm concerned."

"Seska, don't," Tom said in a strangled voice. "I'll do whatever you want, just don't hurt her or the baby."

"You've gotten soft, Tom," Seska said harshly. "You were so much more interesting when you were _naughty_. Seska to Denaj, never mind. Leave the little lady where she is."

"_Yes, ma'am."_

"It's so nice to be in charge. Don't worry, I won't hurt either one of them, as long as I'm satisfied I've gotten the entire truth from you," She looked around the room and glared at them. "From _all_ of you."

* * *

"You remember me, B'Elanna? I'm flattered."

B'Elanna held the children tightly to her sides. "It would be hard to forget you, and your race…and what they did to me."

She stepped further out of the shadows. "I assume you're referring to the separation of your DNA. Yes, I was told of that incident. Klingon DNA is essential to curing the Phage. You would do well not to mention your lineage. Many of our scientists read the case report on you."

B'Elanna shivered as she remembered that period of her life, when she was separated from herself, weak and fragile and confused. Tom had been wonderful then, helping her get through it and protecting her. But she never wanted to feel like that again.

"What are you doing here? And who are these children?"

B'Elanna kept her eyes on the woman as she came fully into the light, and the children could see her completely for what she was. Katie's nails dug deeply into B'Elanna's hand, and Benaren whimpered. B'Elanna debated the wisdom of telling a Viddian that the captain's children were in her grasp, but then she remembered what a kind person this woman had been, and how much she and the Doctor had cared for each other.

"The twins are Katie and Edward, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay's children. This little boy is Neelix's grandson. Do you remember Neelix?"

She smiled. "That charming creature? How could I forget." She leveled a warm gaze on the children. "Hello, children. My name is Denara. Denara Pel."

_TBC...soon, I promise!_


	27. AN

I just wanted to let everyone know what's been taking so long with new chapters for this story…

I received a laptop computer for Christmas last year. Over the year, I've experienced a ridiculous amount of glitches and errors, finally forcing me to send it back to the company to be fixed. They returned it to me in even worse shape. I sent it back, against my better judgment, a second time. It was returned untouched and saying that I had declined repair, which was ridiculous considering I had never been notified to be able to decline anything. Now I'm waiting – in vain, it seems – for a replacement laptop. My current laptop is fried, and I am absolutely unable to retrieve information from it.

Guess where all my current work on Left Behind is locked up?

You guessed it: Inside that crappy laptop.

I have one more route to go before deciding once and for all that all my work is gone forever. Luckily I had backed up most of my work to my desktop the first time I sent the laptop in…unfortunately I neglected to do so after that, so when the computer very suddenly and unexpectedly crapped out on me, I was screwed.

If I can't retrieve my work, I'll have to start the next few chapters from scratch. But let's all keep our fingers crossed that I'll be able to get the info off the hard drive, and you'll all be treated to a new chapter of Left Behind within the next few days.

Again, sorry for the wait. I know how annoying it is when you want to read a new chapter of something, and you're waiting…in vain…like I am for my new laptop.

I would love to tell you the name of the awful company I got this laptop from, but I'm not sure if they would be able to sue me for that.

So let's wish me luck…tomorrow I'll know if I can get into my hard drive!!!


	28. Chapter 27

Ugh. Well, for those of you who know about the laptop saga, it continues, with little hope of relief. The replacement laptop ended up being defective, so now I'm getting a replacement for the replacement. I am currently waiting for a hard drive enclosure kit (because apparently the one I need is the only one not sold in stores) to recover data from the original laptop, but I was tired of waiting, so I decided to reconstruct chp. 27 from what I could remember. This is mostly the background on the Kazon-Vidiian Empire...next chapter will have some action. Like explosions and whatnot. Sorry if this isn't up to par, things have been ridic crazy.

* * *

"First, we need some reassurances," Kathryn said firmly. "I won't hand over what may be our only bargaining chip unless I have control of my ship back. You have my children; I'm hardly going to double cross you with their safety at risk."

Seska considered her with a long look. She stared at her so long that Tom shifted uncomfortably in his seat and gave a small cough. She glared at him and turned her attention back to Kathryn.

"If you do anything – look at me funny, whisper anything to anyone, _breathe_ differently – it'll be on your children's heads, do you understand me? I'm not a baby killer by nature, but I have killed babies. Understand that, and think hard about your actions from here on out. And don't forget, I have this ship booby-trapped in ways you can't even imagine. Relinquishing control now in no way prevents me from snatching it back later."

"I understand that," Kathryn said through clenched teeth.

Seska gave a long suffering sigh. "The things I do in the name of diplomacy. Computer, transfer command back to Kathryn Janeway, authorization Seska-Omicron-Sigma-Three, but retain command capabilities for Seska, and allow access to the ship's database for Seska."

_"Affirmative. Command codes are transferred."_

Seska quirked an eyebrow at Kathryn, grinning slyly. "Feel better?"

"Much," Kathryn said sarcastically. "Now, what is it you want to know?"

"I want to know why there are two captains. I want to know when and how Voyager made contact with the Alpha Quadrant. I want to know why you're here. If you don't tell me the truth – and I'll be able to tell if you're not – I will take back control of Voyager and reprogram your doctor to answer to me. Then I will have him perform an ARA on all of you, and you know, drug you and all that. That'll make you talk. Maybe some good old Cardassian torture techniques. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here. I know how persuasive it can be to have your children's lives in danger."

Chakotay swallowed. "What difference do any of those questions make? You want us to help you get your son, and we'll do that. Although if you're this adept at reprogramming our ship's computer, I don't understand why you don't just do the same to one of your ships and do the job yourself."

"Our ships cannot compete with a Starfleet vessel," Seska said forcefully. "The only reason we were able to overtake you was because of our sheer numbers. You are faster than us and I grudgingly admit, the whole of you are smarter than the Kazons and the Vidiians put together. All they can see is conquests and organs. I need this crew…I need their…ability to look outside the box, to use one of your charming expressions. I need what I can't get from them…or myself. I want my boy back, Chakotay. I don't care what it takes, or who I have to kill, or how many ships I have to steal. I'm finding him, and you're helping me. So start talking."

* * *

"I knew your parents once, very long ago. Your mother and her crew were of great help to me, and I tried once to repay them…" Denara waved a hand and smiled weakly. "My people had other plans."

"We barely got away," B'Elanna said softly. "What are you doing here?"

"I was conscripted into her majesty's service. I had been branded a traitor long before that, for my attempt to help you. Once the Kazon-Vidiian Empire was formed, I was called upon to care for the empress and her child. Vaden was my charge until he was taken to the training camps." Denara looked down. "The empress has not been the same."

"You sound sorry for her."

"We are close. I am her confidant." Deana met B'Elanna's eyes. "I knew of her intentions. You ship arriving was most fortuitous to her, but I fear we will not escape. The Kazons and the Vidiians…they are twisted by hate and fear. She thinks they are loyal to her, and most are. But there are those on this ship, in this convoy, who tire of Emperor Cullah's rule. And they can see that the empress has begun to question her people's beliefs…and they are beginning to scorn her because she is not of either race. They never have before. But things are changing."

"They've had a short reign." B'Elanna said wryly.

"Maybe they shouldn't have had one at all." Denara pushed a button on a device on her wrist, and a force field surrounded them. "You may feel a slight tingling. Our transporters are different than yours." B'Elanna gasped as an intense pins-and-needles sensation swept over her body, and she heard the children's sounds of discomfort. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, they were in a gray room, dimly lit.

"What was that?"

"It's a transport system the empress had commissioned by her most trusted followers, including myself. It was undetected, and as far as anyone knows, our life signs are still in that room. That's what the force field is for," Denara smiled. "We're not on a Kazon-Vidiian ship anymore. This is the empress' private shuttle. She was able to place it while Voyager's shields were down. We're anchored inside Voyager's shield bubble, right under your hull."

* * *

"Why don't you tell us of this Kazon-Vidiian alliance, first?" Kathryn asked. "I don't think an exchange of information is too much to ask."

Seska made a noise of disgust. "Fine. We can sit here and talk history all day as far as I'm concerned. It won't get you out of here any quicker." Seska sat down and leaned back in her chair. "It started shortly after our last…tête-à-tête. We were searching for Voyager, mainly to capture the ship and hopefully set your people on a deserted planet somewhere. Cullah thought that was a bit of irony, that your people with all your technology would be forced to survive without it." Seska rolled her eyes. "I was surprised he knew what irony was in the first place. Eventually, we had to concede that Voyager was gone. No one had seen you, no one in further sectors had ever even heard of you, and we couldn't find a trace of you anywhere. It was as if you had just disappeared. We had to face the possibility that you had, in fact, found a way home. I knew that wasn't outside the realm of possibilities. For all your annoying qualities, you really are an ingenious group of people." She shrugged. "Not as clever as me, perhaps, but close." She glared at Kathryn. "Now, you can give me a little tidbit before I go on. Where was Voyager?"

Kathryn glanced at Tuvok, who inclined his head nearly imperceptibly. "We found a wormhole. We had a very small window of time in which to go through, so we took the chance, and…" Kathryn shrugged. "Home sweet home."

Seska raised an eyebrow. "So you've been gone for at least seven of your years, yes?"

Uncomfortable, Kathryn nodded.

Seska moved forward, seemingly willing to leave that bit of information alone for the moment. "As time went on, the Kazon as a whole began to suffer. Resources were thin; sects were massacring sects in a struggle for power and survival. As a woman, my ideas and solutions were ignored. They were behaving like a bunch of barbaric Klingons when I knew, that if they would just drop their posturing and their stubborn notions of dominance, they could possibly work together long enough to grab resources from another culture, hopefully some sort of idealistic fools like all of you." Kathryn narrowed her eyes, but held her tongue, and Seska laughed. "Well, as it so happened, we ran into a convoy of Vidiians, a group which incidentally included several ships who had tangled with you before. At first, they tried stealing our organs. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty attached to my innards. So after we blasted the hell out of each other for a few hours, I quietly suggested to Cullah that we might come to a bargain of sorts.

"He called for a cease fire, and asked that the Vidiians meet with him. Of course, they didn't trust us, and we didn't trust them, but they were able to suck it up long enough to meet on our ship. We learned that they were suffering from their little Phage. They were far more technologically advanced than the Kazon, and had significantly more resources, largely because they used their firepower to take from whoever they felt like. After several days of negotiations, Cullah and the Vidiian captain had drawn out a proposal for an alliance. Basically, the Kazon would use their brute strength and warlike capabilities to get the Vidiians organs, thereby leaving the Vidiians free to concentrate on their former philosophical pursuits and medical science and whatnot, and in return they would supply whatever Kazon ship willing to do their bidding with a multitude of resources. Basically, we would live very comfortably." She sneered. "I say Cullah worked on this agreement, but in truth, it was I who gave him these ideas. He doesn't have enough brains to get his boots on in the morning. Anyway, the agreement was taken to the Vidiian High Council, and as it turned out, they were eager to test this new alliance immediately. They may have been more advanced, but our firepower was significantly stronger, out ships faster, and we were much less squeamish than the Vidiians, who did what they did out of necessity. The Kazons would do it out of sheer blood lust.

"Cullah spread the word through the sects about the proposed alliance. They came in droves to pledge their allegiance. They were all dying off, slowly, and many sects were desperate for the influx of technology and nourishment that the Vidiians could supply. Cullah rallied them all to his side, and in one fell swoop on the Vidiian home world, he had them handing their world over to us. Cullah named himself emperor of the Kazon-Vidiian alliance, and for several years, we lived a symbiotic co-existence. We obtained organs for them; they gave us whatever we wanted."

* * *

"Things are going to get pretty...interesting...soon," Denara said. She marched to the opposite wall, her skirt swishing around her ankles. Punching a code into a keypad, she pushed back her stringy hair as a panel in the wall opened. "The children will need protection. If we should be hit, they may be hurt. This shuttle doesn't have much in the way of defenses. She had little time or resources for its construction," She pulled several belts and wrist clasps from the little cubby. She closed the panel and brought them back over. "But what this shuttle lacks in defenses, it makes up for in fire power. You'll see."

B'Elanna took the belt and clasp handed to her and looked at it dubiously. "What is this?"

Denara looked up from where she was wrapping the belt around Benaren, who had his thumb stuck firmly in his mouth and was staring at her in confusion. "Personal shields. The wristlet and the belt will form a shield around an individual. They were recently developed by her majesty's personal scientists."

B'Elanna raised her eyebrows, impressed at the engineering that would have to go into that.

Katie curled up her lip when Denara started to place the device on her. "I don't want it."

"Katie-"

"I don't want it. I want my mommy."

B'Elanna sighed and kneeled down, not an easy feat for someone as pregnant as she was. "Listen, Katie, Mommy is doing something very important right now. She can't be here. But I know that she and Daddy would want you kids to be safe. Please put it on."

Katie pouted, then glared at B'Elanna. She snatched the belt from Denara's fragile hands. "You don't know anything about my mother," she said petulantly. "And I don't either."

B'Elanna watched as the angry little girl struggled to attach the belt around her tiny waist. Her brother, in his own quiet way, began to assist her. She stood still as he clipped the belt for her, and then he patted her hand, giving her a small smile. Katie's anger seemed to fade, but she turned from the rest of them, silent.

Denara checked to make sure everyone's devices were attached properly. "Good," she said, then keyed a code on a small keypad in her hand. Instantly, B'Elanna felt a warm feeling wash over her. She reached a hand out to the empty air, and while there was no resistance, she could feel a change in pressure. "Amazing," she whispered. "What can this protect us from?"

"Well...I'll show you," Denara bounced the keypad in her hand thoughtfully, then tossed it at B'Elanna with all the strength she had. It wasn't a very large keypad, but it certainly would have hurt. Yet, it never hit. It bounced off an invisible barrier right in front of B'Elanna's face, and fell to the floor.

"This shield has been tested against weapons fire...plasma weapons, projectile. There's very little that can get through it. If you fall, it will cushion you. And I've programmed it to repel Kazons and Vidiians. Unfortunately, that means I can't touch any of you, so please keep your distance."

"You can program it against specific races?" B'Elanna asked in disbelief.

"Of course. It's just a matter of DNA recognition." Denara, to B'Elanna's surprise, pulled her dress over her head. To B'Elanna's relief, she wore a form fitting pair of leggings and a tunic underneath. She smiled. "Much easier to get around in, but as the empress's companion, I'm expected to dress for my station...all my skin must be covered and anything except a dress isn't really acceptable. One of Emperor Cullah's rules. It doesn't make any sense, I know. But little the emperor does, or my people do, makes any sense. Now come, we need to get to the control room. I assume you know how to handle weapons, B'Elanna."

"Of course."

"Good," Denara walked over to another wall and pressed a panel. A doorway appeared. "Come. We have little time before the empress makes her first move."

* * *

"Then we heard of a…what is your word for it…a think-tank, roaming this sector of the galaxy," Seska continued. "Charging ridiculous fees to solve seemingly unsolvable problems. They offered the Vidiians a cure for their phage, for a price. Well, Cullah couldn't have that. I was already tired of the lifestyle we had entered. Vaden had just been taken from me, and my patience with the Kazons had reached its end. We had all we needed. There was no reason to continue the alliance with the Vidiians. And…" Seska closed her eyes at the memory. "I watched, once. I hadn't meant to. Before I saw, it didn't bother me. I never even thought about it. But they brought a group of children to one of the medical facilities on Vidiia Prime. I was there to tour the capital, as I did several times a year when Cullah was occupied, just to ensure that the Vidiians were behaving. I saw them bring the children in, and curious, I went to see what they were doing. They were the same age as my son, I would guess, and I watched as they tore the organs from the children, many whom were still conscious. I've never shuddered at bloodshed, but the screams of those children haunted me. I wondered for a long time after that, what I had become." She leveled her gaze on Chakotay. "My mother was an artist. I bet you didn't know that. My father was a diplomat. He was killed during the wars with your people, and my mother died shortly after. I was a child, drafted into the Obsidian Order, programmed to be a spy and nothing else, conditioned to forget the gentle upbringing I had, or at least the gentle child I had been. But after that, I remembered my mother. Constantly. I remembered her laugh, her soft hands, how she would paint in our garden, how she would tell me stories at night. I barely knew my father, but I knew her, and I suddenly began to wonder what she would think of a daughter who allowed children to be mutilated. From what I remember, she had never approved of the occupation of Bajor, of the holocaust we committed there. I never gave it a second thought, but I began to. I began to think like I imagined I would have if my mother had raised me. She was a special woman."

Chakotay cleared his throat. "She sounds it."

"I wondered what would happen if the Vidiians ever got the upper hand on us. Once we were no longer useful to them, I had no doubt they would do to us what they did to those poor children, and I wondered if my son would be among them. It terrified me. Cullah wouldn't think twice about giving our son to death, saying it was the glory of a Kazon soldier. Well, I had other ideas. I was glad the think tank had come, and I was willing to pay any price at that point to have the Phage cured and break this murderous alliance we had created.

"Cullah evidently didn't agree. As far as the Vidiians know, the representatives of the think tank just disappeared one night, along with their offer. But I know that they were murdered by Cullah's men. He knew the end of the Phage meant the possible end of his cushy life as Emperor. No one else from the think tank ever came."

Seska sighed. "So I began to plan. I had to get Vaden back, and get out of this sector. I had only made one true friend here, one person I could trust, and she has helped me. It is her I sent the children to, and as we speak, she is having them transferred somewhere neither the Kazon nor the Vidiians will find them. It won't be easy to get out of here, and Cullah will not rest until he finds us. The security around Vaden will be nearly impenetrable. But we have to get him. And once we do, we have to get the hell out of the Delta Quadrant."

_TBC_


End file.
